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Vlad's Daily Gloat - The eXile Blog

The Fall of The eXile For all those wondering what the "Save The eXile Fundrasier" banner is all about, here it is as simply as it can be phrased: The eXile is shutting down.
June 11, 2008 in eXile Blog

War Nerd: War of the Babies in Taki's Magazine The War Nerd talks about babies, the greatest weapon of the 20th century.
May 28, 2008 in eXile Blog

Kids, Meet Your President A website for Russian kids to learn all about President Medvedev's passion for school, sports and family.
May 22, 2008 in eXile Blog

Cellphone Democracy Cam If this girl was exposed to Jeffersonian democracy...
May 20, 2008 in Face Control

More Classy B&W Dyev Photos Yet another hot Russian babe imitating the Catpower look...
May 20, 2008 in Face Control

Proof That Genetic Memory Is Real! Sure, the Ottomans shut down the Istanbul Slavic slave markets centuries ago...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

Russia's Orthodox Church Youth Outreach Program The priest is going, "Father Sansei is very impressed with grasshopper Sasha’s...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

More Classy B&W Club Photos w/Russian Dyevs We took the Pepsi Challenge here...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

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Feature Story August 24, 2003
Jesus Ate Their Brains!
By John Dolan Browse author Email

One Day in the Life of Alexander Ronaldovich Vershbow

Sasha Ronaldovich, Rosinka-7 Inmate #221B, woke at dawn. Instantly the cold assailed his unprotected hands and face. "I told the damn housekeeper to turn the air conditioner down," he muttered. His stark, monastic 15-room ambassadorial townhouse offered no reply. Sighing, Sasha Ronaldovich heaved himself out of his King-Deluxe Sealy Posturepedic. "God, my back...that can't be the Xtra-Firm mattress I ordered," he sighed. "It's maybe medium-firm, not X-tra...." Sitting for a moment on the grim eiderdown duvet, he stared out at the high barbed-wire fences which encircled the compound. Rosinka-7: his home. His prison. Rosinka-7 was notorious in the Foreign-Service Archipelago as the "escape-proof" gated community. Sasha's cold grey eyes took in row after row of grim luxury brick townhouses, standing to attention under the gaze of vigilant videocams. Every ninety seconds, the dreaded Rosinka Okhrana swept by in their fearsome Ford Taurus, brandishing their dreaded baseball caps and coffee mugs. The working day would be a long one. There were low-price compact disc merchants to drive out of business, Halliburton emissaries to help with sweetheart petro-deals...and then Sasha Ronaldovich remembered with horror that today he would face the most dreaded task of the entire Foreign-Service Archipelago: giving a toast to a crowd of tipsy Moscow middlemen. For a moment, Sasha Ronaldovich's strong, simple face sagged as if he had aged a decade. Then he stood, groaning, massaging the small of his back, and went forth to meet another day "inside the wire" at Rosinka-7.

The Master and Mavrodi

The Master and Mavrodi By Mikhail Bulgakov

"The Master and Mavrodi" by Mikhail Bulgakov

Suppressed in the Yeltsin years, this banned novel is a magical realist satire in which Satan comes to Moscow to wreak havoc, but winds up getting fleeced by Westernized oligarchs and English-speaking Young Reformers, and eventually gets thrown out of Moscow because he doesn't have a propusk.

Not You

By Evgeny Zamyatin

"Not You" by Evgeny Zamyatin

A dystopian novel about an elite nightclub that slowly and deceptively begins allowing second-tier people past face control, and how the club's decline destroyed the weekend of Ksenia Sobchak. This novel is said to have influenced Orwell.

The Sushi Ward

By Alexander Solzhenitsyn

"The Sushi Ward" by Alexander Solzhenitsyn

A harrowing, fearless novel that takes the reader into a Putin-era private clinic for those who eat bad sushi, featuring unsentimental tales of a patient who ate a bad hamachi roll, and another who suffers from eating sub-standard unagi. An allegorical masterpiece that not only teaches us compassion for those who eat bad sushi, but also teaches us that being rich and eating well has its dangers in the New Russia.

It's Me, Gorky

By Maxim Gorky

"It’s Me, Gorky" by Maxim Gorky

Maxim Gorky's explicitly asexual autobiographical novel about a 60-year-old emigre's celebrated return to the Soviet Union, and his shockingly unerotic attempts to form the Union of Soviet Writers.


By Vladimir Nabokov

"Lolitas" by Vladimir Nabokov

Nabokov's shocking novel features over 28,000 middle-aged expatriate protagonists and their torrid, doomed affairs with over 119,000 12-year-old Russian girls.

And Corpse-Filled Flows The Don

By Mikhail Sholokhov

"And Corpse-Filled Flows The Don" by Mikhail Sholokhov

Epic novel of the life of a Soviet Cossack hero named Anatoly Chikatilo, divided into four parts: "Impotence"; "Rape"; "Delicious"; "Let's Roll".

Twelve Plastic Lawn Chairs

By Ilf and Petrov

"Twelve Plastic Lawn Chairs" by Ilf and Petrov

Classic satire about a pair of Caucasian swindlers who run a cheap shawarma stand on a busy, polluted Moscow street and manage to fool elitny Muscovites into believing that their kiosk is a Parisian-style summer cafe after they place plastic tables and lawn chairs out in front of their kiosk.

Doctor Zhidvago

By Alexandr Prokhanov

"Doctor Zhidvago" by Alexandr Prokhanov

Sweeping, epic love story about a Jew who comes to Mother Russia posing as a pediatrician in order to drink the blood of Christian babies during Passover. Set in the background of turbulent times as Zionists conspire to bring Russia to her knees. Based on a true story.

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The Fortnight Spin :

Russian Protests: The Deleted Scenes :

Incorruptible: A Russian Fairy Tale : The Exile imagines a Russia without corruption!


Save The eXile: The War Nerd Calls Mayday
The future of The eXile is in your hands! We're holding a fundraiser to save the paper, and your soul. Tune in to Gary Brecher's urgent request for reinforcements and donate as much as you can. If you don't, we'll be overrun and wiped off the face of the earth, forever.

Scanning Moscow’s Traffic Cops
Automotive Section
We’re happy to introduce a new column in which we publish Moscow’s raw radio communications, courtesy of a Russian amateur radio enthusiast. This issue, eXile readers are given a peek into the secret conversations of Moscow’s traffic police, the notorious "GAIshniki."

Eleven Years of Threats: The eXile's Incredible Journey
Feature Story By The eXile
Good Night, and Bad Luck: In a nation terrorized by its own government, one newspaper dared to fart in its face. Get out your hankies, cuz we’re taking a look back at the impossible crises we overcame.

Your Letters
Russia's freedom-loving free market martyr Mikhail Khodorkovsky answers some of this week's letters, and he's got nothing but praise for President Medvedev.

Clubbing Adventures Through Time
Club Review By Dmitriy Babooshka
eXile club reviewer Babooshka takes a trip through time with the ghost of Moscow clubbing past, present and future, and true to form, gets laid in the process.

The Fortnight Spin
Bardak Calendar By Jared Lindquist
Jared comes out with yet another roundup of upcoming bardak sessions.

Your Letters
Richard Gere tackles this week's letters. Now reformed, he fights for gerbil rights all around the world.

13 Toxic Talents: Hollywood’s Worst Polluters
America By Eileen Jones
Everybody complains about celebrities, but nobody does anything about them. People, it’s time to stop fretting about whether we’re a celebrity-obsessed culture—we are, we have been, we’re going to be—and instead take practical steps to clean up the celebrity-obsessed culture we’ve got...


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