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[SIC!] February 20, 2002
E-Mail Your Letters to [SIC]:
Page 4 of 4
I would tell an untruth were I to claim I am unaware of the "sexiness" of my British accent. However, Mr. Higgins, I am of the opinion that relationships should be formed on foundation stronger than the passing craze of infatuation - be it with a man's refined British baritone, his "bitchin' ass" or indeed his "tube steak".

I hope this clarifies my position, and wish you all the best.

Very truly yours,

Nigel Fitzroy-Stanfort

Dear Mr. Fitzroy-Stanfort-ibn-Abdul-Aziz,

Dan Higgins replies, "This just proves you have a cocktail wiener and not serious tube-steak action like me. But I guess all you fuckin limeys are like that."


Eu me candidato a abrir cartas. Desde que nao estejam endere?adas ao presidente George Bush. Sabem como me encontrar. ? s? responder esse e-mail.

No mais, achei do caralho o site de voc?s. S?o de pessoas assim que o mundo est? carente. Que tenham a coragem de cuspir de volta o lixo em cima deles. Chega de lixo comercial-industrial. Chegou a nossa vez de cuspir o lixo de volta em voc?s. Vamos l?, apoio aos fracos e primidos...

Salve a Palestina, Iraque, Som?lia, Cor?ia, Col^mbia, Farc, Hezzbolah, etc...

Alexandre Gama

Campinas, Sao Paulo, Brasil

Dear Mr. Gama

What in God's name are you blabbering about, sir? Hello! Do you speak English? Parlez usted ingles? Do we need to send in the Special Ops to Sao Paulo and FORCE you to learn the world's only international language? You may use your local monkey language when communicating with your kind, but not with real people like us.


Dear Dan Higgins,

I was surprised when I had read what you had written. We have won the war, yes, but why had you said Europe is under a thumb? My own country, Belgium, is a longtime ally of the USA. We are partners in all the victories. Even now, there are Belgian soldiers helping in Afghanistan. Together with Netherlands, that number is over one hundred men. We won in Afghanistan, in Kosova, and we will win elsewhere, if they do not learn not to mess with us, because our cause is just. Go Belgium! Go USA!


Dear Jean-Jacques,

Dan Higgins replies: "Whoopdee doo! One hundred Belgians! No wonder we kicked ass in Afghanistan. It was those 100 fuckin Belgian pastry chefs! Dude, get one fuckin thing straight: you are not part of 'us'. I mean, we wouldn't let a fuckin Belgian into the Phi Delts if you were the last pledges on campus. The only reason we don't bomb your shitty little country is because you know how to take your place and shuttup. So stay that way."

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Save The eXile: The War Nerd Calls Mayday
The future of The eXile is in your hands! We're holding a fundraiser to save the paper, and your soul. Tune in to Gary Brecher's urgent request for reinforcements and donate as much as you can. If you don't, we'll be overrun and wiped off the face of the earth, forever.

Scanning Moscow’s Traffic Cops
Automotive Section
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Russia's freedom-loving free market martyr Mikhail Khodorkovsky answers some of this week's letters, and he's got nothing but praise for President Medvedev.

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13 Toxic Talents: Hollywood’s Worst Polluters
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Everybody complains about celebrities, but nobody does anything about them. People, it’s time to stop fretting about whether we’re a celebrity-obsessed culture—we are, we have been, we’re going to be—and instead take practical steps to clean up the celebrity-obsessed culture we’ve got...


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