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[SIC!] September 19, 2002
 
Your Letters
 
 

Write us: editor@exile.ru )

THE WAR TURD

To Gary Brecher,

Jesus, where the fuck did they find you?

Your rambling article was poorly written and ill-informed. You might want to lose some weight and get laid, that might stop your fixation with the military. Read what you have written, do you still don't think you are retarded?

"You can look through a thousand years of military history and you'll never find a strategic failure as complete as that. But nobody seems upset about it. I started wondering, am I the only American who thinks some overpaid USAF heads should roll for this?"

Jackoff, listen, it was a sneak attack. Overpaid? um, jesus you're fucking retarded.

"I tried talking about it to some people in my office. But they acted like I was a traitor-like it was unpatriotic to mention how badly the USAF fucked up."

No, fat boy, they acted like you were a zero, because your fatty smelly body fills space that could be used by a better looking chick. Same genitalia, but better looking. (Don't feel bad, I'm sure you're stacked better than most of 'em).

Stop writing, you are not good.

Jer

Dear Jer,

You seem to think that because it was a "sneak attack," that therefore, it was perfectly acceptable and even reasonable that the US military was totally unprepared to defend America. As if the hundreds and hundreds of billions we plunk down to arm and defend America are only meant to work in a clearly announced standoff in an open desert? You people -- and by this letter, it sounds to us like you, Jer, are one of the USAF fuckups -- are PAID to be paranoid and impenetrable, so that the rest of us can go on leading totally consequence-free, quip-happy lives as wiggers, alt-rockers, soccer moms and what not. We pay you good coin to keep our totally deluded, fantasy-world lives safe, not to stick your thumbs in your asses when the first Mohammed attacks, crying, "But it wasn't faaaaair. They suuurpriiiised us!" Of course they surprised us! How else are a dozen ragheads going to fuck up America? If this is all you can say in response, then frankly, we should consider dissolving the USAF and hiring out mercenaries.

I AMES TO PLEASE

G'day again Mark (I sent an earlier Email) ... I very much enjoyed your talk with the BBC today ... except I could not understand the name of the bloke who heads the Bolshevik Party there ... could you send me some dope on him?

I'm from Kansas City originally ... many of the family live in New England. I emigrated to Australia in 1965 because I was pissed off at the US involvement in Vietnam ... lived here ever since, carrying the Beat flag in the Antipodes.

After a bit of messing around, I found your pages ... laughed myself silly at your story on McFaul. It was good ... Humour is what kills the bastards, you know.

Let me hear from you when you have a moment. Cheers!

Jack Ames, Sydney

Dear Mr. Ames,

Gosh that feels kinda weird, writing that "Dear Mr. Ames" part. It's like you and Ames are related or something. Maybe you can connect through the wonder of the Internet, have some interesting conversations. Maybe you guys could become great friends, start a company together, raise an orphaned child together, do something good for the world. Then again, maybe Ames, our Ames, will never contact you because you're not offering him anything but compliments. What about money, huh? That's what we want here: money! Don't really give a shit if you buy our book -- our publisher won't pay us another dime of royalty checks. What we want are checks from you, personally. You wanna talk to Ames? Write him a goddamn check, Jack. As it is right now you ain't got nothing but Jack and Shit. And Jack left Kansas City for Sydney.

[sic]BERG

Mark, I know it's vaguely annoying sometimes to be praised but that Spielberg piece was so fuckin satisfying to read, it was like Prozac. I'm all balanced out now, thank you. Felt good. I don't know why you don't have some deal where your columns are reprinted here somewhere, New York Press or somewhere.I wish they'd reprint them at the Observer you know instead of say the dance column.


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