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Vlad's Daily Gloat - The eXile Blog

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[SIC!] March 21, 2008
Your Letters


Dear Vlad,

I was very "impressed" with your drunken arguments indulging in rhetorical ammunition to defend your point of Russia as emerging power in contrast with collapsing American empire with its massive "retarded" way of thinking. However, you'd rather stop looking into the mirror and look out of the window.

Here are some of my thoughts, based on some facts. I understand that it is very easy to blame your country's misfortunes on somebody else. As you claim that Yeltsin-era banking system collapsed under American guidance, so be it, but it was Russians not Americans who voted for Yeltsin for almost 8 years, reelecting him in 1994. If people were oblivious of Yeltsin being pro-Western and not suitable for the presidency then it was their own mistake to reelect him, as the States were maintaining their foreign policy in accordance with National Security program for which they were not to be blamed (every country has its right to maintain one). Besides Russians had opportunities to withstand American influence before the collapse of Soviet Union and allow the invisible hand of the market finally penetrate their state-controlled economy, which they failed to do. Blame bureaucrats, blame government, blame people longing for political and economic freedom.

It's nice you mentioned Russian "trade surplus", as it rises another argument. Commonly-known fact is that post-Soviet economy has been mostly about rising prices for its mineral recourses: country's trade surplus has been generated by its limited product range, making Russia another "Saudi-Arabia-type" country.

I am half-American, and somehow you hurt my feelings. Americans stand for reforms as well as effective national security programs. I know we are in need of change, but so do Russians with their persevering paranoia about nationalism and foreign aggressors. And I must disappoint you that there will be hundreds of years before our Power State collapses, as there are too many countries reliant on States' economy.

I understand you shifted from rational discourse to the emotionally-laden "pro-Russian"="anti-American" dispute, which is quite a standard practice. And I must be a complete dittohead to think you will publish my "retarded" response, as my prime concern was to defend my rights in the first place

Best regards,

Retarded Little Mind with Fat Fucking Face.

Mary Morgan

Dear Ms. Morgan,

Your letter is…like sex for us. We’ve worked years and years aiming for a perfect letter like this, a pure expression if there ever was one of The eXile causing a smug American to squeal in pure raw pain. You know, all the poverty, all the problems we go through, all of them are worth it when we get letters like yours. You’ve got a [sic] t-shirt coming your way. Wear it proud, Mary.


Dear War Nerd,

Well, I was reading your article "Kosovo: The Brave Tribes Are Doomed." However, I realized it was published eight days ago so it must be of no importance right now.

Have a good one.

Peter Subotic

Dear Mr. Subotic, Damn, you said a funny. Folks, we’re going to raise the curtain here for a sec and explain to you the "oomph" in this joke. You see, Gary’s piece about Kosovo was all about explaining to idiotic Americans how events like a 700 year old battle can be more important today than what happened an hour ago. And then Peter…are you following us here?...he just wrote a letter saying that since he didn’t read Gary’s article until 8 days after it was posted, that therefore it’s irrelevant…did you follow that people? It’s what we in show business call "irony." You can really learn something about this "irony" thing by watching the pros like our Peter Subotic.

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Save The eXile: The War Nerd Calls Mayday
The future of The eXile is in your hands! We're holding a fundraiser to save the paper, and your soul. Tune in to Gary Brecher's urgent request for reinforcements and donate as much as you can. If you don't, we'll be overrun and wiped off the face of the earth, forever.

Scanning Moscow’s Traffic Cops
Automotive Section
We’re happy to introduce a new column in which we publish Moscow’s raw radio communications, courtesy of a Russian amateur radio enthusiast. This issue, eXile readers are given a peek into the secret conversations of Moscow’s traffic police, the notorious "GAIshniki."

Eleven Years of Threats: The eXile's Incredible Journey
Feature Story By The eXile
Good Night, and Bad Luck: In a nation terrorized by its own government, one newspaper dared to fart in its face. Get out your hankies, cuz we’re taking a look back at the impossible crises we overcame.

Your Letters
Russia's freedom-loving free market martyr Mikhail Khodorkovsky answers some of this week's letters, and he's got nothing but praise for President Medvedev.

Clubbing Adventures Through Time
Club Review By Dmitriy Babooshka
eXile club reviewer Babooshka takes a trip through time with the ghost of Moscow clubbing past, present and future, and true to form, gets laid in the process.

The Fortnight Spin
Bardak Calendar By Jared Lindquist
Jared comes out with yet another roundup of upcoming bardak sessions.

Your Letters
Richard Gere tackles this week's letters. Now reformed, he fights for gerbil rights all around the world.

13 Toxic Talents: Hollywood’s Worst Polluters
America By Eileen Jones
Everybody complains about celebrities, but nobody does anything about them. People, it’s time to stop fretting about whether we’re a celebrity-obsessed culture—we are, we have been, we’re going to be—and instead take practical steps to clean up the celebrity-obsessed culture we’ve got...


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