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[SIC!] February 8, 2008
Your Letters


(This issue’s [sic] letter of the week comes from Richard Bickerstaff, who’d sent us his Dyevolution article, and was never informed that we planned to publish it. Here is his reply to our surprise publication.)


Dear Exile Editor,

Maybe I could get a heads-up you're publishing that article? Way to inspire your freelancers! I didn't even greenlight you to publish it, I asked if you were interested. I figured you guys are constitutionally tight-pursed, and it's one of those things you intuitively imagine mainstream publications being squeamish to say, perhaps, although I don't know. It's short, in the form it's in, but if there's a grain of truth to it, it's kind of a big deal, whether anybody's allowed to say it, or takes note. I mean, I think if I were Vladimir Putin, I'd want to at least consider the notion, for forty-five seconds, and fuck, who knows, maybe he will. My friend's like "did you see that thing hot Russian chicks on the Exile? I sent it to my [hot American/Russian] girlfriend."(without knowing I wrote it! Seriously!) Can I at least get a couple print copies of that?

You should anonymously send it to the Howard Stern people. It's short and simple enough one of his moron-staffers could comprehend it, and I'm sure they've seen Eastern-bloc strippers, at least (I have...usually from Ukraine or Belarus). I would, but the cost/benefit doesn't look promising on my end.


Dear Mr. Richard,

Damn, that literary ego of yours has got a serious future! Seriously, you got a little whiff of literary fame, and suddenly we're now the reason why that letter-transformed-into-an-article isn't causing what they call a "paradigm shift" in Western civilization, not to mention in Howard Stern's show. We're not mocking your lit ego dude. Seriously. We're saying, "Run with it, let it fly like the wind, release its energy into the wild and watch it soar to mighty heights, O great ego!" And if in the end your Tasmanian Ego leaves you broke, friendless, medical-insurance-less, and unfairly un-discovered and un-famous just when the first signs of diabetes appear, then hey, take it from us: you won't regret a thing.


Dear eXile Readers,

Dear Editor,

So-called "Russian minority" mostly consists of occupant leftovers who have no right to gain citizenship. Take some time and read the Geneva IV convention which clearly states "Art. 49. The Occupying Power shall not deport or transfer parts of its own civilian population into the territory it occupies."

Therefore - not a minority, but illegal inhabitants [gee, rhymes with "illegal combatants." Guantanamo anybody?--Ed]. Putin has called them back to Russia many times and USA gave money to build apartments in Russia for ex-military personnel, but still they prefer to live in a country where they are not liked very much. Their problem.

Nazi-Germany tried to create a race called "übermensch", but in Soviet Union the project succeeded and the results can be seen forming the core of Notsnoi Dozor, Nashi and other fashist organisations.


Dear Mr. Estonian, You know, we could have replied by pointing out that your article is a raw, unvarnished example of pure European village fascism of the sort that died out a few decades ago in real countries, but that would be too easy. We'd call you a sub-chukhonets and tell you to go back to the northeastern Asian tundra where you Finno-Urgs came from, but that would be too much effort. So instead we'll just call you the worst thing we can think of: "Estonian." Because in the world of nations that matter like Russia or America, the word "Estonia" is a synonym for "who?"

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Save The eXile: The War Nerd Calls Mayday
The future of The eXile is in your hands! We're holding a fundraiser to save the paper, and your soul. Tune in to Gary Brecher's urgent request for reinforcements and donate as much as you can. If you don't, we'll be overrun and wiped off the face of the earth, forever.

Scanning Moscow’s Traffic Cops
Automotive Section
We’re happy to introduce a new column in which we publish Moscow’s raw radio communications, courtesy of a Russian amateur radio enthusiast. This issue, eXile readers are given a peek into the secret conversations of Moscow’s traffic police, the notorious "GAIshniki."

Eleven Years of Threats: The eXile's Incredible Journey
Feature Story By The eXile
Good Night, and Bad Luck: In a nation terrorized by its own government, one newspaper dared to fart in its face. Get out your hankies, cuz we’re taking a look back at the impossible crises we overcame.

Your Letters
Russia's freedom-loving free market martyr Mikhail Khodorkovsky answers some of this week's letters, and he's got nothing but praise for President Medvedev.

Clubbing Adventures Through Time
Club Review By Dmitriy Babooshka
eXile club reviewer Babooshka takes a trip through time with the ghost of Moscow clubbing past, present and future, and true to form, gets laid in the process.

The Fortnight Spin
Bardak Calendar By Jared Lindquist
Jared comes out with yet another roundup of upcoming bardak sessions.

Your Letters
Richard Gere tackles this week's letters. Now reformed, he fights for gerbil rights all around the world.

13 Toxic Talents: Hollywood’s Worst Polluters
America By Eileen Jones
Everybody complains about celebrities, but nobody does anything about them. People, it’s time to stop fretting about whether we’re a celebrity-obsessed culture—we are, we have been, we’re going to be—and instead take practical steps to clean up the celebrity-obsessed culture we’ve got...


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