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Club Review October 16, 2007
iPafos with the iBook
By Dmitriy Babooshka Browse author

I have cool friends. If you had such cool friends as mine you would never get bored because most of them have the right connections, meaning I don't have to worry about keeping entertained in Moscow.

Most of my cool-crowd friends are designers, photographers, DJs or club promoters. If you have met some of these talented people you may have noticed how busy they are, and how effectively they run their businesses on Mac computers. All real journalists I've seen use Macs. I hear Ames doesn't have a Mac, which explains much.

So if successful people all own Macs, then of course I decided I have to get myself a Mac (especially now that I had my iPhone stolen). The last month or so, I can't get this obsession out of my head: I imagine myself at a fancy café like COURVOISIER sitting at the best table next to a window, with my black MacBook, writing another piece for eXile, giving international readers a true taste of Moscow's exciting night life, while all sorts of supermodels stare at me admiringly. A black MacBook costs $300 more than the white one only because of the exclusive color . I didn't want to be a typical mediocre Mac user like everyone else. I wanted black because it shows that I stand out from the crowd.

Sure, the MacBook I bought is only $1,600, and technologically it's not the most advanced version. But I don't need anything complicated. I am not a rocket scientist or an IT nerd! Actually, I don't even need a laptop for my work. I need it more as an "accessory." Which is even more important than anything else if you want to be successful in fast-moving modern Moscow.

So how did I buy the MacBook? Ever since I acquired a credit card, concepts like "expensive" or "I can't afford it" ceased to exist. So I took my shiny Citibank card (with the "Miles and More" program) and went to the sole legal Mac retailer at Evropeisky mall. This way I can pay in monthly installments, so it's cheaper! My father says that I will actually pay two times the price when it's all paid up, but he is from the older generation, meaning that concepts like credit scare him or are incomprehensible. Yes, dad, communism is dead. Get used to it, man!

I was surfing the web when I discovered that there is a new club called JUSTO BANYA DOUCHE which opened just a week ago. The trendy website listing didn't say anything about DJs or electronic music and promised instead a live concert featuring a British band called Nobless Oblige "as a part of Freak Boutique project."

I didn't understand what "freak boutique" meant but decided to have a look anyway. The first interesting thing to note is the club's address, located across from Tretyakovskiy proyezd. Just two years ago this was home to the elitny club OSEN'. Before that this place was a famous Moscow public banya (most of you Americans would say sauna), a popular hangout among Soviet workers and the hard-drinking intelligentsia.

There were no signs for Justo on the black metal door entrance. Thank god I'm well connected enough be "in the know." Inside I discovered a club very different from Versus. No DJs. Instead a drunk punk band on the stage. No gold decorations like Versus, but cheerful yellow toilets around the dance floor. They're using the beauty of the former banya, like the tubs and baths, to their advantage. On the walls they had some very modern photography and live videos, which looked very intelligent to me, what I imagine you would find in Paris. The club manager told me they offer yoga classes and theatric stage performances during the day here.

As a club reviewer I got the sense that Justo's unusual design and spiritual concept was meant for unique and eccentric unusual personalities like myself. Here is a place I could go and find people who share the same values as I do.

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Save The eXile: The War Nerd Calls Mayday
The future of The eXile is in your hands! We're holding a fundraiser to save the paper, and your soul. Tune in to Gary Brecher's urgent request for reinforcements and donate as much as you can. If you don't, we'll be overrun and wiped off the face of the earth, forever.

Scanning Moscow’s Traffic Cops
Automotive Section
We’re happy to introduce a new column in which we publish Moscow’s raw radio communications, courtesy of a Russian amateur radio enthusiast. This issue, eXile readers are given a peek into the secret conversations of Moscow’s traffic police, the notorious "GAIshniki."

Eleven Years of Threats: The eXile's Incredible Journey
Feature Story By The eXile
Good Night, and Bad Luck: In a nation terrorized by its own government, one newspaper dared to fart in its face. Get out your hankies, cuz we’re taking a look back at the impossible crises we overcame.

Your Letters
Russia's freedom-loving free market martyr Mikhail Khodorkovsky answers some of this week's letters, and he's got nothing but praise for President Medvedev.

Clubbing Adventures Through Time
Club Review By Dmitriy Babooshka
eXile club reviewer Babooshka takes a trip through time with the ghost of Moscow clubbing past, present and future, and true to form, gets laid in the process.

The Fortnight Spin
Bardak Calendar By Jared Lindquist
Jared comes out with yet another roundup of upcoming bardak sessions.

Your Letters
Richard Gere tackles this week's letters. Now reformed, he fights for gerbil rights all around the world.

13 Toxic Talents: Hollywood’s Worst Polluters
America By Eileen Jones
Everybody complains about celebrities, but nobody does anything about them. People, it’s time to stop fretting about whether we’re a celebrity-obsessed culture—we are, we have been, we’re going to be—and instead take practical steps to clean up the celebrity-obsessed culture we’ve got...


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