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The Fall of The eXile For all those wondering what the "Save The eXile Fundrasier" banner is all about, here it is as simply as it can be phrased: The eXile is shutting down.
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Russia's Orthodox Church Youth Outreach Program The priest is going, "Father Sansei is very impressed with grasshopper Sasha’s...
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Feature Story July 1, 2005
 
28 Months Later
The eXile takes on the Pro War Zombies By John Dolan Browse author Email
 
Page 4 of 10
 

Yaron Brook, Ayn Rand Institute, on the "O'Reilly Factor,"

Dec 17, 2004

Extinction Package: Yaron, you are so right. We at the eXile Brutality Academy have identified the problem: no technique! Yarry baby, the problem is the public schools. They just don't teach bullying the way they used to. So we've arranged for you to do a series of instructional videos teaching our GIs how to brutalize these bastards better. We're sure you're a pretty tough guy, so we're going to film you brutalizing some elderly Japanese guys we rounded up. You can start any time you feel like it. Yarry? What's the matter? You're - oh my God, that Jap in the walker just broke Yarry's arm! How can that little old man throw somebody across the room like that? Call 911! Yarry? Yarry! My God, he's dead! Cut! Cut!

ZOMBIE #9: Richard Perle, neo-con guru

Quote: "If we let our vision of the world go forth and we embrace it entirely, and we don't try to piece together clever diplomacy but just wage a total war ... our children will sing great songs about us years from now."

Extinction Package: We're already working on the first verse. This is just a first draft, you understand:

Let your vision rise on high

Let your vision soar

Let your children raise the cry,

Hooray for total war!

You like it, Rich? Good, because you're going to be the opening act when Toby Keith, our headliner, takes it on the road in Iraq (see next item).

ZOMBIE #10: Toby Keith, Country Singer

Quote: "Last year when I was over there, I didn't feel like it was anything we could ever win. But this year ... four out of five of the Iraqi people would wave at the choppers (that his group flew around in). Iraqis want our great boys and girls over there. They're tasting freedom for the first time."

Toby Keith, June 22 2005, "CBS' The Early Show" commenting on

his USO tours in Aghanistan and Iraq.

Extinction Package: If you want a serious analysis of Iraq, ask a country singer who flew over the country in a helicopter. We at eXile feel that America needs to enlist its artists in the war effort, so we've commissioned Toby to write an ode to Iraqi freedom (working title: "Mmmm, Tastes So Good!"). The team at American Idol is helping Toby plan for the song's debut ("Dawg, you can't rhyme 'liberty' with 'RPG'!"). But here's the catch: the music has to be Arabic, the words Arabic, and the song has to be a mix of Quranic quotes and odes to the insurgents and Saddam Hussein. In order to help Toby get a crash-course in understanding the local culture, we're going to strap him into the back of an Iraqi taxi which has been geared up with a $10,000 stereo system, including massive sub-woofer. The car will be instructed to drive up and down the Anbar Province, where he can meet the 4 out of 5 waving Iraqis (waving what?), and he won't be able to leave the car until he's written a tune in perfect Arabic.

ZOMBIE #11: Bill O'Reilly

Quote: "And I said on my program, if - if - the Americans go in and overthrow Saddam Hussein and it's clean, he has nothing, I will apologize to the nation, and I will not trust the Bush administration again."

Bill O'Reilly, "Good Morning America," Mar 18, 2003.

"I'm sorry."

O'Reilly, "Good Morning America," February 11, 2004,

"But then I go on "Good Morning America" yesterday and say that I'm personally sorry my analysis on WMDs before the war was wrong and I'm angry about the CIA mistake. ...Well, that's dishonest. I still believe removing Saddam was the right thing to do and that history will prove it. And there's also the possibility that WMDs will be found, so I might have to apologize for my apology. I don't mind. I still hope they find WMDs.


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dolan@exile.ru
 
 
FROM THE VAULT
Dima
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