Mankind's only alternative 7   FEB.   23  
Mankind's only alternative

The Fall of The eXile For all those wondering what the "Save The eXile Fundrasier" banner is all about, here it is as simply as it can be phrased: The eXile is shutting down.
June 11, 2008 in eXile Blog

War Nerd: War of the Babies in Taki's Magazine The War Nerd talks about babies, the greatest weapon of the 20th century.
May 28, 2008 in eXile Blog

Kids, Meet Your President A website for Russian kids to learn all about President Medvedev's passion for school, sports and family.
May 22, 2008 in eXile Blog

Cellphone Democracy Cam If this girl was exposed to Jeffersonian democracy...
May 20, 2008 in Face Control

More Classy B&W Dyev Photos Yet another hot Russian babe imitating the Catpower look...
May 20, 2008 in Face Control

Proof That Genetic Memory Is Real! Sure, the Ottomans shut down the Istanbul Slavic slave markets centuries ago...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

Russia's Orthodox Church Youth Outreach Program The priest is going, "Father Sansei is very impressed with grasshopper Sasha’s...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

More Classy B&W Club Photos w/Russian Dyevs We took the Pepsi Challenge here...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

Blogs RSS feed

Kino Korner September 19, 2002
Insomnia My Ass
By Mark Ames Browse author Email

Here's a little experiment. I'm writing a movie review on the film Insomnia after not having slept for over 24 hours. It's 9 a.m. This review is late by at least 12 hours. It should have been done a couple of days ago. The guy who comes to pick up our disks to take them to the film processor should be here in about an hour. It takes hours just to print the proofs of the issue's pages out. Last issue we did the same thing, even worse. We finished sometime in the afternoon, about 6 hours late, which caused yet another wave of discontent to sweep over the printing press masses at Moskovskaya Pravda. Gevorg tells us that they're starting to get sick of the cheap apology bottles of vodka that we send them after each massively-late issue. We're no longer cute foreigners, just a cheap pain in the ass. We set a bad example.

Gevorg called me last night, I don't remember exactly when: 9? 11? Midnite? He told me, in as reasonable tone of voice as someone in as powerless of a position as he's in with us, "Please Mark, don't let this issue be late. The last was really a problem. The complaints...they're really not happy."

"I know, I know," I said. He sensed that I didn't want to talk, and mercifully let me hang up. Insomnia

This issue is special for a few reasons. First, Dr. John Dolan has arrived to co-edit the newspaper. To borrow the old Negro wino routine: "This newspaper woodn' be sheeit if won't for Doctuh John Dolan!" It was Dolan who introduced me to Russian literature over a decade ago, pointing me in the right direction away from California, to the land of incident-riches: Moscow. More importantly, Dolan is the most talented comic writer in the English language, hands-down. There were times this summer when the abuse and irresponsibility got so bad we literally couldn't squeeze another page of text out of our skulls, no matter how shitty. The chemistry had quit. And Dolan came through, from New Zealand. It was amazing-like Bo Jackson against the Seahawks.

The second thing is that our designer got hepatitis-A and she's in the hospital. Our teenie-apprentice designer is filling in as best she can, which isn't easy considering our miserable work habits. We're all supposed to get tested for Hep tomorrow, though I'm exempt. I got all my vaccines a few years ago, after a scary fling I had with a fresh-out-of-jail dyev named Yulia.

And the third thing is...I haven't slept. This is the last article and everyone's waiting for it. It's now 9:30am and I've already failed to bat this thing out in 30 minutes. I've got the new Guided By Voices blasting on our little box. Those songs aren't nearly as easy to write as they sound. A friend burned for me the GBV box set last year, songs that Pollard recorded going back to the mid-late 80s on a shitty tape recorder. They're amazing! Hundreds of songs, each with its own memorable melody.

INSOMNIA the latest film by the director of Memento, Christopher Nolan. This is kind of a hard film to review, because more than anything it's just a disappointment. Memento was great. It made my palms sweat. It really caught what it feels like to be paranoid. To forget all the wrong things, to never trust your own memory yet to be around people who do trust their memories in a convincing way, and to be used and manipulated by the non-forgetters at crucial, painful points -- a problem of mine ever since marijuana destroyed entire fields of memory cells in my mind. Second and third viewings of Memento confirmed the sweaty palms test. In spite of Memento's "cool" noir gimmicks and its timely use of the tattoo.

Insomnia suffers from a long list of problems. The first is that the central problem here, insomnia, is very, very easily curable: Imovane! Ambien! Halcion! A top cop like Pacino would have no problem getting his hand on that shit. It works: problem solved! It's hard to feel sorry for someone who suffers yet refuses to take the salve that's right there on his bed table -- fuck him, and fuck the movie. This says to me that Pacino's character's problem isn't insomnia-all of us who suffer from insomnia always reach for the pills first and ask questions later. Rather, Pacino's character suffers from the fact that he's a literary device. Literary devices don't reach for the Ambiens, because the pills cancel the device; but any sane human with access does.

SHARE:  Digg  My Web  Facebook  Reddit
Browse author
Email Mark Ames at

Hot Afternoons in Armenia's Frozen Zone :
Celebrity Retards
Celebrity Retards :
White Sikh Bitch
Your Letters :
Snapper Season
eXile Prediction: Snapper Season Coming Early! :


Save The eXile: The War Nerd Calls Mayday
The future of The eXile is in your hands! We're holding a fundraiser to save the paper, and your soul. Tune in to Gary Brecher's urgent request for reinforcements and donate as much as you can. If you don't, we'll be overrun and wiped off the face of the earth, forever.

Scanning Moscow’s Traffic Cops
Automotive Section
We’re happy to introduce a new column in which we publish Moscow’s raw radio communications, courtesy of a Russian amateur radio enthusiast. This issue, eXile readers are given a peek into the secret conversations of Moscow’s traffic police, the notorious "GAIshniki."

Eleven Years of Threats: The eXile's Incredible Journey
Feature Story By The eXile
Good Night, and Bad Luck: In a nation terrorized by its own government, one newspaper dared to fart in its face. Get out your hankies, cuz we’re taking a look back at the impossible crises we overcame.

Your Letters
Russia's freedom-loving free market martyr Mikhail Khodorkovsky answers some of this week's letters, and he's got nothing but praise for President Medvedev.

Clubbing Adventures Through Time
Club Review By Dmitriy Babooshka
eXile club reviewer Babooshka takes a trip through time with the ghost of Moscow clubbing past, present and future, and true to form, gets laid in the process.

The Fortnight Spin
Bardak Calendar By Jared Lindquist
Jared comes out with yet another roundup of upcoming bardak sessions.

Your Letters
Richard Gere tackles this week's letters. Now reformed, he fights for gerbil rights all around the world.

13 Toxic Talents: Hollywood’s Worst Polluters
America By Eileen Jones
Everybody complains about celebrities, but nobody does anything about them. People, it’s time to stop fretting about whether we’re a celebrity-obsessed culture—we are, we have been, we’re going to be—and instead take practical steps to clean up the celebrity-obsessed culture we’ve got...


    MAIN    |    RUSSIA    |    WAR NERD     |    [SIC!]    |    BAR-DAK    |    THE VAULT    |    ABOUT US    |    RSS

© "the eXile". Tel.: +7 (495) 623-3565, fax: +7 (495) 623-5442