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[SIC!] November 13, 2002

Respected Readers!

In the past, the [sic] page has been marked by outrageous and mean-spirited responses to your earnest letters. This issue of [sic], we are happy to report that this obscene practice has come to an end. New managers have taken over [sic], managers whose main concern is professionalism, respect and building community with our readership. We apologize for the previous [sic] management's shameful and childish behavior.


Congratulations on excellent piece about hatred-spewing schmuck Vladimir Socor. It's actually even funnier. For several years before 9/11 one of his favorite tree to bark up was Russian sinister designs to undermine the good government of Taliban and reestablish its domination of Afghanistan and the rest of the Central Asia. Here are some hilarious droppings from his columns in WSJ Europe and some sheet of toilet paper he edits called "Fortnight in Review" (thanks Google for making exposing morons so easy it is truly fun):

"The charge that Afghanistan under Taliban is an exporter of Islamic extremism is another canard". "But where is the evidence of Taliban religious-missionary expansion into Central Asia or other neighboring countries?". "They [Central Asian countries]. seem prepared to accept the fact of Taliban domination of Afghanistan in return for guarantees of responsible behavior, which the Taliban authorities seem prepared to both offer and observe. What these countries do fear is precisely what the US-Russian sanctions seem structured to promote: unlimited and unmatched Russian arms supplies to the Afghan opposition that will produce interminable war and Russian demands to use Central Asia as staging areas for intervention in Afghanistan."

Oops. Then came 9/11 and the Party line got changed. Here is what he wrote in one of his December 2001 columns: "Ivanov. has credited Russia for being responsible for Northern Alliance military advances, while minimizing the decisive role of US air operation, intelligence gathering and special operations on the ground. Meanwhile Russia is. threatening to use its veto power on the UN Security Council to give it disproportional role in decisions on peacekeeping operations in Afghanistan and the country's political future."

Get it? A few months before September 11 - evil Russia was arming Northern Alliance while slandering and plotting against nice peaceful Talibs. After 9/11 - evil Russia has the temerity to claim it had a role in helping Northern Alliance to route evil terrorist thugs of Taliban!

The hacks like Socor are simply obsessed with hatred to ever notice this and infinite number of their other bloopers.

Many of you probably know an old Russian joke about a happily humming mosquito who, asked why he feels so good, proudly replies: "Yesterday they were beating up the elephant near the river, and I also managed to kick him twice". If this is not pathetic enough, imagine these Socors and other mosquitoes DENIED such opportunity to kick the lying elephant again and again, every second of their miserable life? To see that this elephant (or bear, or whatever) is down but still alive, not totally ground into dust? That Carthage is not yet plowed and salted?

Imagine him in such a rage, humming so furiously that he actually can be heard almost two meters away? Now imagine such a mosquito having at his disposal the loudspeaker of venom-spitting Wall Street Journal to broadcast his petty grievances far further than a couple of meters of space he rightfully deserves?

Kirill Pankratov,
Acton, MA, USA

Dear Mr. Pankratov,

Congratulations, you've just written the best damn letter we've received in a long time. Anyone who helps the eXile's mission to Out The Scum is a hero in our eyes. Unfortunately neither your letter nor the original press review about Socor will make it onto the screens of America's official Russia Watching Bureaucracy on David Johnson's Russia List since we've been officially censored. However, thanks for your letter. Whenever we get our goddamn [sic] T-shirts made, you're in for one. Postage and handling on us!

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Save The eXile: The War Nerd Calls Mayday
The future of The eXile is in your hands! We're holding a fundraiser to save the paper, and your soul. Tune in to Gary Brecher's urgent request for reinforcements and donate as much as you can. If you don't, we'll be overrun and wiped off the face of the earth, forever.

Scanning Moscow’s Traffic Cops
Automotive Section
We’re happy to introduce a new column in which we publish Moscow’s raw radio communications, courtesy of a Russian amateur radio enthusiast. This issue, eXile readers are given a peek into the secret conversations of Moscow’s traffic police, the notorious "GAIshniki."

Eleven Years of Threats: The eXile's Incredible Journey
Feature Story By The eXile
Good Night, and Bad Luck: In a nation terrorized by its own government, one newspaper dared to fart in its face. Get out your hankies, cuz we’re taking a look back at the impossible crises we overcame.

Your Letters
Russia's freedom-loving free market martyr Mikhail Khodorkovsky answers some of this week's letters, and he's got nothing but praise for President Medvedev.

Clubbing Adventures Through Time
Club Review By Dmitriy Babooshka
eXile club reviewer Babooshka takes a trip through time with the ghost of Moscow clubbing past, present and future, and true to form, gets laid in the process.

The Fortnight Spin
Bardak Calendar By Jared Lindquist
Jared comes out with yet another roundup of upcoming bardak sessions.

Your Letters
Richard Gere tackles this week's letters. Now reformed, he fights for gerbil rights all around the world.

13 Toxic Talents: Hollywood’s Worst Polluters
America By Eileen Jones
Everybody complains about celebrities, but nobody does anything about them. People, it’s time to stop fretting about whether we’re a celebrity-obsessed culture—we are, we have been, we’re going to be—and instead take practical steps to clean up the celebrity-obsessed culture we’ve got...


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