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The Fall of The eXile For all those wondering what the "Save The eXile Fundrasier" banner is all about, here it is as simply as it can be phrased: The eXile is shutting down.
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May 22, 2008 in eXile Blog

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Editorial September 27, 2007
 
Rise, Oil, Rise!
 
 

This week, the price of oil rose above the $80 level for the first time in its history. By no coincidence, this is also the first week that The eXile staff has ever ordered a complete sushi lunch for its staff. After lunch, we were driven around town in our new eXile corporate cars—a fleet of brand new Hummer H2s, whose engines have been specially modified to achieve maximum fuel inefficiency. We told our drivers to keep the Hummers revving all day, because we love the smell of exhaust fumes.

What's the reason for our good fortune? Rising oil prices. 80 dollar oil been bery bery good to we.

While Westerners bemoan the rising prices at the pump, and their economies sag, we at The eXile are experiencing a kind of Happy Days that would put a smile on Mister Cunningham's face. And it's all thanks to you, the Western online reader of this newspaper.

That's right, every time you fill up the tank of your Western car at your Western gas station, you pump another fifty bucks into the Russian economy. According to studies, roughly seven of those fifty dollars you spend on gas goes directly into the pockets of The eXile's local readers and advertisers, and of that seven dollars, $2.92 goes directly into our corporate bank account.

When you consider the hundreds of millions of automobiles in North America and Europe, well, then can understand why our sales girls all have diamond-encrusted teeth, and why the editors have all undergone botox treatment, back-hair removal surgery, and gargantuan penis-enlargement procedures. We've put on 10 kilograms each of pure Novikov-restaurant fat just since Monday. Each fart alone expels over fifteen dollars worth of food gasses ingested at places like Ju-Ju and Aist.

In a word, we've never looked so good, or felt so fucking full, in our lives. And it's all thanks to you, Soccer Mom and Nascar Dad.

The eXile salutes you!

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FROM THE VAULT

Club Cruising in Moscow :

The Republican Guard :

Jesus Ate Their Brains! :

Scanning Moscow’s Traffic Cops : Courtesy of Sergey the Tweeker
 

 
 
 
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