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Death Porn October 30, 2007
Early Winter Death Porn
Early winter tales of murder and mayhem to chill the bones
Page 3 of 3

Anyway, after spending the next few days joyriding and street racing (and hopefully winning every race), the novelty began to wear off and the kid started to capture being captured. So he decided to stash the car, parking it in a non-descript podmoskovie garage belonging to some people he knew. He was obviously an amateur because any professional theif would know that a brand new Merc worth 100 Gs is liable to come with a LoJack alarm system able to pinpoint its location. When the police finally locked onto its alarm signal, it led them right to him and cut his street-racing career short. If it wasn't for the car's hi-tech alarm, this would have been just another crime blamed on "a couple of Caucasians."


Really stupid criminal

When a general-major from the Russian army rolled into a sleepy village way up north in Arkhangelsk in late September, the locals sensed there would be trouble. He was decked out in full army regalia but clearly wasn't there for an officers masquerade. His two guard goons that drove him around in an armed military jeep testified to that. What was Gen. Sergey Shirov doing up in a remote village beyond the polar circle? Whatever his mission, he didn't seem very happy with it. According to Moskovsky Komsomelets, his first complaint concerned his lodgings, a small shack-like cottage rented out to him by one of the villagers. He wanted to trade up to nicer digs, but not before having a little rest. The village roads had been all washed out and the drive up from town had been long and difficult. He needed a little snack and a drink of vodka. One cup led to another and, before long, the three service men were wasted. Surrounded by fellow service men and tranquil green fields, Shirov flashed back to his war years in Chechnya. According to the locals, he imagined he was on a secret mission to annihilate all non-Russian, and sweep the area clean of foreign combatants. His cache of weapons, vodka and samogon helped him act out the illusion. Shirov and his men started crisscrossing the village, threatening the locals as they searched for the enemy.

At some point, Shirov came across one villager unlucky enough to jet-black hair. Sergey, a 43-year-old man with a wife and two kids, was coming home from a last batch of potato picking before winter set it when he met general-major Shirov. He ordered him to stop and then shot him on the spot. Concerned that their superior had just shot an unarmed man carrying a sack of potatoes, Shirov's wingmen loaded Sergey into their car and drove him to the local hospital. But it was no use. The simple villager died en route. In the end, their pity is what brought Shirov down. Had they left Sergey for dead out on the field, the murder would probably have never been pinned on them. Fearing retaliation, the locals were too terrified to turn the general in.

General-Major Shirov has 12 medals to his name. Now he's looking at dual charges of murder and disturbing the peace.

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Save The eXile: The War Nerd Calls Mayday
The future of The eXile is in your hands! We're holding a fundraiser to save the paper, and your soul. Tune in to Gary Brecher's urgent request for reinforcements and donate as much as you can. If you don't, we'll be overrun and wiped off the face of the earth, forever.

Scanning Moscow’s Traffic Cops
Automotive Section
We’re happy to introduce a new column in which we publish Moscow’s raw radio communications, courtesy of a Russian amateur radio enthusiast. This issue, eXile readers are given a peek into the secret conversations of Moscow’s traffic police, the notorious "GAIshniki."

Eleven Years of Threats: The eXile's Incredible Journey
Feature Story By The eXile
Good Night, and Bad Luck: In a nation terrorized by its own government, one newspaper dared to fart in its face. Get out your hankies, cuz we’re taking a look back at the impossible crises we overcame.

Your Letters
Russia's freedom-loving free market martyr Mikhail Khodorkovsky answers some of this week's letters, and he's got nothing but praise for President Medvedev.

Clubbing Adventures Through Time
Club Review By Dmitriy Babooshka
eXile club reviewer Babooshka takes a trip through time with the ghost of Moscow clubbing past, present and future, and true to form, gets laid in the process.

The Fortnight Spin
Bardak Calendar By Jared Lindquist
Jared comes out with yet another roundup of upcoming bardak sessions.

Your Letters
Richard Gere tackles this week's letters. Now reformed, he fights for gerbil rights all around the world.

13 Toxic Talents: Hollywood’s Worst Polluters
America By Eileen Jones
Everybody complains about celebrities, but nobody does anything about them. People, it’s time to stop fretting about whether we’re a celebrity-obsessed culture—we are, we have been, we’re going to be—and instead take practical steps to clean up the celebrity-obsessed culture we’ve got...


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