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 For all those wondering what the "Save The eXile Fundrasier" banner is all about, here it is as simply as it can be phrased: The eXile is shutting down.
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 The War Nerd talks about babies, the greatest weapon of the 20th century.
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 A website for Russian kids to learn all about President Medvedev's passion for school, sports and family.
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| Feature Story |
May 29, 2002 |
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The Christ Cup 2002: Pregame Show!
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...Okay, we're back here at VNeX, the Victim League fans' only 24-hour network with eXclusive coverage of the 2002 World Victimization League's Christ Cup Finals. Let's turn now to our award-winning team covering this year's finals. With us for the pre-cup finals coverage is Jim McKay, whom we all know from his stellar coverage of one of the great World Victimization League regular season matches. It was 1972 in Munich, where the Israelis, then the world's undisputed champions, got shaken in Munich by an almost totally unknown expansion team who called themselves "The Palestinians." The match took place in Munich, home to so many memorable Victimization League matches throughout the centuries. And boy was that a moment. Sitting beside Jim McKay in the booth is Tom Jackson, former Denver Broncos linebacker and still as black as ever. And joining them is the inimitable rant machine, America's favorite quipster, Dennis Miller. This is a guy who'll make a victim out of all of us! Over to you, Jim. POINT SYSTEM Keeping Score in the WVL Christ Cup 2002 our poverty-stricken heels! | VICTIM | POINTS |
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| Non-Christian massacred by Christians | 3 | | Christian massacred by non-Christians | 0 | | Massacred by Muslim | 0.3 | | Massacred or jailed by Communists | 2.1 | | Massacred or jailed by China | 0.7 | | Massacred by other | 0.0015 | | Americans massacred by non-Americans | 3.2 | | American missionary in Russia | 1.3 | | Jews | 3.35 | | African-American | 1.8 | | Black South African | 1.4 | | White South African | 1.2 | | African | 0.45 | | Irish Catholic | 1.26 | | Basque | 0.31 | | Guatemalan Indian | 0.31 | | Fergana Valley Uzbek | 0 | | Karen | -0.3 | | Male | 0 | | *Male forced to grow beards | 2.4 | | Working class white males | 1.4 | | White trash | 1.45 | | Females | 1.5 | | African-American female | 1.2 | | Upper-middle class female married to cold corporate husband | 2.2 | | *Recovered-memory victims | 1.8 | | Other female | 0.7 | | *Female forced to cover face | 2.4 | | Gay | 1.4 | | Lesbian | 2.3 | | Bi-sexual | -1.1 | | HIV-positive | 0.3 | | HIV-positive gay artist | 2.2 | | HIV-positive Third World heterosexual | 0.25 | | HIV-positive drug addict | -3.5 | | Malaria-infected | n/a | | Dysentery-infected | n/a | | *Palestinian in Israeli-occupied territory | 2.9 | | *Palestinian in Arab refugee camp | 0.2 |
 Jim McKay: Good morning and welcome to the 2002 World Victimization League Christ Cup Finals pre-game preview. I'm Jim McKay, and I'm joined here by Tom Jackson and Dennis Miller. We've also got with us in the studio today one of the real Cinderella stories in the WVL, General Manager of the Palestinian team Yasser Arafat. Welcome, gentlemen. All: Good morning. McKay: Tom, it's been a helluva four-year season, full of upsets, surprises, ups and downs.
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| FROM THE VAULT |
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Save The eXile: The War Nerd Calls Mayday
Editorial
The future of The eXile is in your hands! We're holding a fundraiser to save the paper, and your soul. Tune in to Gary Brecher's urgent request for reinforcements and donate as much as you can. If you don't, we'll be overrun and wiped off the face of the earth, forever.
Scanning Moscow’s Traffic Cops
Automotive Section
We’re happy to introduce a new column in which we publish Moscow’s raw radio communications, courtesy of a Russian amateur radio enthusiast. This issue, eXile readers are given a peek into the secret conversations of Moscow’s traffic police, the notorious "GAIshniki."
Eleven Years of Threats: The eXile's Incredible Journey
Feature Story By The eXile
Good Night, and Bad Luck: In a nation terrorized by its own government, one newspaper dared to fart in its face. Get out your hankies, cuz we’re taking a look back at the impossible crises we overcame.
Your Letters
[SIC!]
Russia's freedom-loving free market martyr Mikhail Khodorkovsky answers some of this week's letters, and he's got nothing but praise for President Medvedev.
Clubbing Adventures Through Time
Club Review By Dmitriy Babooshka
eXile club reviewer Babooshka takes a trip through time with the ghost of Moscow clubbing past, present and future, and true to form, gets laid in the process.
The Fortnight Spin
Bardak Calendar By Jared Lindquist
Jared comes out with yet another roundup of upcoming bardak sessions.
Your Letters
[SIC!]
Richard Gere tackles this week's letters. Now reformed, he fights for gerbil rights all around the world.
13 Toxic Talents: Hollywood’s Worst Polluters
America By Eileen Jones
Everybody complains about celebrities, but nobody does anything about them. People, it’s time to stop fretting about whether we’re a celebrity-obsessed culture—we are, we have been, we’re going to be—and instead take practical steps to clean up the celebrity-obsessed culture we’ve got...
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