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 For all those wondering what the "Save The eXile Fundrasier" banner is all about, here it is as simply as it can be phrased: The eXile is shutting down.
June 11, 2008 in eXile Blog
 The War Nerd talks about babies, the greatest weapon of the 20th century.
May 28, 2008 in eXile Blog
 A website for Russian kids to learn all about President Medvedev's passion for school, sports and family.
May 22, 2008 in eXile Blog
 If this girl was exposed to Jeffersonian democracy...
May 20, 2008 in Face Control
 Yet another hot Russian babe imitating the Catpower look...
May 20, 2008 in Face Control
 Sure, the Ottomans shut down the Istanbul Slavic slave markets centuries ago...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control
 The priest is going, "Father Sansei is very impressed with grasshopper Sasha’s...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control
 We took the Pepsi Challenge here...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control
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| Feature Story |
December 25, 2003 |
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What a Laugh!
The eXile Looks Back on 2003, The Funniest Year Yet!
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The Joke: Homeland Security dork Tom Ridge, running around scaring America about the Al Qaeda threat, is a brilliant slapstick cross between Don Knotts in The Ghost and Mr. Chicken and Tweety Bird: "I t'ought I saw a fweedom-hating waghead...I DID! I DID saw a fweedom-hating waghead!" In September, Tweety Ridge "tightened" up the color coding for imminent terror threats. And just as quickly issued a fresh X-Mas threat to scare the shit out of everyone. But like Mr. Chicken, will anyone listen to him anymore? Hold onto your sides, folks, cuz we'll soon find out! Sad Clown factor: The events of 9/11 just weren't funny at all. Side-Split Score:  4. Zhirinovski's "brawl" The Joke: In a televised debate between Zhirinovsky's LDPR and Rodina, Vladimir Volfovich stomped over to his opponent and threatened him. To Zhirik's surprise, the weedy, bespectacled Rodina candidate squared off in classic boxing stance circa 1890. That was funny; but Zhirik topped that gag by walking rapidly away, while motioning two LDPR henchmen to take his place. Sad Clown factor: Igor Shandybin, the bald KPRF stooge who leapt to Zhirinovsky's defense, lost his seat in the recent elections. It's too bad. We'll never again see him kicked around by deputies half his size in those Duma-floor drunken brawls. Side-Split Score: 5. Miami Police Riot
The Joke: Dade County police, dipping into anti-terrorist Patriot Act funds in order to beef up their anti-protest arsenal, invited law enforcement officials from around the United States to watch them deal with the anti-globalization hippie menace. On November 20th, about 10,000 protestors marching against the FTAA free trade agreement came up against 2,500 police in full black body armor and gas masks, banging batons against their shields, backed by spankin' new armored personal carriers and helicopters. Amnesty International reported indiscriminate firing into crowds of peaceful protestors, excessive use of rubber bullets, stun guns, stun grenades, bean bag guns, pepper spray, tear gas and other chemical weapons. Knee-slapping moments include protestors shot in the back trying to flee, police targeting of legal observers and street doctors, hundreds jailed and wounded, dozens of beatings and rapes in Dade County jail, and one guy, holding his fingers in a peace sign in front of the cops, getting shot multiple times with skin-piercing rubber bullets, including once in the stomach at point blank range. Ho-ho-ho! Nationwide law enforcement officials now refer positively to November 20th as "The Miami Model." We just call it "Police Academy 6." Sad Clown factor: Large papier-mache puppets of George Bush and Richard Cheney somehow failed to bring about a People's Victory. Side-Split Score: 6. Congo Discount
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| FROM THE VAULT |
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Save The eXile: The War Nerd Calls Mayday
Editorial
The future of The eXile is in your hands! We're holding a fundraiser to save the paper, and your soul. Tune in to Gary Brecher's urgent request for reinforcements and donate as much as you can. If you don't, we'll be overrun and wiped off the face of the earth, forever.
Scanning Moscow’s Traffic Cops
Automotive Section
We’re happy to introduce a new column in which we publish Moscow’s raw radio communications, courtesy of a Russian amateur radio enthusiast. This issue, eXile readers are given a peek into the secret conversations of Moscow’s traffic police, the notorious "GAIshniki."
Eleven Years of Threats: The eXile's Incredible Journey
Feature Story By The eXile
Good Night, and Bad Luck: In a nation terrorized by its own government, one newspaper dared to fart in its face. Get out your hankies, cuz we’re taking a look back at the impossible crises we overcame.
Your Letters
[SIC!]
Russia's freedom-loving free market martyr Mikhail Khodorkovsky answers some of this week's letters, and he's got nothing but praise for President Medvedev.
Clubbing Adventures Through Time
Club Review By Dmitriy Babooshka
eXile club reviewer Babooshka takes a trip through time with the ghost of Moscow clubbing past, present and future, and true to form, gets laid in the process.
The Fortnight Spin
Bardak Calendar By Jared Lindquist
Jared comes out with yet another roundup of upcoming bardak sessions.
Your Letters
[SIC!]
Richard Gere tackles this week's letters. Now reformed, he fights for gerbil rights all around the world.
13 Toxic Talents: Hollywood’s Worst Polluters
America By Eileen Jones
Everybody complains about celebrities, but nobody does anything about them. People, it’s time to stop fretting about whether we’re a celebrity-obsessed culture—we are, we have been, we’re going to be—and instead take practical steps to clean up the celebrity-obsessed culture we’ve got...
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