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The Fall of The eXile For all those wondering what the "Save The eXile Fundrasier" banner is all about, here it is as simply as it can be phrased: The eXile is shutting down.
June 11, 2008 in eXile Blog

War Nerd: War of the Babies in Taki's Magazine The War Nerd talks about babies, the greatest weapon of the 20th century.
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Kids, Meet Your President A website for Russian kids to learn all about President Medvedev's passion for school, sports and family.
May 22, 2008 in eXile Blog

Cellphone Democracy Cam If this girl was exposed to Jeffersonian democracy...
May 20, 2008 in Face Control

More Classy B&W Dyev Photos Yet another hot Russian babe imitating the Catpower look...
May 20, 2008 in Face Control

Proof That Genetic Memory Is Real! Sure, the Ottomans shut down the Istanbul Slavic slave markets centuries ago...
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Russia's Orthodox Church Youth Outreach Program The priest is going, "Father Sansei is very impressed with grasshopper Sasha’s...
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More Classy B&W Club Photos w/Russian Dyevs We took the Pepsi Challenge here...
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World September 20, 2007
In The Winner's Circle: Reader Responses To Adam Levine's Legal Threats
Page 2 of 2

The population of Earth, save for King Dong, looks forward to your immediate response.


Last month, the eXile published an "in brief" about Adam Levine's relationship with tennis star Marina Shaparova. Apparently, several "news" outlets around the world have picked up our "story" and reported it as fact in their publications, and Mr. Levine's attorney contacted us about fixing things so he wouldn't have to sue us. So, we made a mistake. We thought that Mr. Levine wanted to be a well-known person in the public eye, and therefore a legitimate target of constitutionally protected satire. Being a nobody is an ancient and honorable calling and we salute Mr. Levine's perspicacity in selecting the eXile to sue in this endeavor.

And just now we are defending ourselves against several "real" lawsuits, so on with the retraction.

1. Maria Sharapova made plenty of noise during sex. In fact, she burst into song. And Levine dug it. Big time. In fact, he joined in on the choruses. These Siberian folk tunes will be incorporated into a future Maroon 5 "album."

2. There is in fact such a thing as the Easter Bunny.

3. The rest of the "story" is "true."


This magazine would like to acknowledge a serious mistake in our August 10th edition. The In Brief article featured a joke at the expense of the talented singer Mr. Adam Levine of the supergroup Maroon 5. You will, of course, know the band's song "This Love" from the "most played" list on your iPod.

We would like to clarify that the quote attributed to Mr. Levine was factually unsubstantiated and now fully accept that people with both immense wealth and no sense of humor about themselves should be rewarded for their remarkable achievements with only timid awe and an unspoken desire to be them. Indeed, we acknowledge that the love of Sharapova has taken its toll on Mr. Levine, she said "goodbye" too many times before and ultimately the article was in poor taste.

Finally, we can only unreservedly apologize and feel a sense of shame far harder to cope with than any financial damage Adam Levine 's lawyers could aim to do.


I propose a cartoon of a circus arena with Yasha kneeling on all fours with a spear made from print version eXile sticking out of his ass, courtesy of Gary Brecher, nibbling on a pile if cat shit with Ames in the background shrugging his shoulders, palms outwards, wearing an oversized clown nose. The caption there would read "See what happens when you skip your AAHD meds?" Too bad I can't draw worth a shit, but if you go with it - I'd settle for a comfort house voucher.


"We would like to correct our recent article about Adam Levine and Maria Sharapova. We acknowledge our article was out of bounds, and apologize for the bad call. In actuality, Maria made quite a racket during sex, but it was mostly about Adam's fuzzy yellow balls."

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Let The Market Save Darfur : Guest Editorial By Ron Paul

The Kurds Will Always Lose, Part II : The enemy of your enemy is a pig, too

Al Dilbert :
Charting McCain's Presidency :


Save The eXile: The War Nerd Calls Mayday
The future of The eXile is in your hands! We're holding a fundraiser to save the paper, and your soul. Tune in to Gary Brecher's urgent request for reinforcements and donate as much as you can. If you don't, we'll be overrun and wiped off the face of the earth, forever.

Scanning Moscow’s Traffic Cops
Automotive Section
We’re happy to introduce a new column in which we publish Moscow’s raw radio communications, courtesy of a Russian amateur radio enthusiast. This issue, eXile readers are given a peek into the secret conversations of Moscow’s traffic police, the notorious "GAIshniki."

Eleven Years of Threats: The eXile's Incredible Journey
Feature Story By The eXile
Good Night, and Bad Luck: In a nation terrorized by its own government, one newspaper dared to fart in its face. Get out your hankies, cuz we’re taking a look back at the impossible crises we overcame.

Your Letters
Russia's freedom-loving free market martyr Mikhail Khodorkovsky answers some of this week's letters, and he's got nothing but praise for President Medvedev.

Clubbing Adventures Through Time
Club Review By Dmitriy Babooshka
eXile club reviewer Babooshka takes a trip through time with the ghost of Moscow clubbing past, present and future, and true to form, gets laid in the process.

The Fortnight Spin
Bardak Calendar By Jared Lindquist
Jared comes out with yet another roundup of upcoming bardak sessions.

Your Letters
Richard Gere tackles this week's letters. Now reformed, he fights for gerbil rights all around the world.

13 Toxic Talents: Hollywood’s Worst Polluters
America By Eileen Jones
Everybody complains about celebrities, but nobody does anything about them. People, it’s time to stop fretting about whether we’re a celebrity-obsessed culture—we are, we have been, we’re going to be—and instead take practical steps to clean up the celebrity-obsessed culture we’ve got...


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