Mankind's only alternative 4   DEC.   22  
Mankind's only alternative
Vlad's Daily Gloat - The eXile Blog

The Fall of The eXile For all those wondering what the "Save The eXile Fundrasier" banner is all about, here it is as simply as it can be phrased: The eXile is shutting down.
June 11, 2008 in eXile Blog

War Nerd: War of the Babies in Taki's Magazine The War Nerd talks about babies, the greatest weapon of the 20th century.
May 28, 2008 in eXile Blog

Kids, Meet Your President A website for Russian kids to learn all about President Medvedev's passion for school, sports and family.
May 22, 2008 in eXile Blog

Cellphone Democracy Cam If this girl was exposed to Jeffersonian democracy...
May 20, 2008 in Face Control

More Classy B&W Dyev Photos Yet another hot Russian babe imitating the Catpower look...
May 20, 2008 in Face Control

Proof That Genetic Memory Is Real! Sure, the Ottomans shut down the Istanbul Slavic slave markets centuries ago...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

Russia's Orthodox Church Youth Outreach Program The priest is going, "Father Sansei is very impressed with grasshopper Sasha’s...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

More Classy B&W Club Photos w/Russian Dyevs We took the Pepsi Challenge here...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

Blogs RSS feed

Feature Story November 6, 2007
The eXile plays the Kremlin's hottest game

Russia's fledging democracy is distinguished by two characteristics: "managed democracy," in which the election's contestants and its outcome are tightly controlled by Kremlin strategists and their PR alchemists; and Vladimir Putin. Emphasis on the Putin. Since most of you reading this story are neither Kremlin strategists nor Vladimir Putin, that means that you are a regular spectator of Russia's "managed democracy," as alienated from the upcoming elections on December 2 as a modern day American football fan is from the NFL team to whom he pledges his fealty.

Over the past two decades, the NFL has become too much of a business increasingly removed from the rugged mud and filth of its origins; its players grew too rich and eccentric. The result is that the average middle-class, overweight, unhappily-married, American football fan grew increasingly alienated from his most important means of distraction, so he started turning to something more immediate to get his bloodlust on, such as Blood Sport or right-wing talk radio. How to save the NFL from irrelevancy? This is where the age-old combination of American ingenuity and American male misery joined forces to come up with the perfect distraction from wretched reality: it's called "Fantasy Football," and it allows millions of football fans to step into the role of the very people who ruined the sport: NFL owners. Since NFL owners are the only people left with a connection to football, it follows that only by becoming a "virtual" NFL owner can fans feel the thrill of the game again. And it's worked: thanks to Fantasy Football, interest in the NFL is back and more intense than ever.

Click to enlarge.

Which brings us to Russia's managed democracy. Ever since Yeltsin shelled the White House and rewrote the rules of democracy, Russians have grown increasingly alienated from elections, which they feel less and less connected to. This is a problem not only for Russian citizens, but also for the Kremlin democracy-managers who need to keep the citizenry interested and distracted. The solution to this problem is simple: Fantasy Elections.

Here's how it works. In your Russian office, form a Fantasy Elections Commission with up to six other colleagues. Each of you will be a Kremlin manipulator, creating your own political party; call it whatever you want. What matters isn't the name of your party, but the politician you draft into your party list. Each player can choose three top politicians to head their party list, and three regular-listers, who come in handy if one of your "troika" players defects, drops out, or dies from a radioactive California roll.

Drafting Day is the most important day in Fantasy Elections. In American Fantasy Football, usually you have either a "serpentine draft" meaning that whoever chooses first in the even rounds chooses last in the odd rounds, etc; or "auction drafts" in which "team owners" begin with a fixed amount of "salary money," and then bid against others for hot players.

In Russian Fantasy Elections, we propose two types of drafts: the "Kalashnikov draft," in which the first player to bring a weapon into the office on Draft Day chooses whoever the fuck he wants; or "kompromat draft," in which players use compromising material they've collected on their colleagues' personal lives, including tape-recorded telephone conversations, bank transactions, and photographs of sexual liaisons, and then auction off their kompromat in exchange for politicians and draft order.

SHARE:  Digg  My Web  Facebook  Reddit
Let The Market Save Darfur : Guest Editorial By Ron Paul

Kino Kulture :
Save The eXile: The War Nerd Calls Mayday :

Mr. DeLay Goes to Moscow : Excerpts from the secret "DeLay Diaries"


Save The eXile: The War Nerd Calls Mayday
The future of The eXile is in your hands! We're holding a fundraiser to save the paper, and your soul. Tune in to Gary Brecher's urgent request for reinforcements and donate as much as you can. If you don't, we'll be overrun and wiped off the face of the earth, forever.

Scanning Moscow’s Traffic Cops
Automotive Section
We’re happy to introduce a new column in which we publish Moscow’s raw radio communications, courtesy of a Russian amateur radio enthusiast. This issue, eXile readers are given a peek into the secret conversations of Moscow’s traffic police, the notorious "GAIshniki."

Eleven Years of Threats: The eXile's Incredible Journey
Feature Story By The eXile
Good Night, and Bad Luck: In a nation terrorized by its own government, one newspaper dared to fart in its face. Get out your hankies, cuz we’re taking a look back at the impossible crises we overcame.

Your Letters
Russia's freedom-loving free market martyr Mikhail Khodorkovsky answers some of this week's letters, and he's got nothing but praise for President Medvedev.

Clubbing Adventures Through Time
Club Review By Dmitriy Babooshka
eXile club reviewer Babooshka takes a trip through time with the ghost of Moscow clubbing past, present and future, and true to form, gets laid in the process.

The Fortnight Spin
Bardak Calendar By Jared Lindquist
Jared comes out with yet another roundup of upcoming bardak sessions.

Your Letters
Richard Gere tackles this week's letters. Now reformed, he fights for gerbil rights all around the world.

13 Toxic Talents: Hollywood’s Worst Polluters
America By Eileen Jones
Everybody complains about celebrities, but nobody does anything about them. People, it’s time to stop fretting about whether we’re a celebrity-obsessed culture—we are, we have been, we’re going to be—and instead take practical steps to clean up the celebrity-obsessed culture we’ve got...


    MAIN    |    RUSSIA    |    WAR NERD     |    [SIC!]    |    BAR-DAK    |    THE VAULT    |    ABOUT US    |    RSS

© "the eXile". Tel.: +7 (495) 623-3565, fax: +7 (495) 623-5442