Mankind's only alternative 7   FEB.   23  
Mankind's only alternative
Vlad's Daily Gloat - The eXile Blog

The Fall of The eXile For all those wondering what the "Save The eXile Fundrasier" banner is all about, here it is as simply as it can be phrased: The eXile is shutting down.
June 11, 2008 in eXile Blog

War Nerd: War of the Babies in Taki's Magazine The War Nerd talks about babies, the greatest weapon of the 20th century.
May 28, 2008 in eXile Blog

Kids, Meet Your President A website for Russian kids to learn all about President Medvedev's passion for school, sports and family.
May 22, 2008 in eXile Blog

Cellphone Democracy Cam If this girl was exposed to Jeffersonian democracy...
May 20, 2008 in Face Control

More Classy B&W Dyev Photos Yet another hot Russian babe imitating the Catpower look...
May 20, 2008 in Face Control

Proof That Genetic Memory Is Real! Sure, the Ottomans shut down the Istanbul Slavic slave markets centuries ago...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

Russia's Orthodox Church Youth Outreach Program The priest is going, "Father Sansei is very impressed with grasshopper Sasha’s...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

More Classy B&W Club Photos w/Russian Dyevs We took the Pepsi Challenge here...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

Blogs RSS feed

Moscow Babylon March 6, 2002
The Pankisi Whore
By Mark Ames Browse author Email

America is taking its War On Terrorism to Georgia, to hunt down Al Qaeda operatives who have supposedly holed up in a secluded shithole called The Pankisi Gorge. Just the name "Pankisi Gorge" sounds menacing enough to warrant a massive military response: "Pankisi", like the bug planet Klendathu in Starship Troopers, or a giant ray-breathing alien who gorges on unassuming American financiers by the skyscraper-full. No, we better carpet-bomb the whole goddamn Pankisi with thermobaric bombs and encase it in a giant lead tomb or else we're all fucked! No questions asked!

* * *

The Pankisi Gorge is in reality little more than a long ditch sandwiched between two mountain ridges which run like spines along the gorge, populated by a few thousand Kist and Chechen refugees, a few hundred transit Chechen fighters, and just enough haggard cattle and sheep to keep the lot of them nourished enough to plot the destruction of Western civilization. Set in one of the most corrupt regions on earth, you can understand why this makes a decent Evil Lair site for drug runners, weapons traffickers, kidnappers and "assorted scalawags," to quote Chopper. But Al Qaeda? Taking refuge on Russia's heavily-fortified border, in a Christian country whose government has been begging for NATO and American support since the day it declared independence? Aren't the Al Qaeda guys, like, supposed to hide in friendly countries with plenty of escape routes?

Something stinks here. And there's plenty of evidence that there's more to the American deployment than the reported few dozen Egyptian terrorists who plan to use that ditch as a staging ground to topple Washington.

Georgian Security Minister Valeri Khaburdzania claimed recently that information his men had squeezed from five Afghans and a Saudi and Jordanian caught trying to slip into Georgia from the Azeri border indicated that remnants of Al Qaeda were planning to setting up a terrorist training base in the Pankisi Gorge, using it to launch terrorist raids on Russia, as well as a kind of Underground Railroad weigh station to ferry terrorists into Europe and America via the gorge. (The logistics don't make a whole lot of sense, but then again none of Al Qaeda's hare-brained war plan has.)

American charge d'affairs Philip Remler said roughly the same in an interview a few weeks ago. Remler and his staff in Tblisi are under strict orders not to talk to any foreign reporters even off the record. He only revealed the United States' intent to take the War Against Towelism to Pankisi in an interview with a Georgian newspaper.

The Russians have been claiming all along that the Pankisi Gorge is a haven for international terrorists linked to Chechen separatist fighters, particularly the Jordanian-and/or-Saudi-born warlord Khattab. The Russians had hoped to use this information to gain support for invading Georgian territory under the "war on terrorism" auspices; instead, their cries of bin-wolf-Laden wound up attracting the American military -- or giving them the opening they'd always sought.

Oops! Damn, blew that one pretty bad, Russia! Scratch Georgia off your list of "sphere of influence" countries, along with all the others. That was an expensive li'l boo-boo. Say «poka» to the Caspian Sea oil, comrades!

Americans now have troops or access to Kazakhstan, Kyrgyzstan, Uzbekistan, Tadjikistan and Georgia, while Armenia and Azerbaijan have both played host top American military brass recently. Add US-dominated Afghanistan and Pakistan into the equation, and America is now poised to control all the Caspian Sea oil and gas -- believed to have the world's third largest reserves -- from extraction point to shipping point -- to the exclusion of Russia and Iran.

Gee, this war on terror thing isn't all blood sweat and tears. It's turning out to be very conveeeenient for the all the folks who ever dabbled in that whole oil thingamajig, like what our Pres and VP used to do down thar in Texas 'n stuff. Oil. The War Against Terrorism. Gosh, who'd'a thunk you can get 2 for the price of 1? Anal Ad

SHARE:  Digg  My Web  Facebook  Reddit
Browse author
Email Mark Ames at

Lincoln Log Livin' : Life without sewage in downtown Irkutsk

Club Cruising in Moscow :

The Man Behind The Man :

Moscow Clubbing: To Have And To Have Yacht :


Save The eXile: The War Nerd Calls Mayday
The future of The eXile is in your hands! We're holding a fundraiser to save the paper, and your soul. Tune in to Gary Brecher's urgent request for reinforcements and donate as much as you can. If you don't, we'll be overrun and wiped off the face of the earth, forever.

Scanning Moscow’s Traffic Cops
Automotive Section
We’re happy to introduce a new column in which we publish Moscow’s raw radio communications, courtesy of a Russian amateur radio enthusiast. This issue, eXile readers are given a peek into the secret conversations of Moscow’s traffic police, the notorious "GAIshniki."

Eleven Years of Threats: The eXile's Incredible Journey
Feature Story By The eXile
Good Night, and Bad Luck: In a nation terrorized by its own government, one newspaper dared to fart in its face. Get out your hankies, cuz we’re taking a look back at the impossible crises we overcame.

Your Letters
Russia's freedom-loving free market martyr Mikhail Khodorkovsky answers some of this week's letters, and he's got nothing but praise for President Medvedev.

Clubbing Adventures Through Time
Club Review By Dmitriy Babooshka
eXile club reviewer Babooshka takes a trip through time with the ghost of Moscow clubbing past, present and future, and true to form, gets laid in the process.

The Fortnight Spin
Bardak Calendar By Jared Lindquist
Jared comes out with yet another roundup of upcoming bardak sessions.

Your Letters
Richard Gere tackles this week's letters. Now reformed, he fights for gerbil rights all around the world.

13 Toxic Talents: Hollywood’s Worst Polluters
America By Eileen Jones
Everybody complains about celebrities, but nobody does anything about them. People, it’s time to stop fretting about whether we’re a celebrity-obsessed culture—we are, we have been, we’re going to be—and instead take practical steps to clean up the celebrity-obsessed culture we’ve got...


    MAIN    |    RUSSIA    |    WAR NERD     |    [SIC!]    |    BAR-DAK    |    THE VAULT    |    ABOUT US    |    RSS

© "the eXile". Tel.: +7 (495) 623-3565, fax: +7 (495) 623-5442