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[SIC!] November 26, 2004


Wow, that is some pretty strong stuff. 'The eXile Solution to Middle America.'

My family is from Tennessee, I didn't vote for Bush, and I'm not on "welfare".

My family works hard and takes good care of each other. So why lump everyone in the same pile? Talk about hate. Of course my family has been fighting hate for many years since we are known as "Natives" of this land. Sorry you hate everyone so badly. I have a lot of friends (and Family) in California and I would never lump them in a pile simply because they come from another part of the country or world for that matter.

Have a lovely Day.


Dear Kat,

Before we gas you and your family, could you please send us a jpeg of your Native American snapper?


Mr. Ames,

Umm, I’m from Texas, and I object to being gassed/nuked. Maybe we should gas expats who are so concerned about America that they want to live somewhere else. Oh, and quit yer fuckin’ whinin’, ya big sissy.

Carlos Goenaga

Houston, TX

Dear Sr. Goenaga,

Actually, what we should do is shoot people who try to swim across the Rio Grande to get into America. Oh wait, we already do that. Phew! Since you survived the swim, you must be one of the smarter ones. That means you’ll understand us when we tell you to make sure you leaf-blow the driveway this time, and pull out all the weeds on the side garden near our kitchen window. Entiendes, si? Oh, and please don’t leave your pick-up in front of the house — park it somewhere farther away. El cocho no en fronte de la casa. The neighbors have been complaining, and it wasn’t easy for us to keep the Texas police from arresting you and turning you over to the INS.



I must congratulate you on the finest post election analysis I have read to date. Excellent! Keep up the good work!

From Austria...


Dear Herr Christopher,

You just liked it because of the gassing part, didn’t you, you nutty Austrian you!


Mr. Ames,

I think I read almost the same poorly written bile on At least they had they had the common decency to distinguish the south, from the midwest, to the west. (since when is Utah in the midwest?).

Now, whats really sad, is the liberal elite, who are no longer liberal or elite, they only dress better and can quote a few more poems rather than heavy metal lyrics (though not many) are as big of whores and morons as the rest of the country, only less enduring. Who paid for all your neato toys and stock portfolios? Middle America did, by being gutted under Reagan (and us thinking it was purty neat that the funny guy with one liners could keep us laughing while raping us at the same time).... No, the coastals are fools as well. They just are convinced they are somehow "better" much like the south are convinced they are more Christ-like.

All you coastal bastards want is cheap food and good football teams from middle america, and thats what you get for you subsidies, which aren't subsidies, though you fools are too stupid to realise thats it only transfering the real burden away from the corporations to the tax payers. Why do you think North Dakota gets a free bridge? So Cargill doesn't have to pay for it to get the cheap food to you.

Now, the saddest thing about this election is that the liberal elite (who don't really exist) are angry at the middle america for not buying their equally pathetic argument for completely uninspiring candidate. You were outsold by a bunch of Suthuhnuhs. Thats the sad part.

David Meister

Dear Mr. Meister (who does really exist),

What in god’s name are you trying to express here? Maybe we should hire Koko the sign-language gorilla to translate this letter, to help you articulate whatever it is your little Middle American (which does exist) mind is trying to convey. Koko! Here, Koko! Read…Middle America, letter, translate for intelligent human! "Koko read David Meister letter… Koko say… even spider monkey…write more clearly…Koko think…David Meister… need poison gas…on him and…on all…surrounding territory…Koko want…five minute…in cage…alone with…David Meister…teach him… grammar…and then…Koko mate with David Meister…maybe baby will have intelligence…maybe populate…territory of Middle America…with smarter primate…than David Meister…"

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Save The eXile: The War Nerd Calls Mayday
The future of The eXile is in your hands! We're holding a fundraiser to save the paper, and your soul. Tune in to Gary Brecher's urgent request for reinforcements and donate as much as you can. If you don't, we'll be overrun and wiped off the face of the earth, forever.

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Everybody complains about celebrities, but nobody does anything about them. People, it’s time to stop fretting about whether we’re a celebrity-obsessed culture—we are, we have been, we’re going to be—and instead take practical steps to clean up the celebrity-obsessed culture we’ve got...


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