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A whore who doesn't like whore-r movies! I popped in a Russian dub of Top Secret. I didn't think it would translate well, but she chuckled once in a while and seemed to enjoy it as I nodded off. "Klassno," she said. I had to be the easiest john she'd ever scored. Next, I put in The Animal with Rob Schneider. She liked it even more than Top Secret. "Tozhe klass." At last I took her into my bedroom and had her undress. I remember being stunned by her body. Tight, taut, fresh. She had only lost her virginity a few months earlier. This was one of those times when I thanked the shareholders of the eXile for helping to underwrite the research for this vital story. I won't letcha down, fellas! Alla lay still, staring up at my ceiling with a half-blank, half- "Find a happy place! Find a happy place!" expression. Now you might think that I abused the poor girl here, but quite the contrary, I think I disappointed her intensely. See, I was so high that all I wanted to do was spoon. That's not what a whore wants: She'd rather have a horny spider monkey attack her with his cock in hand, cum and throw her out. I wouldn't have nunovit. I caressed and caressed those breasts that stood so firm, rising from high on the collar bone down to the rib, the narrow waist with pelvic bone poking out, and tiny, shaped thighs, the hard ass that fit in my hand and the striped snapper which managed to respond to my fingers when I started to rub her down there, using techniques borrowed from a masturbation-addicted ex-girlfriend of mine. She responded with twitches, but otherwise lay still, waiting for me to get it over with, while I tried spooning and hugging. I could tell that she was trying to decide what was worse -- a rough, horny john who fucks you straight away, hard and mean, but gets it over with; or a mushy, groggy, lovey-dubby junkie trying to connect and taking hours to do so. At some point I'd popped first a third, then two-thirds of a Viagra 100mg mortar shell in order to bust through the impotence-inducing opiates. It worked, sort of -- I remember getting wood just long enough to roll a condom on, enter her, pump a few times amazed at such freshness in a tochka whore... It didn't last. Within minutes I lost my erection. I started nodding off right on top of her.
I thought I had to do something to end the sex without raising any eyebrows. So, amazingly enough, I faked as if I'd cum. It doesn't make any sense now that I think about it, me faking a male orgasm for a whore, but at the time it seemed important and humane. I was worried about Alla's self-esteem. The endorphin flood told me that we were connecting, and that if she though I lost my hard-on, that connection would fail. We watched a little more TV; I don't remember what because I passed out. I think it was the excellent 28 Days Later, a film which, the first time I watched it a few months ago during a rude Percodan binge, actually scared the hell out of me. I have a weakness for zombie movies...has to do with being dragged into the X-rated version of Dawn of the Dead by my aunt when I was only eleven years old, and stumbling out a terrified, cracked, morbid pre-pubescent. I learned almost nothing about Alla. Except for her phone number, which she left with a note that said, "Ne zabyvai!" Freddy vs. Jason  I didn't forget her. Two weeks later, just in time for this issue, I invited her to come over my apartment. The idea was to have her critique the latest Hollywood horror hit, Freddy vs. Jason , which has already appeared in pirate form, an "ekranka" version filmed inside a theater, although it hasn't hit Moscow's theaters yet. It was Friday night. I gulped down the last of my codeine time-release pills, showered and shaved and called Alla. She told me she could come soon.
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