Mankind's only alternative 7   FEB.   23  
Mankind's only alternative
War Nerd RSS

The Fall of The eXile For all those wondering what the "Save The eXile Fundrasier" banner is all about, here it is as simply as it can be phrased: The eXile is shutting down.
June 11, 2008 in eXile Blog

War Nerd: War of the Babies in Taki's Magazine The War Nerd talks about babies, the greatest weapon of the 20th century.
May 28, 2008 in eXile Blog

Kids, Meet Your President A website for Russian kids to learn all about President Medvedev's passion for school, sports and family.
May 22, 2008 in eXile Blog

Cellphone Democracy Cam If this girl was exposed to Jeffersonian democracy...
May 20, 2008 in Face Control

More Classy B&W Dyev Photos Yet another hot Russian babe imitating the Catpower look...
May 20, 2008 in Face Control

Proof That Genetic Memory Is Real! Sure, the Ottomans shut down the Istanbul Slavic slave markets centuries ago...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

Russia's Orthodox Church Youth Outreach Program The priest is going, "Father Sansei is very impressed with grasshopper Sasha’s...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

More Classy B&W Club Photos w/Russian Dyevs We took the Pepsi Challenge here...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

Blogs RSS feed

Kino Korner October 2, 2003
Pirates Not Dead
By Mark Ames Browse author Email

It's been a scary month for Moscow cinephiles. Many of you may have noticed that all the downtown kiosks which used to sell pirate videos and DVDs have suddenly gone out of business. Some sort of evil crackdown on pirates, which our Bearded Russian Conspiracy Theorist has tied to the crackdown on YUKOS and the recent opening of the Hard Rock Cafe... while others blame it all on the Elders of Zion.

Last week, I went into one kiosk next to the Tchaikovskii Music Hall at Mayakovskaya to ask what happened. It was one of the few that hadn't been completely shut down and boarded up. The kiosk's DVDs were almost all sold out, excepting the really shitty ones, leaving bare space on the walls.

"Luzhkov's decision," the mid-30's-ish dyed blond woman answered me, shrugging.

"You mean Luzhkov just woke up one day and decided he didn't want any pirate movie kiosks in Moscow?"

She laughed. "That's pretty much it."

"Let's hope he has another bad morning and changes his mind," I suggested.

She shrugged. I bought a VHS tape version of Carlito's Way for 200 rubles and wished the saleswoman luck.

Home Pirate
Movie Of The Week


God I love the Japanese. Only they could put together a movie as sick and direct as this Battle Royale. The idea is brilliant: bratty teenagers from a high school transported to a deserted island, given weapons, and told to kill each other because Japanese youth have become too decadent and need to be punished. And the evil teacher means "kill." To prove he means it, he wastes two students in class who whine too much as he explains the rules.

The rules? Every student is given a different weapon and provisions, some weapons (machine gun) better than others (a garbage can lid). Ain't that a metaphor for life, folks? Only one student can survive the game. If there's more than one schoolkid left alive after three days, then all will die thanks to explosive necklaces soldered onto their necks.

There are no punches pulled here, no Christian epiphanies like you might have in a Hollywood version: it's Lord of the Flies meets Doom for sheer goriness. It would certainly take the wind out of the whole Columbine school shooting fad. There's something deeply satisfying and sexy watching 14-year-old Japanese kids goring each other -- such as the scene of the cute girl whose necklace is detonated by the teacher, nearly severing her head at the neck, sending blood spraying on the classroom floor. Call me krazy, but that made me Me So Hoe-nee.

Available in pirate with English subtitles. Kudos to Flounder for discovering it.


Stars & Stripes Stars & Stripes Stars & Stripes

Three Stars 'N Stripes way up. The premise of this movie is that Japanese society is decadent. The decadence is due to America's victory in WWII. Therefore, every Jap kid who offs another Jap kid in Battle Royale does so because the USAF kicked Japan's ass. That makes me proud, and frankly, it gives me full wood.

The really horrible thing about the sudden disappearance of convenient pirate movie kiosks isn't just that we can no longer get cheap Hollywood flicks the week they hit the screens in the Motherland, or that our money goes now to corrupt American CEOs rather than Russian gangsters. No, the really horrible thing about it is that, without a glut of pirate flicks to watch at home, I may have to start going out again at night. To meet people. You know, those two-legged things with all the paint on their faces?

SHARE:  Digg  My Web  Facebook  Reddit
Browse author
Email Mark Ames at
Price of Oil is Up!
Rise, Oil, Rise! :
Facial Expressions
Russian Facial Expressions :
Reklama Review
Russian House Parties Are Cool Again : Is clubbing as dead as disco?
Moron 5 - Adam Levine
Letter from Moron 5's Lawyer :


Save The eXile: The War Nerd Calls Mayday
The future of The eXile is in your hands! We're holding a fundraiser to save the paper, and your soul. Tune in to Gary Brecher's urgent request for reinforcements and donate as much as you can. If you don't, we'll be overrun and wiped off the face of the earth, forever.

Scanning Moscow’s Traffic Cops
Automotive Section
We’re happy to introduce a new column in which we publish Moscow’s raw radio communications, courtesy of a Russian amateur radio enthusiast. This issue, eXile readers are given a peek into the secret conversations of Moscow’s traffic police, the notorious "GAIshniki."

Eleven Years of Threats: The eXile's Incredible Journey
Feature Story By The eXile
Good Night, and Bad Luck: In a nation terrorized by its own government, one newspaper dared to fart in its face. Get out your hankies, cuz we’re taking a look back at the impossible crises we overcame.

Your Letters
Russia's freedom-loving free market martyr Mikhail Khodorkovsky answers some of this week's letters, and he's got nothing but praise for President Medvedev.

Clubbing Adventures Through Time
Club Review By Dmitriy Babooshka
eXile club reviewer Babooshka takes a trip through time with the ghost of Moscow clubbing past, present and future, and true to form, gets laid in the process.

The Fortnight Spin
Bardak Calendar By Jared Lindquist
Jared comes out with yet another roundup of upcoming bardak sessions.

Your Letters
Richard Gere tackles this week's letters. Now reformed, he fights for gerbil rights all around the world.

13 Toxic Talents: Hollywood’s Worst Polluters
America By Eileen Jones
Everybody complains about celebrities, but nobody does anything about them. People, it’s time to stop fretting about whether we’re a celebrity-obsessed culture—we are, we have been, we’re going to be—and instead take practical steps to clean up the celebrity-obsessed culture we’ve got...


    MAIN    |    RUSSIA    |    WAR NERD     |    [SIC!]    |    BAR-DAK    |    THE VAULT    |    ABOUT US    |    RSS

© "the eXile". Tel.: +7 (495) 623-3565, fax: +7 (495) 623-5442