Mankind's only alternative 18   MAY.   22  
Mankind's only alternative
War Nerd RSS
MAIN  RUSSIA  WAR NERD   [SIC!]  BAR-DAK  THE VAULT  ABOUT US  RSS
 
 
EXILE BLOGS

The Fall of The eXile For all those wondering what the "Save The eXile Fundrasier" banner is all about, here it is as simply as it can be phrased: The eXile is shutting down.
June 11, 2008 in eXile Blog

War Nerd: War of the Babies in Taki's Magazine The War Nerd talks about babies, the greatest weapon of the 20th century.
May 28, 2008 in eXile Blog

Kids, Meet Your President A website for Russian kids to learn all about President Medvedev's passion for school, sports and family.
May 22, 2008 in eXile Blog

Cellphone Democracy Cam If this girl was exposed to Jeffersonian democracy...
May 20, 2008 in Face Control

More Classy B&W Dyev Photos Yet another hot Russian babe imitating the Catpower look...
May 20, 2008 in Face Control

Proof That Genetic Memory Is Real! Sure, the Ottomans shut down the Istanbul Slavic slave markets centuries ago...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

Russia's Orthodox Church Youth Outreach Program The priest is going, "Father Sansei is very impressed with grasshopper Sasha’s...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

More Classy B&W Club Photos w/Russian Dyevs We took the Pepsi Challenge here...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

Blogs RSS feed

Feature Story November 6, 2007
 
FANTASY ELECTIONS
The eXile plays the Kremlin's hottest game
 
Page 6 of 8
 

Team Roster

Genady Zuganov, Zhores Alferov (winner of the 2000 Nobel Prize in Physics for the invention of the heterotransitor, a supposedly superior type of transistor), Nikolai Kharitonov

Strengths

As long as there's a pensioner born before 1980 left alive in Russia, the KPRF will always have a base.

Weaknesses

The average life expectancy in Russia.

Draft Report

The KPRF doesn't draft players, because that would mean bringing in young people. And young people are to the KPRF what warm air is to a refrigerated corpse.

2003 Season Standing

Narrowly beat LDPR for second place with 13% of the vote, they took comfy runner up position next to United Russia.

Prediction

Until a couple of weeks ago, it looked like the Communists were going to get knocked down to third place by the Fair Russia expansion team. Now that Fair Russia is going the way of the Charlotte Hornets, the Communists look like they might take a respectable #2 spot with about 15-20 percent of the vote. But they won't go any farther than the United Russia defense will allow them to, and definitely won't be doing any end zone dancing. A line of soggy police tape could keep these pinkos from crossing the goal line.

Injury Report

Lots of brittle hips, bad eyesight, penile erectile dysfunction, near-sightedness means most players will be used only sparingly.

SPS (Union of Right Forces)

Called by some "the great liberal hope" and by others "the team that ruined the NEL," the SPS, led by legendary Anatoly Chubais, the Barry Sanders of Russian elections: he's a franchise player for a team whose fortunes have gone steadily downhill since 1993, yet the team can't imagine existing without Chubais taking 40 carries per election.

Team History

The party of the "young reformers," the SPS's first incarnation was as Russia's Democratic Choice, which failed to sweep the 1993 elections despite crude media manipulation on a level that would make United Russia almost blush. Almost. They fell apart in 1995, only to reunite in 1999 as a pro-Putin, pro-war liberal party gathering all of the Pinochet groupies like Chubais, Yegor Gaidar, Sergei Kiriyenko, as well as Boris Nemtsov and Irina Khakamada. After successfully smearing Yavlinsky for his taking a principled anti-war stand, the SPS Pinochetites started to find themselves in growing opposition to Putin, as they found out that he wasn't their Pinochet, but some other group's Pinochet. Employed the single worst PR strategy in the 2003 elections in commercials showing the SPS leaders as elitny jet-setters with laptops, and lost what little support they had, falling to under 5% of the vote.

Strengths

Anatoly Chubais, head of the national energy grid and one of Putin's original co-clan comrades.

Weaknesses

Anatoly Chubais, the most hated man in Russia. Fear of having their Rublyovka dachas taken away limits their intensity of play. Track record in the 1990s when they ruled the country, impoverishing the entire nation. Since most Russians don't relish the day when they will once again be impoverished while American officials return to their TVs telling them they need to continue cutting their budgets and selling off their key assets, SPS will have a tough time getting the crowds back.

Draft Report

Tried again late last year to draft Yabloko, but failed to agree. Stuck with the same not-so-young reformers as they've always had.


SHARE:  Del.icio.us  Digg  My Web  Facebook  Reddit
 
 
FROM THE VAULT
Ofis Space
No Soul, No Vote :

Recession Penis :
McCain
US Elections Special Part I: A McCainiac On The Loose :

Extreme Murse-Over :
 

 
 
 
LATEST ARTICLES

Save The eXile: The War Nerd Calls Mayday
Editorial
The future of The eXile is in your hands! We're holding a fundraiser to save the paper, and your soul. Tune in to Gary Brecher's urgent request for reinforcements and donate as much as you can. If you don't, we'll be overrun and wiped off the face of the earth, forever.

Scanning Moscow’s Traffic Cops
Automotive Section
We’re happy to introduce a new column in which we publish Moscow’s raw radio communications, courtesy of a Russian amateur radio enthusiast. This issue, eXile readers are given a peek into the secret conversations of Moscow’s traffic police, the notorious "GAIshniki."

Eleven Years of Threats: The eXile's Incredible Journey
Feature Story By The eXile
Good Night, and Bad Luck: In a nation terrorized by its own government, one newspaper dared to fart in its face. Get out your hankies, cuz we’re taking a look back at the impossible crises we overcame.

Your Letters
[SIC!]
Russia's freedom-loving free market martyr Mikhail Khodorkovsky answers some of this week's letters, and he's got nothing but praise for President Medvedev.

Clubbing Adventures Through Time
Club Review By Dmitriy Babooshka
eXile club reviewer Babooshka takes a trip through time with the ghost of Moscow clubbing past, present and future, and true to form, gets laid in the process.

The Fortnight Spin
Bardak Calendar By Jared Lindquist
Jared comes out with yet another roundup of upcoming bardak sessions.

Your Letters
[SIC!]
Richard Gere tackles this week's letters. Now reformed, he fights for gerbil rights all around the world.

13 Toxic Talents: Hollywood’s Worst Polluters
America By Eileen Jones
Everybody complains about celebrities, but nobody does anything about them. People, it’s time to stop fretting about whether we’re a celebrity-obsessed culture—we are, we have been, we’re going to be—and instead take practical steps to clean up the celebrity-obsessed culture we’ve got...

 
 
 

    MAIN    |    RUSSIA    |    WAR NERD     |    [SIC!]    |    BAR-DAK    |    THE VAULT    |    ABOUT US    |    RSS

© "the eXile". Tel.: +7 (495) 623-3565, fax: +7 (495) 623-5442
E-mail: office@exile.ru