Mankind's only alternative 5   FEB.   23  
Mankind's only alternative
War Nerd RSS

The Fall of The eXile For all those wondering what the "Save The eXile Fundrasier" banner is all about, here it is as simply as it can be phrased: The eXile is shutting down.
June 11, 2008 in eXile Blog

War Nerd: War of the Babies in Taki's Magazine The War Nerd talks about babies, the greatest weapon of the 20th century.
May 28, 2008 in eXile Blog

Kids, Meet Your President A website for Russian kids to learn all about President Medvedev's passion for school, sports and family.
May 22, 2008 in eXile Blog

Cellphone Democracy Cam If this girl was exposed to Jeffersonian democracy...
May 20, 2008 in Face Control

More Classy B&W Dyev Photos Yet another hot Russian babe imitating the Catpower look...
May 20, 2008 in Face Control

Proof That Genetic Memory Is Real! Sure, the Ottomans shut down the Istanbul Slavic slave markets centuries ago...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

Russia's Orthodox Church Youth Outreach Program The priest is going, "Father Sansei is very impressed with grasshopper Sasha’s...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

More Classy B&W Club Photos w/Russian Dyevs We took the Pepsi Challenge here...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

Blogs RSS feed

Feature Story May 29, 2002
The Christ Cup 2002: Pregame Show!
Page 3 of 4
Tom Jackson: It really has, Jim.

McKay: Let's take a look back at the last few years. In 1998, the reigning champions the Bosnian Muslims, who took the Christ Cup in 1994, really collapsed badly. They just fell apart, losing in the opening round in '98 to the white American underclass, who made a spectacular showing in the early rounds.

Jackson: Well Jim, the Bosnians lost a lot of players to both the North American and the EuroLeague Divisions. The Bosnian team couldn't convert their stunning 1994 upset over the Jews to build a lasting franchise. Many of them got green cards.

Dennis Miller: Yeah, but no green eggs and ham. I mean come on, what is a Bosnian Muslim anyway? Are they for real?

McKay: (forcing a laugh) 1998, what a year. They say that when it comes to the Christ Cup, the only surprise is when there is no surprise. For years, the Jews dominated the games, going knee-to-knee with some of the greatest victim franchises in modern history: black people, the proletariat, colonial subjects, even slaves. Tom?

Jackson: You're right, the Jews have really been the team to beat throughout the second half of the 20th century. And everybody really expected them to close the millennium with a victory just to really seal their status as the 20th century's WVL champions. You know, there's a lot of controversy over that, with black people and Third Worlders claiming that they've been getting some unfair officiating and bad breaks, but you really have to hand it to the Jews. They were consistent. They stuck to the game plan. In 1998, there was no one Victim team that challenged the Jews. Schindler's List was still hot on everyone's mind. [Cut to highlights]

McKay: Yes it was, and what a film that was. It made me feel so awful, I almost moved to a kibbutz, even at my age.

Miller: Sorry Jim, they don't grow prostate cancer on their kibbutz farms. Stay in the US, you rich white corporate male.

McKay: Uh...huh. The Jews, led by the Holocaust Survivor Squad [Cut to highlights] and their motto "We must never forget," really redefined how the WVL game is played. They outscored, out-complained, and outspent every team they faced: the East Timorese, the Northern Irish Catholics, African-Americans, the gay and lesbian teams, AIDS carriers, Latin American peasants, you name it.

Jackson: That's right, Jim. But still they didn't have it easy. 1998 was the year that we first heard about globalization's victims.

McKay: It was the year of the Financial Crisis. The Asian Contagion. Look at this: in Indonesia, once the darling of the white male corporate world, suddenly 80 percent of the population was plunged into desperate poverty. The seeds were sewn for the South Pacific division teams to really come alive.

Jackson: And not just them, but it set the stage for educated, knit-hat-wearing, white Vegan university students in the North American and EuroLeague to make a run for it in 1999 at the North American division playoffs in Seattle.

McKay: Right you are. But still, the Jews went on to win in '98, in spite of strong showings by the East Timorese, the victims of globalization, and a solid showing by HIV-positive gay artists. What a century the Jews had. But 2002 is a new beginning. And as strong as the Jews are, really at every position on the field, one team has soared past everyone's expectations, coming almost to even odds by the bookies to take the Christ Cup this summer. I'm talking of course about the Palestinians. And with us here in our studio, we have the General Manager of the Palestinian team, Yasser Arafat.

Victim Network Pre—Game Lineup:

Jim McKay

Jim McKay

Tom Jackson

Tom Jackson

Dennis Miller

Dennis Miller

Yassir Arafat

Yassir Arafat

SHARE:  Digg  My Web  Facebook  Reddit

Moscow Nitelife Roundup :

The Fortnight Spin :

Separated At Eye Hood? :

The Russian Housing Crisis :


Save The eXile: The War Nerd Calls Mayday
The future of The eXile is in your hands! We're holding a fundraiser to save the paper, and your soul. Tune in to Gary Brecher's urgent request for reinforcements and donate as much as you can. If you don't, we'll be overrun and wiped off the face of the earth, forever.

Scanning Moscow’s Traffic Cops
Automotive Section
We’re happy to introduce a new column in which we publish Moscow’s raw radio communications, courtesy of a Russian amateur radio enthusiast. This issue, eXile readers are given a peek into the secret conversations of Moscow’s traffic police, the notorious "GAIshniki."

Eleven Years of Threats: The eXile's Incredible Journey
Feature Story By The eXile
Good Night, and Bad Luck: In a nation terrorized by its own government, one newspaper dared to fart in its face. Get out your hankies, cuz we’re taking a look back at the impossible crises we overcame.

Your Letters
Russia's freedom-loving free market martyr Mikhail Khodorkovsky answers some of this week's letters, and he's got nothing but praise for President Medvedev.

Clubbing Adventures Through Time
Club Review By Dmitriy Babooshka
eXile club reviewer Babooshka takes a trip through time with the ghost of Moscow clubbing past, present and future, and true to form, gets laid in the process.

The Fortnight Spin
Bardak Calendar By Jared Lindquist
Jared comes out with yet another roundup of upcoming bardak sessions.

Your Letters
Richard Gere tackles this week's letters. Now reformed, he fights for gerbil rights all around the world.

13 Toxic Talents: Hollywood’s Worst Polluters
America By Eileen Jones
Everybody complains about celebrities, but nobody does anything about them. People, it’s time to stop fretting about whether we’re a celebrity-obsessed culture—we are, we have been, we’re going to be—and instead take practical steps to clean up the celebrity-obsessed culture we’ve got...


    MAIN    |    RUSSIA    |    WAR NERD     |    [SIC!]    |    BAR-DAK    |    THE VAULT    |    ABOUT US    |    RSS

© "the eXile". Tel.: +7 (495) 623-3565, fax: +7 (495) 623-5442