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[SIC!] October 22, 2007
 
Your Letters
 
Page 2 of 4
 

What do you think will happen up there, and how do you think Iraqi Kurdistan will be affected if the Turks decide to start shit-kicking and blow the heads off some PKK goons?

Thanks

Khalil

Dear Mr. Khalil, Looking into our crystal ball, we believe that if the Turks invade Iraqi Kurdistan, then some people will be like, "Aaaagghhh!!!" and others will be all, "OOWWWW!!!" and there'll be like all of this KABOOM!! and pt-t-t-t-t-t and KVVOO! KVOO! and PKHHWAHH! Yes folks, it's a bold prediction, but we stand by it. Remember, you heard it here first at The eXile.

SPECIAL LETTER

Dear Editor,

In your last issue you replied to Dj Tim: "Best wishes that your liver becomes infested with nematodes, The eXile."

Not bad. But this one is better: "Best wishes that the willy fish swims in your bladder." I first read about the candiru on your sight so I thought... Etc.,

Scott

Dear Mr. Scott, It's spelled "site" not "sight." Anyway, from us to you, best wishes that someday you can overcome mental retardation. You're a brave man, Scott. And an idiot. Hey, can an idiot be brave? Or is an idiot's bravery just another symptom of his idiocy? Something for the philosophers to ponder.

[sic] ON THIS

Hey War Nerd,

I like the column a lot but rather than polish your knob for most of the email I'll just get on with the question. I've read a lot about how technological superiority is not sufficient in an asymmetrical warfare situation. You yourself have made a big deal of this in your articles, specifically how in a limited, non-nuclear war scenario, technological supremacy in weapons doesn't trump the inherent tactical and strategic advantages of crazy-ass attrition. Do you think this is an a priori rule, i.e. technology cannot ever counter the advantages of asymmetric warfare, or one based on this particular configuration of tactics vs. technology?

In a related question: how does the automation of war and the increasing deployment of robotic weapons systems impact anti-asymmetric operations (I'm going to abbreviate asymmetric warfare as ASW, and fuck anti-sub war)?

Thanks for both your time and the consistently interesting reading material,

Jerico

Dear Mr. Jerico, First of all, you should never begin a fan letter by announcing that you're not going to blow the War Nerd. That's an invitation for the "delete" folder. If you want your letter to be read, then your opening line should make it clear that you're the Linda Lovelace of War Nerd groupies. Get on your goddamn knees, Private Jerico, and swallow that sword of praise! Jeez, the things our readers think of, it really makes you wonder, you know? Folks, we hope that you're taking heed of Jerico's failure. Do not--repeat, do not get the idea that we'll respect you more if you withhold praise from us. We won't respect you, we won't like you, we won't even remember you. We have an unwritten deal here, and the deal is this: you praise us to the sky, and in return, we mock and scorn you with all the ingratitude of the woefully vain, bitter, underappreciated and underpaid journalists that we are. That's the deal, so let's stick to it, m'kay? And this formula goes for all of you ladies out there in fan-ograd: if you want our respect, then, to paraphrase a Russian proverb, "The path to an eXile editor's heart is through his saggy nutsack."

CLUELESS

Jared Lindquist,

About Club Solyanka, are you sure what you're writing about? I've not seen your face in the club, nor at Utah Saints gig.

Oleg

Dear Oleg, To answer your question, no, none of us has a fucking clue what he's writing about. Duh! Why do you ask? Is there something wrong with that? My god, we get the stupidest letters, it just never ceases to amaze us!


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FROM THE VAULT

Stranger in a Strange Land : By Asya Passinsky

Ukrainians In the Mist : Gorilla tactics in the campaign for Ukraine's highest office
Manezh Mall Rat
Field Guide To Moscow: Meretrica Provincialis :

Moscow Nitelife Roundup :
 

 
 
 
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Save The eXile: The War Nerd Calls Mayday
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Everybody complains about celebrities, but nobody does anything about them. People, it’s time to stop fretting about whether we’re a celebrity-obsessed culture—we are, we have been, we’re going to be—and instead take practical steps to clean up the celebrity-obsessed culture we’ve got...

 
 
 

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