Mankind's only alternative 21   MAR.   23  
Mankind's only alternative

The Fall of The eXile For all those wondering what the "Save The eXile Fundrasier" banner is all about, here it is as simply as it can be phrased: The eXile is shutting down.
June 11, 2008 in eXile Blog

War Nerd: War of the Babies in Taki's Magazine The War Nerd talks about babies, the greatest weapon of the 20th century.
May 28, 2008 in eXile Blog

Kids, Meet Your President A website for Russian kids to learn all about President Medvedev's passion for school, sports and family.
May 22, 2008 in eXile Blog

Cellphone Democracy Cam If this girl was exposed to Jeffersonian democracy...
May 20, 2008 in Face Control

More Classy B&W Dyev Photos Yet another hot Russian babe imitating the Catpower look...
May 20, 2008 in Face Control

Proof That Genetic Memory Is Real! Sure, the Ottomans shut down the Istanbul Slavic slave markets centuries ago...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

Russia's Orthodox Church Youth Outreach Program The priest is going, "Father Sansei is very impressed with grasshopper Sasha’s...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

More Classy B&W Club Photos w/Russian Dyevs We took the Pepsi Challenge here...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

Blogs RSS feed

Kino Korner September 6, 2002
Spielberg Needs A Stalker
By Mark Ames Browse author Email
Page 2 of 4
The problem with Steven Spielberg is that he is someone who clearly never felt pain in his life. A desire to please, an ambition to be loved, but never real pain or fear, never spite or envy. He was a nice, talented California Jewish boy with nice upper-middle-class Jewish parents, a family who cared for and nurtured him and helped, financially and emotionally, to raise him up to the exalted position he's in today. I'm sure that that Spielberg was rarely criticized in his home, that he was one of the rare Jewish-American boys whose parents never tortured their child with the esteem-shattering multiple-mind-fuck technology that most J's rain on their children from the day they're born till the day they flee (which is usually never).

I understand Spielberg's background because he graduated from my high school. It was an incredibly cruel school even by suburban California standards. Where the surfer world, the shitkickers, middle-class hippies and the obscene nouveaux riches all intersected. I can still remember Spielberg's senior class photo: a classic 4.0 twerp with an inappropriate long 70s hairdo. It was a compromise 70s hairdo, just as Spielberg has lived his life as one perfect compromise. Spielberg lets his hair just long enough to appear almost rebellious to his peers to minimize the milk carton launchings in the quad, yet not too long/rebellious as to scare his parents at home. Even when I arrived at Saratoga High, ten yeas after Spielberg, they still talked about him as a quiet, unmemorable twerp. The Saratogans were proud that he couldn't conquer the savage social ladder there, yet Hollywood was a breeze.

Spielberg got his revenge. It's a funny story about the depths of shamelessness that ambitious, shallow people will go to. When Schindler's List came out, a few critics had the balls to question how a pampered upper-middle class Californian like Spielberg, could imagine himself qualified to take on a subject so big and awful as the Holocaust. How did he have the right to presume himself capable? The obvious answer is that he didn't: it was a shitty movie unless, like me, you were rooting for the doomed Nazi commandant. Up till Stalingrad, let's face it: Fiennes' camp commandant character lived the life every male teenager dreams of leading: total power over thousands of people, free license to fuck, beat, and murder (even from the comfort of your balcony) anyone you wanted at any time without fear of consequences. The commandant behaved exactly as Beavis would behave if handed the keys to a death camp during the Reich's salad days. Again, Fiennes is the only interesting character in that film because Spielberg is only in touch with his 13-year-old self -- perhaps that's where his creative talents froze, like some Tin Drum kid -- totally lacking in self-awareness, yet still simplistic and raw enough to transmit that fantasy world of good and evil almost unmediated. Spielberg is only formulaic in the sense that all 13-year-olds are formulaic. Other directors are formulaic in that they copy Spielberg's adolescent formula.

Anyway, back to Spielberg's revenge: when a few cheeky critics who refused to be cowed by the Holocaust plot dared question what right Spielberg had to tackle that subject, Spielberg came out and did the unimaginable: he claimed that he had been the victim of brutal anti-Semitism oppression at, yup, you guessed it, Saratoga High. My alma-mater. It was one of the sweetest moments of vengeance for me on that most terror-worthy target of targets. Spielberg landed a WMD, contaminating it for years. You have to understand: Saratoga is one of the most obnoxiously pretentious enclaves in all of Northern California, often lobbying the San Jose Mercury News to write stories affirming that it is the "Beverly Hills of San Jose," a lie that only Saratogans believed, like Bucharest calling itself the "Paris of the Balkans." When Spielberg said that he was a victim of anti-Semitism at Saratoga High -- a complete lie, by the way -- he gave Saratoga the gift it had always sought: nation-wide recognition. Only now, as some kind of white supremacist enclave. Like Waco, Texas or Birmingham, Alabama. I laughed, literally laughed, for years.

SHARE:  Digg  My Web  Facebook  Reddit
Browse author
Email Mark Ames at

The Russian Housing Crisis :
One Day In The Life of Alina (or 24 Hours in a Kiosk) :

Your Letters :
War Nerd - Basra
Who Won Iraq's "Decisive" Battle? :


Save The eXile: The War Nerd Calls Mayday
The future of The eXile is in your hands! We're holding a fundraiser to save the paper, and your soul. Tune in to Gary Brecher's urgent request for reinforcements and donate as much as you can. If you don't, we'll be overrun and wiped off the face of the earth, forever.

Scanning Moscow’s Traffic Cops
Automotive Section
We’re happy to introduce a new column in which we publish Moscow’s raw radio communications, courtesy of a Russian amateur radio enthusiast. This issue, eXile readers are given a peek into the secret conversations of Moscow’s traffic police, the notorious "GAIshniki."

Eleven Years of Threats: The eXile's Incredible Journey
Feature Story By The eXile
Good Night, and Bad Luck: In a nation terrorized by its own government, one newspaper dared to fart in its face. Get out your hankies, cuz we’re taking a look back at the impossible crises we overcame.

Your Letters
Russia's freedom-loving free market martyr Mikhail Khodorkovsky answers some of this week's letters, and he's got nothing but praise for President Medvedev.

Clubbing Adventures Through Time
Club Review By Dmitriy Babooshka
eXile club reviewer Babooshka takes a trip through time with the ghost of Moscow clubbing past, present and future, and true to form, gets laid in the process.

The Fortnight Spin
Bardak Calendar By Jared Lindquist
Jared comes out with yet another roundup of upcoming bardak sessions.

Your Letters
Richard Gere tackles this week's letters. Now reformed, he fights for gerbil rights all around the world.

13 Toxic Talents: Hollywood’s Worst Polluters
America By Eileen Jones
Everybody complains about celebrities, but nobody does anything about them. People, it’s time to stop fretting about whether we’re a celebrity-obsessed culture—we are, we have been, we’re going to be—and instead take practical steps to clean up the celebrity-obsessed culture we’ve got...


    MAIN    |    RUSSIA    |    WAR NERD     |    [SIC!]    |    BAR-DAK    |    THE VAULT    |    ABOUT US    |    RSS

© "the eXile". Tel.: +7 (495) 623-3565, fax: +7 (495) 623-5442