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Editorial January 2, 2008
Russian Tourists: Betraying The Motherland
Tourists—Or Traitors?
No exotic foreign cuisine beats the taste of Home.

Over the next two weeks, more Russians will be flying to holiday vacation spots around the globe than at any time in this great nation's troubled history. Last year, over 15 million Russians, or more than 10 percent of the population, departed their motherland for an exotic holiday, and this winter vacation promises to set new records of Russian tourists.

While many may welcome this development as a further sign of Russia's remarkable economic boom, we at The eXile have a different view. We see middle-class Russians lining up at the airports, and we cry, "For shame, Russians! You are abandoning your Motherland at its moment of need, and selling Her assets for a song!"

Every Russian who travels abroad for the holidays is an accomplice in capital flight, one of the worst ongoing calamities of Russia's post-Soviet experience. Every Tolya, Dima and Sergei who spends his Russian-earned Euros on Egyptian or Thai-owned resorts, stores and diving schools is essentially taking Russian capital out of the Motherland and putting it into the pockets of dark-skinned, non-Slavic, non-Orthodox heathens. Is this what Rus has toiled for all of these centuries?

For years now, Russians have been outraged at the way blood-sucking foreigners come into Russia and feed off of its riches, taking over Russian markets, trading stands, lucrative construction jobs, and production. Russians have been justified in feeling this sense of outrage. So where is the patriotism now, when vacation time beckons?

Betrayal to the Motherland is the greatest ongoing tragedy of Russia's history--nearly every epoch has its traitors, and the Putin Era, for all of its achievements, is no exception. President Vladimir Putin has done his share to bring Russian assets back under the control of the Russian people, reclaiming "privatized" natural resources from the oligarchs and placing them in state hands, where all Russians can benefit from them. All he asks in return is that you, the Russian citizen, give a little up yourselves.

And really, is it so hard? What do sunny Egyptian or Thai or Vietnamese resorts have, with their warm transparent waters and perfect 30-degree weather, that podmoskovie's numerous pensionati and sanitariums don't? We'll tell you what: nasty inconveniences like coral, which the locals want us to believe is alive, and so they always yell at poor Russian tourists to "stop walking on the coral!" (Ha! Have you ever heard something so stupid in your life, rocks that are alive?!).

We believe that now is the time to call on patriotic Russians to start taking socially responsible holiday vacations. That means vacationing right here in the Motherland. Surely, as our correspondent Yasha Levine proves in this issue, the pensionats and sanitariums of podmoskovie are no worse than the island-beaches of Kho Lanta or Goa. For one thing, the sushi in podmoskovie is much better than the spicy monkey food that the Thais and Indians force you to eat! Their so-called food isn't even edible, there's literally nothing to eat! And as for Egypt, have you ever tried to go out to a kiosk or 24-hour produkty store in Sharm El Sheikh to buy a bottle of Putinka vodka at three in the morning? No? That's because you can't in Egypt. What kind of a dump is that?!

Sure, podmoskovie resorts are twice or three or even 50 times the price of beach resorts in Egypt, Thailand and Goa, but that's because they're that much classier. Put it this way: you don't see too many Egyptians or Thais coming to podmoskovie for the winter holidays. We all know the reason why: because they can't afford it! This alone should make holidaying in podmoskovie worth the price of a holiday.

Russia needs a strong leader to guide and protect it. Sometimes, this leader needs to protect Russia from its citizens' basest instincts. We believe that the time has come for the government to take action in order to encourage Russian citizens to choose socially responsible holiday vacation packages over those which contribute to capital flight, decadence, and disease.

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Save The eXile: The War Nerd Calls Mayday
The future of The eXile is in your hands! We're holding a fundraiser to save the paper, and your soul. Tune in to Gary Brecher's urgent request for reinforcements and donate as much as you can. If you don't, we'll be overrun and wiped off the face of the earth, forever.

Scanning Moscow’s Traffic Cops
Automotive Section
We’re happy to introduce a new column in which we publish Moscow’s raw radio communications, courtesy of a Russian amateur radio enthusiast. This issue, eXile readers are given a peek into the secret conversations of Moscow’s traffic police, the notorious "GAIshniki."

Eleven Years of Threats: The eXile's Incredible Journey
Feature Story By The eXile
Good Night, and Bad Luck: In a nation terrorized by its own government, one newspaper dared to fart in its face. Get out your hankies, cuz we’re taking a look back at the impossible crises we overcame.

Your Letters
Russia's freedom-loving free market martyr Mikhail Khodorkovsky answers some of this week's letters, and he's got nothing but praise for President Medvedev.

Clubbing Adventures Through Time
Club Review By Dmitriy Babooshka
eXile club reviewer Babooshka takes a trip through time with the ghost of Moscow clubbing past, present and future, and true to form, gets laid in the process.

The Fortnight Spin
Bardak Calendar By Jared Lindquist
Jared comes out with yet another roundup of upcoming bardak sessions.

Your Letters
Richard Gere tackles this week's letters. Now reformed, he fights for gerbil rights all around the world.

13 Toxic Talents: Hollywood’s Worst Polluters
America By Eileen Jones
Everybody complains about celebrities, but nobody does anything about them. People, it’s time to stop fretting about whether we’re a celebrity-obsessed culture—we are, we have been, we’re going to be—and instead take practical steps to clean up the celebrity-obsessed culture we’ve got...


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