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Field Guide December 31, 1970
 
Field Guide To Moscow: Asinus Vasallus
 
 

Asinus Vasallus

Gay Novikov Restaurant Waiter

Gay Novikov Restaurant Waiter

Distinguishing Features: Thin, hurried, young, with fashionably messy hair and androgynous boutique clothes; always rushing about; permanent snarl.

Habitat: All high-priced Novikov restaurants, and other establishments which try to immitate his restaurants. As yet, no Asinus Vasallus has been spotted in the wild.

Danger if Provoked: Zero. Asinus Vasallus will sneer at you no matter who you are or how you treat him.

Mortal Weaknesses: Asinus Vasallus, although physically slight, is protected by the fact that the homophobic Russian clientelle has absolutely no idea that their waiter is gay, because so are all of their favorite pop stars.

Comments: Was thought to have gone extinct sometime after the Revolution, but has recently staged a comeback, thanks in part to the preservation efforts of Dutch and German tourists.

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