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[SIC!] October 16, 2003
Your Letters
By Mark Ames Browse author Email


dear editors,

you are repulsive pigs! i can't believe what i am reading in your paper. you would never get away with this in america!

sue cummings

Dear Ms. cummings,

She said "cum." Uh-huh-huh. Uh-huh-huh.


Hi Mark,

Just a note to say what a great story in this issue [Whore-R Stories, issue 176]!! I count the days until your next work! Fucking excellent mate!

Mike, Brisbane Australia

Dear Mr. Australia,

Bad news. Ames' unit just went into lockdown. No more Whore-R stories until he gets a pump installed.


War Nerd,

You put "The fact is, even the Brits behaved like cowards in the face of the Wermacht, abandoning the French. It's that simple."

No, it is not that simple. If you check the records, you will see that Dunkirk was being handled like the evacuation of Corunna, with the intention of reinserting the British troops elsewhere. Some actually were reinserted through Bordeaux before the French capitulation; some troops ended up as POWs captured in France after being evacuated at Dunkirk. The reason most weren't was that there weren't the time and resources to get all the troops back in line again. PML.

Peter Lawrence

Dear Mr. Lawrence,

Actually, the reason why the Brits were able to evacuate is because the Royal Navy shipped millions of English woman across the channel just as the Wermacht was pushing the British Army into the sea. The English women were unloaded on coastal France and marched inland until they formed a long line, with their faces towards the Germans, between the Wermacht and the retreating British Army. The Germans were so horrified by the sight of so many English women's faces they panicked and abandoned their lines. This gave the Brit Army enough time to evacuate at Dunkirk. It's also why, after the English women were repatriated, the British Army turned right around and fled for Africa to "fight" the Germans again.


Hi I read your comments about the French Military and I'd like to ask you what do you think about the French Foreign Legion.I know a little about the subject and war in General

I read Sun Tzu the Art of War and I'm pretty sure so did Napoleon.

I assume you have read it and if you haven't you should

I hope you are not one of these war nerds who know everything about war except that in every war ever fought the Civilians lost.

Alan Donnely

Dear Mr. Donnely,

Your last point gave us pause for thought. Specifically, we thought, "Alan Donnely is an imbecile." Civilians haven't lost a single war yet. That's because they've never bothered fighting. They just get bombed or massacred. You can't have a win or a loss if you don't participate in the sport. Those are the rules. Until civilians figure that out, frankly, they deserve everything they get.


Hey Gary,

I liked your piece on the French. It evoked images of Beirut, 1982?? Fresh-faced Marines land, only to get blown up. Legionnaires land, looking like the war-hardened pros they are. Don't get blown up.

I covered two wars in Africa, and Bacon knows of what he speaks, so I thought you might appreciate this:

By Kenneth H. Bacon It's time to praise France.In the last year, French troops have brought peace to conflicts in two areas of Africa, the Ivory Coast and part of the Democratic Republic of the Congo. French forces operated with skill, courage and speed to stop civil wars that together killed thousands of people and drove hundreds of thousands from their homes. [...] Could French peacekeepers help the U.S. stabilize Iraq? Yes. French forces are well trained, experienced and used to operating around the world. [...and on and on... - Ed.]

A guy

Dear Mr. guy,

Actually, it's true, the French really could bring peace to Iraq. Just tell Chirac that Iraq is a quiet, peaceful South Pacific atoll with a few Greenpeace dinghies putting around it, and you can bet your bottom glowing dinar we'll never hear a peep out of the Iraqis again.

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Save The eXile: The War Nerd Calls Mayday
The future of The eXile is in your hands! We're holding a fundraiser to save the paper, and your soul. Tune in to Gary Brecher's urgent request for reinforcements and donate as much as you can. If you don't, we'll be overrun and wiped off the face of the earth, forever.

Scanning Moscow’s Traffic Cops
Automotive Section
We’re happy to introduce a new column in which we publish Moscow’s raw radio communications, courtesy of a Russian amateur radio enthusiast. This issue, eXile readers are given a peek into the secret conversations of Moscow’s traffic police, the notorious "GAIshniki."

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Your Letters
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13 Toxic Talents: Hollywood’s Worst Polluters
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Everybody complains about celebrities, but nobody does anything about them. People, it’s time to stop fretting about whether we’re a celebrity-obsessed culture—we are, we have been, we’re going to be—and instead take practical steps to clean up the celebrity-obsessed culture we’ve got...


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