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[SIC!] May 8, 2008
 
Your Letters
 
Page 3 of 3
 

KOSOVO JE [sic]BIJA

Vlad,

your gloats are pretty much the only reason I get out of bed in the morning because America sucks so much, I am surrounded by Americans, and I am an American, it sucks a lot.

Zhivelya Rosija!

Smrt Ameriki!

Serbian?! That's not Russian?!

Alex

Dear Mr. Alex, Barack Obama replies, "Can I let you in on a little secret? The day I’m elected President, there will be no more ‘America’ left to worry about. My motto is: ‘Yes I Can.’ But I left out the second part, if you flip over the signs: ‘Destroy America!’ The difference between you and me, Alex, is that you say ‘Smrt Ameriki!’ while I do ‘Smrt Ameriki!’ But mum’s the word, Alex. That’s our little secret."

TIBET IT ALL

Dear Gary,

Referring to your story on Tibet, in case you're not fed up with this country's glorious history and still wonder where to find any non-Chinese sources on it, I'd like to recommend the works of Lev Gumilev, a prominent Russian historian. He wrote tons on Central Asia (btw, he was even a bigger fan of the Mongols than you are). Unfortunately, I don't know if any of his books are available in English, but try googling up his works, such as "An End And A New Beginning" or "Searching For An Imaginary Kingdom".

Also -- I know your editors will trash me for this -- I dare say that your notion of Buddhists as quiet beetle-kissing hippies is a gross misperception. That same Gumilev wrote that when a Tibetan prince finally decided to impose Buddhism on his fiefdom, there were eyeballs and fingers of Bon hardliners scattered all around his palace. (I'm telling you, READ this guy, you'll enjoy his stuff immensely.)

China also has a long history of Buddhist sects staging coups and initiating violent repressions on their opponents (look up the White Horse sect). So maybe it wasn't Zen that subdued the Tibetans to the Chinese. Maybe they were just too fucking backward.

Regards,

Igor

Dear Mr. Igor, John McCain replies, "I like your point. Basically you’re saying, ‘I hate gooks,’ which is all I was trying to say when I said ‘I hate gooks’ a few years ago. It’s called ‘straight talking’ and quite frankly, we need more of it."

DOH!-BAMA

Dear Mr. Kalashnikov,

Saw your comments on the 'food shortage' here in America. Dream on dumbass. You're in fantasyland. You were right about one thing; America IS Great. And compared to Russia, it will ALWAYS be Great! That's not a tough feat for anybody. I'll think of you while I'm at my all-you-can-eat buffet tonight.

ciao!

Dale

Dear Mr. Dale, Barack Obama replies, "Dale, let’s get beyond the rhetoric of ‘food shortage’ and start making the transition towards the rhetoric of two words that I think are much more positive and inspiring: SLAVERY REPARATIONS. God, I love the ring of that phrase, don’t you?"


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