Anna Nicole Smith may be dead, but the saga of her hot-mess-ness lives on in her offspring. It has been announced that baby Danielynn, the potential heir to the hotly contested fortune of Smith's late billionaire husband, is cross-eyed. It was the drugs, right? But pimp daddy Larry Birkhead has stated that the little girl's condition doesn't have anything to do with the inordinate amount of chemicals her crackwhore mother was ingesting during gestation. "...I point-blank [asked] every single doctor, 'Could any medications that Anna was on have caused this? And they said that it's more likely that a genetic reason could have caused it." Medications? Uh-huh. Is the jury really still out on methadone usage by pregnant women? In the meantime, Danielynn sports an eye patch to help correct her wonky eyes. She's totally the next Paris Hilton in training!
The world found out this week that Tom Cruise was awarded a Freedom Medal of Valor by the "Church" of Scientology. The Internet was swimming with leaked (and now pulled) video footage of the religious fanatic in what is widely claimed to be an indoctrination video for Scientology. Crazier than ever, Mr. Cruise's 10-minute video is essentially a bunch of gobbledy-gook that is even more bizarre than the couch-jumping incident, and possibly more painful to watch than his interview with Matt Lauer.
Tom rambles on incoherently, peppering his inane jimble-jamble with occasional maniacal laughter. He does what he can, the way he does everything... If you hate yourself enough to subject yourself to it, as of this writing the video has not yet been pulled from Gawker.Com.
Britney forgets her corncob
For anyone who lives in a cave and missed it during the holidays, Britney Spears has gone officially, publicly, totally and completely batshit. Most are now speculating that she has a mental illness, including but not limited to bipolar disease and possibly even multiple personality disorder.
Blah blah blah. The news this week is that during her many visits to Ralph's grocery store and other hotspots like 7-Eleven and Starbucks, Britney pulled a Lohan and left the house wearing no pants. But pants weren't the only thing she forgot: Britney's monthly visitor apparently dropped by at a paparazzi-filled parking lot. Apparently x17 was the only website that was not above publishing the pix of Britney black-and-white-and-red all over. Celebrity gossips everywhere have been hypocritically balking at x17's lack of ethics in posting the pictures. Nigga please. Bitch loves this shit.
Britney's trail of blood put an end to the pregnancy rumors that started the day before when Brit-Brit and shady pap boyfriend Adnan Ghalib made a big deal of shopping for HPTs at the local drugstore.
The US has something to offer you now, Moscow expats!
After a recent pseudo-scandal triggered by photos showing her in suggestive, lesbian-type activity, fifteen-year old actress Miley Cyrus (aka Hannah Montana), the object of pedophile fantasies everywhere, got a makeover. The new look has sparked even more inappropriate comments by Lolita lurkers on tha Internets with only one hand on the keyboard. Hurry up and stock up on Ya Sam baby lotion before she grows some pubes!