Mankind's only alternative 8   FEB.   23  
Mankind's only alternative
Vlad's Daily Gloat - The eXile Blog

The Fall of The eXile For all those wondering what the "Save The eXile Fundrasier" banner is all about, here it is as simply as it can be phrased: The eXile is shutting down.
June 11, 2008 in eXile Blog

War Nerd: War of the Babies in Taki's Magazine The War Nerd talks about babies, the greatest weapon of the 20th century.
May 28, 2008 in eXile Blog

Kids, Meet Your President A website for Russian kids to learn all about President Medvedev's passion for school, sports and family.
May 22, 2008 in eXile Blog

Cellphone Democracy Cam If this girl was exposed to Jeffersonian democracy...
May 20, 2008 in Face Control

More Classy B&W Dyev Photos Yet another hot Russian babe imitating the Catpower look...
May 20, 2008 in Face Control

Proof That Genetic Memory Is Real! Sure, the Ottomans shut down the Istanbul Slavic slave markets centuries ago...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

Russia's Orthodox Church Youth Outreach Program The priest is going, "Father Sansei is very impressed with grasshopper Sasha’s...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

More Classy B&W Club Photos w/Russian Dyevs We took the Pepsi Challenge here...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

Blogs RSS feed

The War Nerd November 19, 2007
Da Kurds: Boo Hoo Who?
Why Kurdistan is not a nation and never will be By Gary Brecher Browse author Email
Page 2 of 5

You don't need to bother your little head too much about sending away for the 2-CD "Learn Old Prussian" set though, because it vanished along with the poor proto-victims who spoke it when the New Prussians, a bunch of aggressive Germans who fought like Tasmanian Devils (and were just about as good at making alliances, which is why they ended up losing it all). For a while there, Prussia was a small nation that didn't need any crap about "rights" or any New Jersey high-collar deacon defending it. They had this thing called The Prussian Fucking Army, the one that actually won the battle of Waterloo. (By the way, if you think Wellington beat Napoleon at Waterloo you need to go back to War Nerd Summer School. The short version is Napoleon beat Wellington, then Blucher mopped up the French when they'd worn themselves out stomping the Brits. If you've ever watched one of those one-day UFC tournaments, you know how it works: the winner is the one who drew a bye or a pushover in the first round and came in fresh like Blucher's boys did.)

So let's get real: small nations have no rights. Nobody has any rights. People have the guts and the guns or they're nothing. So the central fact about Kurdistan is that it hasn't managed to claw its way to existing, which means it doesn't have any "right" to exist.

Now I want to be fair here, so let me say up front it's not because the Kurds are cowards. Nobody ever said that about them. Besides, lots of cowardly tribes have managed to become "independent nations" with their little flags and seats at the UN and local big boys who get paid a million dollars to support Japan when they have one of those whaling votes. (And speaking of whales, they have about as many "rights" as an Old Prussian's skeleton sitting in a museum, meaning none. Don't get me started on the damn whales.)

The Kurds don't have a country because they have no discipline and plain old bad geographical luck. The wimpy countries are usually little islands, and when the sea powers like Britain and us were setting up the world, it just seemed natural to us that one island full of wogs talking their own little language equals one country. Why not? Nobody needed those little atolls anyway. Let'em have their flag and their little anthem and take the tourists for a few million every year.

But this "Kurdistan" footprint, this peanut of land, happens to be not just landlocked but dropped across the bloodiest borders in the world, the backwoods of the Fertile Crescent that people have been killing each other over since Sumerians started telling war stories with little bird-print writing on clay tablets. This is not Tahiti; it's Ground Zero. You want a country in these parts, you better be prepared to cross off most of your family tree in the process.

And the Kurds are willing to die, I'll give them that. Always have been. Good fighters; Saladin was a Kurd, after all. They just can't stay united for more than the time it takes to sign a manifesto. By the time they've got pen in hand to initial their latest United Front for Kurdistan memo, the Supreme Commander of the Kurdish Liberation Front has stabbed his imported Parker Pen into the throat of his ally of two minutes ago, the Generalissimo of the Free Kurdistan Army.

The Kurdish Descent: From Saladin to Tribal Rambos

It's not hard to fight people like that, or keep them "oppressed." You just farm it out to their relatives. Most of the time, you don't even need to use your own tribe's troops. Kurd-on-Kurd violence will do it. Which is why bravery isn't anywhere near as important as discipline in a military force. A force of 200 German clerks or Vietnamese insurance agents, no matter how many of them wear glasses and can't bench-press a Starbucks latte, will beat 200 Rambos every time on the battlefield, because 200 Rambos is pure chaos, nobody willing to obey orders. And Kurds, too bad for them, are a pretty Rambo-y group, all macho yelling, counting coup and strutting instead of sticking together. You get this a lot with mountain tribes, and the Kurds are mostly--not all--mountain people. "Our valley vs. the world," that kind of small-time crap. Cute if you're Swiss, but only because the Swiss valleys usually had enough sense to unite against foreign invaders. Kurds don't. They have what the professors call "local loyalties," meaning whatever little baron family always ran their valley.

SHARE:  Digg  My Web  Facebook  Reddit
Gary Brecher
Browse author
Email Gary at, but, more importantly, buy his book.

Political Trading Cards :
Luke Harding
The Guardian Apologizes For Plagiarizing The eXile : Luke Harding Gets Nuked!

The Hand that Counts the Vote :

Hot Afternoons in Armenia's Frozen Zone :


Save The eXile: The War Nerd Calls Mayday
The future of The eXile is in your hands! We're holding a fundraiser to save the paper, and your soul. Tune in to Gary Brecher's urgent request for reinforcements and donate as much as you can. If you don't, we'll be overrun and wiped off the face of the earth, forever.

Scanning Moscow’s Traffic Cops
Automotive Section
We’re happy to introduce a new column in which we publish Moscow’s raw radio communications, courtesy of a Russian amateur radio enthusiast. This issue, eXile readers are given a peek into the secret conversations of Moscow’s traffic police, the notorious "GAIshniki."

Eleven Years of Threats: The eXile's Incredible Journey
Feature Story By The eXile
Good Night, and Bad Luck: In a nation terrorized by its own government, one newspaper dared to fart in its face. Get out your hankies, cuz we’re taking a look back at the impossible crises we overcame.

Your Letters
Russia's freedom-loving free market martyr Mikhail Khodorkovsky answers some of this week's letters, and he's got nothing but praise for President Medvedev.

Clubbing Adventures Through Time
Club Review By Dmitriy Babooshka
eXile club reviewer Babooshka takes a trip through time with the ghost of Moscow clubbing past, present and future, and true to form, gets laid in the process.

The Fortnight Spin
Bardak Calendar By Jared Lindquist
Jared comes out with yet another roundup of upcoming bardak sessions.

Your Letters
Richard Gere tackles this week's letters. Now reformed, he fights for gerbil rights all around the world.

13 Toxic Talents: Hollywood’s Worst Polluters
America By Eileen Jones
Everybody complains about celebrities, but nobody does anything about them. People, it’s time to stop fretting about whether we’re a celebrity-obsessed culture—we are, we have been, we’re going to be—and instead take practical steps to clean up the celebrity-obsessed culture we’ve got...


    MAIN    |    RUSSIA    |    WAR NERD     |    [SIC!]    |    BAR-DAK    |    THE VAULT    |    ABOUT US    |    RSS

© "the eXile". Tel.: +7 (495) 623-3565, fax: +7 (495) 623-5442