Mankind's only alternative 3   DEC.   21  
Mankind's only alternative
Vlad's Daily Gloat - The eXile Blog

The Fall of The eXile For all those wondering what the "Save The eXile Fundrasier" banner is all about, here it is as simply as it can be phrased: The eXile is shutting down.
June 11, 2008 in eXile Blog

War Nerd: War of the Babies in Taki's Magazine The War Nerd talks about babies, the greatest weapon of the 20th century.
May 28, 2008 in eXile Blog

Kids, Meet Your President A website for Russian kids to learn all about President Medvedev's passion for school, sports and family.
May 22, 2008 in eXile Blog

Cellphone Democracy Cam If this girl was exposed to Jeffersonian democracy...
May 20, 2008 in Face Control

More Classy B&W Dyev Photos Yet another hot Russian babe imitating the Catpower look...
May 20, 2008 in Face Control

Proof That Genetic Memory Is Real! Sure, the Ottomans shut down the Istanbul Slavic slave markets centuries ago...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

Russia's Orthodox Church Youth Outreach Program The priest is going, "Father Sansei is very impressed with grasshopper Sasha’s...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

More Classy B&W Club Photos w/Russian Dyevs We took the Pepsi Challenge here...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

Blogs RSS feed

The War Nerd April 5, 2004
Qadafi: Buckles, Size XXXL
By Gary Brecher Browse author Email
Page 3 of 4
This had the black Africans laughing so hard they turned blue, because the coast of Libya used to be the world's biggest WalMart in the trade in black Africans. Introduce a Libyan to a black man and instead of shaking hands, he'll pry the guy's mouth open, check out his teeth and say, "75 dinars, not a shekel more!"

The rest of Africa was happy to take the crazy Arab's money, but they didn't really want much to do with him. So Qadafi decided to get his own little imperialist game going. The only African country close enough and weak enough for Libya to mess with was Chad.

I love that name. A country named "Chad." Sounds like somebody who lived next door to the Brady Bunch. But if Chad actually lived next to the Bradys, Greg would be roasting over a slow fire and Marsha would be standing naked on an auction block, because Chad is one of the hungriest, craziest, most desperate places on the planet. Chad has every possible birth defect you could give a country if you wanted to make sure it was going to be screwed up forever. It's in Africa, for starters. It's landlocked. It's mostly desert, with one small fertile zone down in the south to make all the desert nomads jealous. It's got the classic Sahel division between Muslim north and Christian south. It had the French in charge for most of the 20th century (I said the French were good soldiers, I never said they were good colonizers). And maybe worst of all, it was stuck due south of Libya just when Qadafi started turning his greedy little eyes in that direction.

There were so many little wars going on in Chad in the late seventies that Qadafi could pick which ones he wanted to fund. And boy, was he fickle. He started out doing the obvious thing, backing Muslims in the north rebelling against Christians in the south.

You have to feel sorry for the poor black people in southern Chad. For hundreds of years, they were nothing but livestock on the hoof for the Muslim slave-traders who'd raid south and capture whole villages to sell. Then the French come along and show them the benefits of civilization by drafting them into the French army. Next thing you know black guys who'd never been out of the village end up in the trenches at the Marne. Not many of them ever came home from that European vacation.

Then finally, the southern blacks in Chad get the one piece of good luck in history: the French get out, and since the South had the only fertile land and the only real city, they get to be on top for once. No more slave traders carrying off your kids. No more recruiting officers humming the Marseillaise while they help your son trace his name on the enlistment papers. For once, they can look forward to minding their own business, dealing with ordinary misery like drought, locusts, and every kind of tropical disease known to man. Paradise!

Well, it didn't happen, thanks to good old Qadafi. With new money and arms, the Muslim leader, Habre, made his move and captured the capital, a mud-brick hellhole called N'Djamena.

This was strictly by the book according to the rules of African warfare, which state "the worse the hellhole, the harder they fight for it."

The rest of the civil war went by the book too. The black Christian southerners fled the city, headed south to stay with relatives, and started killing any Arabs or Muslims they could find. They found about 10,000, by all accounts, chopped them up and felt better about losing their city gig. Then-and once again, this is strictly old-school, by-the-book stuff -- the winners started eyeing up each other, looking for weakness, and not even bothering to thank the foreigners who'd bankrolled them. Once he'd taken the capital, Habre wouldn't even return Qadafi's calls. In his classic drama-queen style, Qadafi flounced around his tent, sulked, and did what he always does: gave money to his ex-best-friend's worst enemy. Habre's worst enemy happened to be a Southern-Chad Black Christian Colonel named Kaougoue. Qadafi funded him anyway. So much for Islamic unity.

SHARE:  Digg  My Web  Facebook  Reddit
Gary Brecher
Browse author
Email Gary at, but, more importantly, buy his book.
Luke Harding's Facebook Page: No Comment :

Lord of the Swine : Censorship in Russia: Revenge of the Disenfranchised

Al Dilbert :

Your Letters :


Save The eXile: The War Nerd Calls Mayday
The future of The eXile is in your hands! We're holding a fundraiser to save the paper, and your soul. Tune in to Gary Brecher's urgent request for reinforcements and donate as much as you can. If you don't, we'll be overrun and wiped off the face of the earth, forever.

Scanning Moscow’s Traffic Cops
Automotive Section
We’re happy to introduce a new column in which we publish Moscow’s raw radio communications, courtesy of a Russian amateur radio enthusiast. This issue, eXile readers are given a peek into the secret conversations of Moscow’s traffic police, the notorious "GAIshniki."

Eleven Years of Threats: The eXile's Incredible Journey
Feature Story By The eXile
Good Night, and Bad Luck: In a nation terrorized by its own government, one newspaper dared to fart in its face. Get out your hankies, cuz we’re taking a look back at the impossible crises we overcame.

Your Letters
Russia's freedom-loving free market martyr Mikhail Khodorkovsky answers some of this week's letters, and he's got nothing but praise for President Medvedev.

Clubbing Adventures Through Time
Club Review By Dmitriy Babooshka
eXile club reviewer Babooshka takes a trip through time with the ghost of Moscow clubbing past, present and future, and true to form, gets laid in the process.

The Fortnight Spin
Bardak Calendar By Jared Lindquist
Jared comes out with yet another roundup of upcoming bardak sessions.

Your Letters
Richard Gere tackles this week's letters. Now reformed, he fights for gerbil rights all around the world.

13 Toxic Talents: Hollywood’s Worst Polluters
America By Eileen Jones
Everybody complains about celebrities, but nobody does anything about them. People, it’s time to stop fretting about whether we’re a celebrity-obsessed culture—we are, we have been, we’re going to be—and instead take practical steps to clean up the celebrity-obsessed culture we’ve got...


    MAIN    |    RUSSIA    |    WAR NERD     |    [SIC!]    |    BAR-DAK    |    THE VAULT    |    ABOUT US    |    RSS

© "the eXile". Tel.: +7 (495) 623-3565, fax: +7 (495) 623-5442