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[SIC!] October 17, 2002
 
Your Letters
 
Page 4 of 5
 
Alec Ochonne

Dear Mr. Ochonne,

Not sure what you're trying to say here, Alec. You praise us, which is a good sign. But you also seem to be a little resentful about Uncle Sam, which shows that you still have some anger in you. Anger isn't good, Alec. Anger is destructive. What you need is to just smile a little more. And if you can, please try to be just a little more American. You're close, you're getting there, but keep trying and pretty soon you'll have us all fooled.

ROOTS-SKIS

Russians are Negroes!

Negroes had slavery until the 1860s, Russians had slavery until the 1860s. Negroes mostly live in dilapidated highrises, Russians do too.

Negroes don't like to work, demanding payouts from the government, Russians don't like to work, missing the days when they could get payouts from the government.

Negroes like to riot, so do Russians.

Most Negro adult males have been to prison at least once, most Russian adult males have been to prison too.

Negroes like to wear leather jackets and huge golden chains, Russians do too.

When a Negro gets some money, he buys the biggest ugliest SUV he can find, so does a Russian.

The most popular Negro style of music is gangsta rap, "tough" criminals singing about their crimes and women, the most popular Russian style of music is blatnoy shanson, "tough" criminals singing about their crimes and women.

The biggest chance for a Negro to get rich is to get athletic success in the NBA or the NFL, the biggest chance for a Russian to get rich is athletic success in the NHL or tennis.

The most important Russian cultural icon, Pushkin, was an octonegro.

Negroes like watermelons, Russians have Azerbaijanis selling watermelons on every corner in every city in the summer.

Negroes like chicken, Russia is the biggest importer of American chicken, chicken imports is an issue that US and Russian presidents discuss often.

Negroes like grits and other rough cereals, Russians like Hercules, buckwheat and other rough cereals.

Negroes have bad hygiene, Russians have bad hygiene.

I don't understand how this important and revelatory subject has escaped your attention before.

Thank you
Afanasiy Fet

Dear Mr. Fet,

You want a job at our newspaper?

WAR GROUPIE

To the War Nerd,

i just wanted you to know that i think you're a wonderful writer. generally seem to be go-roke.

keep up work! party like eddie murphy!

diet crystal pepsi,
hunter

Dear Mr. Hunter,

You've just made Gary's Fresno life a little more bearable. Now, if you just had a woman's name, and were willing to sleep with him without demanding that he take a shower, you'd REALLY make his day!

ELEMENTARY FARTICLES

Dear Mark,

For a long time, I have been a devoted admirer of your wit and wisdom. Recently I came across a book of prose by a Belgian called Michel Houellebeqce and concluded that he was a useless little turd making money out of advertisers (Novotel gave him money to be extensively discussed in his latest "novel", called "Platform"), and out of a (French) public nauseated by the trendy-lefty politically correct '68-generation that is now the "Establishment" in France. That is this Belgian fellow now resident in Ireland to avoid paying taxes, writes "concept" novels in order to make bucks (or Euros (did you know a Euro is a little Aussie kangaroo?)). Which leads me to my unvarnished worship of your own works. Why not Mark sit down and write a "concept" novel a la Houellebeqc in order to make money? Aim it at the American market, identify the cretinism that is at the heart of Establishment discourse, and "outrage" everyone. Perhaps a life-enhancing post-modern discourse on why sex with pubescent Jewish girls is better than swindling investors on the NASDAQ. Hmmm ... I see my imagination deserts me. Sorry. But seriously, Mark you are miles ahead in all respects of this seedy Belgian poseur, so why not write a nice novel to keep your fans (among whom I number myself), happy with the thought that there is justice and light still shining in the world as we know it.


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FROM THE VAULT

The OSCE Shuffle :

Kino Kulture :

Scared Skins : If AntiFA punks and skinheads are brave enough to want to take the fight against Russia’s 50,000 skinheads to the street, why won’t they talk to the eXile?
Metro Stray Dog
Field Guide To Moscow: Mangius Heroicus :
 

 
 
 
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