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Field Guide October 1, 2007
 
Field Guide To Moscow: Rassclotus Chichimanus
 
 

Rassclotus Chichimanus

Russian Rasta

Russian Rasta

Distinguishing Features: dreadlocks; numerous marijuana-themed accessories; bloodshot eyes

Habitat: Phlegmatic Dog; Club Infiniti; Kitaisky Lyotchik; drug dens in Marino

Danger if Provoked: none. Rassclotus Chichimanus is perhaps the most docile species found in Moscow.

Mortal Weakness: African students who grow tired of humoring him; Skinheads; Head lice; overheated banyas that could melt hair weave

Comments: The Rassclotus Chichimanus has only recently been discovered. He is one of the few species in Moscow with protective coloration, attempting to project an image of poverty when in fact he is a member of the zolotoi molodozh. This strategy has largely failed and tends to attract the attention of several Moscow predators, including the militsia and skinheads, who regularly prey on the Rassclotus Chichimanus. He can usually be found moving slowly, wearing a grin and squinting at nothing in particular. Only when he eats does the Rassclotus Chichimanus display a sense of urgency, and has been known to devour entire Shok bars in two bites. The best-known specimen of Rassclotus Chichimanus is Kirill "Detsl" Tomaskiy.

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