Mankind's only alternative 25   SEP.   17  
Mankind's only alternative
War Nerd RSS
MAIN  RUSSIA  WAR NERD   [SIC!]  BAR-DAK  THE VAULT  ABOUT US  RSS
 
 
EXILE BLOGS

The Fall of The eXile For all those wondering what the "Save The eXile Fundrasier" banner is all about, here it is as simply as it can be phrased: The eXile is shutting down.
June 11, 2008 in eXile Blog

War Nerd: War of the Babies in Taki's Magazine The War Nerd talks about babies, the greatest weapon of the 20th century.
May 28, 2008 in eXile Blog

Kids, Meet Your President A website for Russian kids to learn all about President Medvedev's passion for school, sports and family.
May 22, 2008 in eXile Blog

Cellphone Democracy Cam If this girl was exposed to Jeffersonian democracy...
May 20, 2008 in Face Control

More Classy B&W Dyev Photos Yet another hot Russian babe imitating the Catpower look...
May 20, 2008 in Face Control

Proof That Genetic Memory Is Real! Sure, the Ottomans shut down the Istanbul Slavic slave markets centuries ago...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

Russia's Orthodox Church Youth Outreach Program The priest is going, "Father Sansei is very impressed with grasshopper Sasha’s...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

More Classy B&W Club Photos w/Russian Dyevs We took the Pepsi Challenge here...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

Blogs RSS feed

[SIC!] November 7, 2007
 
Your Letters
 
 

[SIC] LETTER OF THE WEEK! COIN[sic]DENCE

Mark et al. at The Exile:

If you haven't seen it earlier this week, Seattle's own alt.douchebag.newspaper The Stranger has published, maybe as a Halloween thing, a 49 entry Death Porn rip-off, complete with a body count tally.

Number 3 on the list? Litvinenko. Rounding out the list are high school girls flattened under homecoming floats, toddlers crushed by televisions, and a case of death by camel sex. All delivered in that very dry, yet trying, for your benefit, to be ironically humorous Seattle schtick. And not one God-damned kitchen knifing in the lot!

Sadly, there is no ",self" entry for The Stranger. Luke Harding learned his lesson, is it not time for all of Seattle as well? I like Kofe Haus; this Starbucks-in-Moscow/creeping Seattlefuckation shit has got to be stopped!

Oh, I've bought the eXile book, and have been saved by visits to eXile recommended restaurants (thanks for the Darbar review) and will have to write you a long, sloppy, wet BJ of a thank you letter describing my bliss at accidentally spying the eXile staff having an editorial meeting at the Starlight, just as soon as I can get a good shot of my Russian girlfriend's snapper.

Ted Saibeni

Dear Mr. Saibeni,

Folks, if anyone managed to write a letter that hit pretty much every note we like to hear, thereby reproducing our favorite "[sic]phony Number 9" in its entirety, then this letter has it all: skull-fucking yet another cheap plagiarist, deep-throat compliments to our newspaper, and best of all, the promise to deliver his girlfriend's snapper right to our doorstep. Ted, we're so moved by the letter that we'll let you keep the rest of your girlfriend, just serve up her snapper pipin' hot (or clammy-cold, we don't really care), and in return, you've got yourself a spankin' new [sic] t-shirt! Congratulations. You've just revived our faith in eXholehood.

RISK TAKER

Gary,

1st off: Huge fan. You really should quit your day job--except for the great references, it is only hindering you. Second. I think you NEED to cover William Walker. I mean what a story. We never get to learn about his crazy adventures in the US because our shitty school system. Anyway when I was backpacking around South America, I kept coming across statues about this guy...so I did the research, and wow. Anyway, Keep up the great work and hit up WW!

Best,

Seth

Dear Mr. Seth, Fantastic advice. But the Nerd is a little skittish, not quite as brave as you are. So why don't you lead the way, set an example, since you're the life-coach guru type. You could start by quitting your own day job, and then set up a webcam in your TV room so that we can watch how it affects you. We'll see how being jobless improves your letter-writing, not to mention your ability to stay warm and alive. Once you're thrown out of your house, you can set up a 24-hour webcam in your van or your cardboard box or the shelter you'll be living in. At that point, once you're jobless and terrified, we'll start asking you to do free work for us, research stuff, sorta like the William Walker thing. In exchange for our five-sentence letters to you. You could start by translating the entire works of the War Nerd into Spanish, and sending those off to South America. We won't pay you, but we'll sure as hell laugh at you.

GAYLORD

Nerd,

You wrote that Jesus was a "Palestinian smooth-talker whose armpits are stinking up the cross" ....Dude, you are my hero... Everytime I say this stuff I get beat up.

Ben

Dear Mr. Ben, Just reading your letter makes us want to kick the shit out of you.


SHARE:  Del.icio.us  Digg  My Web  Facebook  Reddit
 
 
FROM THE VAULT

John Mccain: Biggest Fag In War History :
Luke Harding, Plagiarist
Hack Watch: Did Guardian Journalist Hack Again? : Oh no he didn’t!

The Messiah Is Mobile : Jesus called, and he wants his old number back

COMBED OVER!!! :
 

 
 
 
LATEST ARTICLES

Save The eXile: The War Nerd Calls Mayday
Editorial
The future of The eXile is in your hands! We're holding a fundraiser to save the paper, and your soul. Tune in to Gary Brecher's urgent request for reinforcements and donate as much as you can. If you don't, we'll be overrun and wiped off the face of the earth, forever.

Scanning Moscow’s Traffic Cops
Automotive Section
We’re happy to introduce a new column in which we publish Moscow’s raw radio communications, courtesy of a Russian amateur radio enthusiast. This issue, eXile readers are given a peek into the secret conversations of Moscow’s traffic police, the notorious "GAIshniki."

Eleven Years of Threats: The eXile's Incredible Journey
Feature Story By The eXile
Good Night, and Bad Luck: In a nation terrorized by its own government, one newspaper dared to fart in its face. Get out your hankies, cuz we’re taking a look back at the impossible crises we overcame.

Your Letters
[SIC!]
Russia's freedom-loving free market martyr Mikhail Khodorkovsky answers some of this week's letters, and he's got nothing but praise for President Medvedev.

Clubbing Adventures Through Time
Club Review By Dmitriy Babooshka
eXile club reviewer Babooshka takes a trip through time with the ghost of Moscow clubbing past, present and future, and true to form, gets laid in the process.

The Fortnight Spin
Bardak Calendar By Jared Lindquist
Jared comes out with yet another roundup of upcoming bardak sessions.

Your Letters
[SIC!]
Richard Gere tackles this week's letters. Now reformed, he fights for gerbil rights all around the world.

13 Toxic Talents: Hollywood’s Worst Polluters
America By Eileen Jones
Everybody complains about celebrities, but nobody does anything about them. People, it’s time to stop fretting about whether we’re a celebrity-obsessed culture—we are, we have been, we’re going to be—and instead take practical steps to clean up the celebrity-obsessed culture we’ve got...

 
 
 

    MAIN    |    RUSSIA    |    WAR NERD     |    [SIC!]    |    BAR-DAK    |    THE VAULT    |    ABOUT US    |    RSS

© "the eXile". Tel.: +7 (495) 623-3565, fax: +7 (495) 623-5442
E-mail: office@exile.ru