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[SIC!] June 26, 2002
 
Your Letters
 
 

Write us: editor@exile.ru

EXAID

Dear eXile,

It seems like a very bad omen that 500,000 rubles = $16,666.66. How can I send a donation, from NY, to help the paper?

Dan Palchik

Dear Mr. Palchik,

Instead of sending us money, why don't you just send us a jpeg of your mom's snapper?

DEBERT

Dear Sirs;

Please see our notice of copyright infringement below. This is in regards to www.exile.ru which is a site hosted by your company. United Feature Syndicate, Inc. owns all of the copyrights, trademarks, and other subsidiary rights relating to the Dilbert comic strip and its characters. Please read and respond to this letter immediately.

Thank you,

Debra Strougo

Heil, Frau Straugo!

Brrrrr. Yep, we read the letter. We damn near wet our diapers. So here is our response, immediately:

Dilbert

UNICEX

hey there-

I'm not a hockey player, but I read your paper for free on the internet and it's only fair that I send you something. I haven't been in Russia since 1994 and you guys're my lifeline until I can get my ass back there. Let me know what's up, how I can send you some cash, etc.

later

Jason

Dear Jason,

You know something? We realized we were jerks to Dan up there, and in a way that was totally unnecessary, even by our standards. That wasn't right. It was downright rude, disgusting, and gratuitously sophomoric. Moreover, it only hurts us. And for what? A cheap laugh? The fact is that we really don't want a jpeg of Dan's mom's snapper (we already have several -- there's nothing Mrs. Palchik won't do for a camera!). Nope, what we want is money, and the reason we want money is that we want to keep putting out the eXile for all you folks out there in cyber-land. Stay tuned for the eXile's «ExAID» donation drive and concert to save the eXile. We're talking big-time stars here, folks. Here's a hint: ever heard of Serge and Journey Band? Huh? Does that get your heart racing a little? That's just a teaser! Trust us, we're talking on the level of a band like Uriah Heep's bass player, or even Ser-Ga!

TATAR SAUCE

I really enjoyed your piece on Tatarstan, which confirms a lot of what I've heard but have never been able to check out directly. It's much better than Jeffrey Tayler's article in the Atlantic a couple of months ago. (In case you missed it, he argues that McDonald's and television will keep Islamic fundamentalism at bay.)

It's also worth mentioning that Mintimer Shamiev is playing the same game that the leaders of Egypt and Saudi Arabia played, building up his popularity with housing subsidies and nationalist-but-not-too-nationalist appeals to the Tatars, while running an autocracy with «ivory snow» Soviet-style elections. He's a real piece of work, and I doubt that Putin will be able to get rid of him easily.

-- js

Dear js,

You forgot to add one vital thing: what a sexy ass Mintimer Shamiev has. It almost made us question our own sexuality. Just the thought of squeezing Shamiev's ass, kneading it like dough, and rolling the saggy flesh into triugolnie... Let's face it: Shamiev puts the "X" in sex!

WAR TURD

Hey there-

I follow your column with great interest and amusement -- for an armchair sergeant, you've got some pretty goddamn good perspectives. As an intelligence professional (stop fucking laughing), I need all the perspective I can get, so keep that shit up.

Just thought I would send you this article -- it's amusing as hell that the U.S. makes a habit of following 2nd-class powers like France (and now Russia!) into one strategic tidal swamp after another, regardless of the warning signs sprouting up everywhere. As a member of the armed forces whose bag is always packed, I find it especially disconcerting. Ah, well -- it's the price I pay for getting all of that cheap shopping on base, right?


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