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EXILE BLOGS

The Fall of The eXile For all those wondering what the "Save The eXile Fundrasier" banner is all about, here it is as simply as it can be phrased: The eXile is shutting down.
June 11, 2008 in eXile Blog

War Nerd: War of the Babies in Taki's Magazine The War Nerd talks about babies, the greatest weapon of the 20th century.
May 28, 2008 in eXile Blog

Kids, Meet Your President A website for Russian kids to learn all about President Medvedev's passion for school, sports and family.
May 22, 2008 in eXile Blog

Cellphone Democracy Cam If this girl was exposed to Jeffersonian democracy...
May 20, 2008 in Face Control

More Classy B&W Dyev Photos Yet another hot Russian babe imitating the Catpower look...
May 20, 2008 in Face Control

Proof That Genetic Memory Is Real! Sure, the Ottomans shut down the Istanbul Slavic slave markets centuries ago...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

Russia's Orthodox Church Youth Outreach Program The priest is going, "Father Sansei is very impressed with grasshopper Sasha’s...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

More Classy B&W Club Photos w/Russian Dyevs We took the Pepsi Challenge here...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

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[SIC!] May 28, 2008
 
Your Letters
 
Page 3 of 3
 

What is your opinion on the current situation in Myanmar?

btw. I'd like to see a column about Chinese influence in Africa. China finances so many wars in Africa now. They deserve some credit!

Best Regards,

David Rattenburg

Dear Mr. Rattenburg,

Since you’ve ordered a copy of the War Nerd’s book, you shall be granted a personal audience at the War Nerd’s throne. Here is what His Nerdness has to say about Myanmar and Western aid, in response to your request. Ready? Here goes, straight from the war-se’s mouth: "The." Wow. Damn. Did you catch that? He said "the." And the thing is, he meant it. Pretty exciting isn’t it, how you can just buy a War Nerd book and then voila! He grants you a word in return. And not just any word, but a definite article of speech at that. Can we let you in on a little secret? If you want His Nerdness’s time and energy, you’re going to have to do more than just one pre-order. Say you bought like 10 books? Well, then you’d get a whole paragraph, something you could keep and show the kids. Buy 100 books? In the War Nerd’s sultan-like way of doing things, that’ll buy you a small column. Or what War Nerd might call "a love letter straight from my fucking ergonomic keyboard, fucker."

BLYA-BLYAH-BLAH

Dear Editor,

Greetings! There was a photo a few issues back of a fat, drunken man with the caption "Nu chyo blya!" Maybe it was in the Face Control section with other photos, but I can't seem to find it on your site. A friend of mine is obsessed with the word "blya(d')" and all variations thereof. Is there any way I could get that photo with the caption? Maybe you've got a JPEG of it? He wants it framed, but in the paper it's quite small.

Sorry for the trouble.

Thanks,

Kevin

Dear Mr. Kevin,

Hey wait a minute pal. We’re the ones who ask for jpegs here, so butt out. Your job is to sneak your mobile phone under your mom’s covers, snap a photo of her snap-… Wait, how do you say that? "Snap a photo of her snapper." No, that’s not right. Too alliterative. We’re just asking for snapper jpegs here, not trying to compete in some literary contest. Point being…wait, what were we saying?

YASHA UNMASKED!

Hello Yasha,

How are you? Hope you're doing fine. I had a perfect chance to read a couple of your stupid articles in "The Exile", on different topics. Actually, I was deeply "impressed" by what you had written there, especially about Russia and Russian people, Russian culture and so on. And I have only one-million-dollar question to you, Yasha: "If you are now a freakin' American whore, what a heck are you writing about Russia, idiot?" Thank you for your time, Yasha. Looking forward to hearing from you!

With Love,

Johnny!

Dear Mr. Johnny,

The reason why Yasha is writing about Russia is because he is a CIA agent working in collusion with Mossad in order to destroy Russia, steal its resources, and keep its people weak and helpless. You stopped his plan just in time. Good work, agent "Johnny." For rooting out this foreign spy, you shall be rewarded with the Ministry of Light Industry, and all the tariffs, licenses and agreements that fall within this ministry.


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FROM THE VAULT
Comix
àl-Dilbert :

Moscow's Kino Kalendar : English Language Films

Take America’s Navy Battle Group…Please! :

Lord of the Swine : Censorship in Russia: Revenge of the Disenfranchised
 

 
 
 
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