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May 15, 2008 in Face Control

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[SIC!] March 21, 2008
 
Your Letters
 
Page 3 of 4
 

LEPROSY ALERT!

Mr. Zaitchik,

I really enjoy your articles. From taking solace in the fact that the Starbucks you avoid in the states might help crush the even more despicable Moscow manifestations of Coffee Haus and Shokoladnitsa to your environmentalist exposes and pointing out western media bullshit about Russia, it is all golden. I am writing now in response to your blog about Reason's lack of a response to Klein's book. Did you get a chance to see/hear Klein argue with Alan Greenspan on "Democracy Now"? It was great both in terms of seeing Greenspan mount an intelligent libertarian defense (and clearly out smarting Klein at points), but by the end of the hour faltering on such obvious absurdities of the dogma when talking about things like American education. I still have somewhat more respect for him for appearing on "Democracy Now" with Klein, but no more respect for libertarianism.

Peace from Murmansk,

Andy

Dear Mr. andy, Vlad Kalashnikov replies, "Jesus fuck me christ, what is an American doing in Murmansk? Dontcha know Russia kicked the America-British asses in 1919 out of Murmansk? Get a fuck out you leprosy loser, stop taking Russian girls and Russian money!" Sorry Andy, he said it, not us. We’d have said something more disparaging about what a guy in Murmansk is doing wasting his time listening to a podcast of Alan Greenspan interviewing on Democracy Now. Don’t you know that there are hundreds of thousands of hot young dyevs just waiting to get infected with leprosy and syphilis? Jesus man, do your job, or else we’ll sic Vlad back on you!

CANUKE AMERIKA

Vlad,

Let a Canadian in on the fun too. I think most Canadians hate Amerika as much as Vlad does, I do. Over 45 they probabely think Amerika is OK. Under 45 they hate the piggy fuckers. I'm 61 in April and I've hated the fuckers my whole life.

Thanks for the great reads.

Russell

Dear Mr. Russell, As a Canadian, you should pity, not hate America. Our currency has plummeted below yours, Americans are seeking asylum in Canada for health care. Really, a Canadian hating an American is just cruel and snotty, as if, for example, Americans were to hate Mexicans, you know cuz their currency is a joke and they all want to work in America. You see, Americans would never do that to Mexican, so why would you high-falutin’, stronger-currency-flauntin’, free-health-care-totin’, higher-standard-of-livin-packin’ Canadians spit on people lower than you? Where’s your humanity, eh?

JOHN THE BUTT-KISS

Dear Gary:

I love your writing. It's jaded yet nuanced and eloquent. But please, can you include some references to the history we both love. At the very least a Wikipedia link, occasionally? Even better, and maybe profitably, some links to Amazon for original sources.

Thank you.

John

Dear Mr. John, Are you really that stupid that you don’t know how to look shit up yourself? Ever heard of "google"? It’s pretty amazing, you should check it out someday.

JANNISORRYASS

Gary,

I think I'm dying just laughing over your Kosovo piece. You know, I'm more of the Condi inclination: cowardly, I-wasn't-even-born-then-y, more interested in Malibu and Britney Spears's ass.

But you make me care about this War shit. I really have no grudge against Serbs, and I can't fuckin' stand Albanians. All I know is, as someone who descends from the Janissaries, if there was a time machine and I could beam myself back to 1389, I'd first go grab a few of those Jannies by their collars to shout "what the fuck are you doing, huh?", after which I'd probably shit in my baggy pants at the sight of the fratricidal Ottomans, upon which excretory emission I'd just ask the time-machine operator to beam me back, preferably to a cooler period where Malibu was funner (less mestizoed) than today.


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FROM THE VAULT

Shandra Club & Restaurant : PG Stripper Fun
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Katz 2.0 @ Version 1.0 :
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Letter from Moron 5's Lawyer :
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Zen and the Art of Volga Ownership :
 

 
 
 
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