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Unfiled September 4, 2003
Your Election Is Coming, Criminals,Congratulations!
By Edward Limonov Browse author

They were looking terribly stupid, those aged men, crowded on the stage at Manezh. One, named Schmidt Dzoblaev, was even wearing Caucuses shapka on his head. Russian bureaucrats have special talent to look stupid. That was on the first day of Exhibition of Parties' Achievements. Veshnya-kov -- a head of Central Electoral Commission -- was standing at the head of that aged crowd, happy face of maniac shining as Jack Nicholson's face at famous movie thriller "Shining"... That was such degree of vulgarity at Manezh that day that simple action of vomiting will not be enough.

At the last day of Exhibition two National-Bolsheviks, comrades Nikolai Madvedev, 19, and Sergei Manjos, 25, couldn't stand it. One of them, Nikolai, squeezed a bag of mayonnaise and a jet of white liquid heated Veshnyakov's jacket. Maniac didn't finished a phrase about "honest elections" in Russia, so he was stuck with an open mouth. Behind him Communist Party leader Zyuganov, Agrarian Party leader Lapshin, Liberal-Democrat Zhirinovsky and few others were waiting as children of a school for retarded kids.

Comrade Manjos or somebody else throwed leaflets at the crowd of spectators. "Veshnya-kov," said leaflet, "stop to play a comedy! What do you say about honest elections, what fucking honest elections you talking? Ministry of Justice is not registering parties, Central Electoral Commission performs by demand of government all dirty tricks with signatures of voters and with bulletins. Those your activities are honest elections?"

In meantime Minister Veshnyakov's guardians were savagely beating Nikolai Medvedev. Spectators were reading leaflets and expressed their solidarity with National-Bolsheviks. "Why they beat a boy, as if he had a bomb throwed?" said some of spectators.

The very next day Party headquarters have received a phone call from Ministry of Justice. They said to us that our application for a registration as an all-Russian political party is not satisfactory. They say that their "No" has nothing to do with an incident at Manezh. Nothing at all. That Ministry of Justice have decided our destiny on August 18. Of course they lie. Because we submitted our application and few kilograms of documentation just on August 7. Normally they need a month to check them out, those documents. Government just got so angry at our mayonnaise assassination of high state official that they acted in a rash of revenge, those Russian state "dyadkas," those rednecks. That happened on 28th of August.

The day after, Mister Melnikov, a head of electoral staff of Communist Party of Russian Federation (KPRF), have called me at very evening.

"Edward Veniaminovich, I want to be honest with you," said Melnikov. "We cannot include you and your people in our electoral list."

"Yes," I said, "yes, Ivan Ivanovich. I understand your decision."

And I understand. Because I saw Zyuganov's face when he was standing behind mayonnaised Veshnyakov.

Also I saw Zhirinovsky's face. And I heard what he, Zhirinovsky, have said. He demanded to punish severely those terrible perpetrators, those two, but also to punish organizers. Zhirinovsky said that political parties should unite their forces against that terrible menace of mayonnaise and leaflet assaults.

Zyuganov, it is widely known, is selling places on his party list for 2 millions US dollars. Zhirinovsky selling his places for 3 millions. Of course they need to defend themselves and their belongings from such perpetrators as National-Bolsheviks. Honest and naive idealists always a menace to dirty and corrupted. No, Zyuganov is not placing those millions in his own pocket, but in the pocket of Communist Party. Zhirinovsky probably taking biggest part of 3 millions to himself. Veshnyakov is placed by Putin's government as a chief supervisor of all Electoral System. Everything was functioning perfectly well before, if not those boys, Nikolai, blond, 19, from Chelyabinsk, and Sergei, from miner's town of Schakhti.

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