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Mankind's only alternative

The Fall of The eXile For all those wondering what the "Save The eXile Fundrasier" banner is all about, here it is as simply as it can be phrased: The eXile is shutting down.
June 11, 2008 in eXile Blog

War Nerd: War of the Babies in Taki's Magazine The War Nerd talks about babies, the greatest weapon of the 20th century.
May 28, 2008 in eXile Blog

Kids, Meet Your President A website for Russian kids to learn all about President Medvedev's passion for school, sports and family.
May 22, 2008 in eXile Blog

Cellphone Democracy Cam If this girl was exposed to Jeffersonian democracy...
May 20, 2008 in Face Control

More Classy B&W Dyev Photos Yet another hot Russian babe imitating the Catpower look...
May 20, 2008 in Face Control

Proof That Genetic Memory Is Real! Sure, the Ottomans shut down the Istanbul Slavic slave markets centuries ago...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

Russia's Orthodox Church Youth Outreach Program The priest is going, "Father Sansei is very impressed with grasshopper Sasha’s...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

More Classy B&W Club Photos w/Russian Dyevs We took the Pepsi Challenge here...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

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Kino Korner March 7, 2006
Kino Kwikeez
By Alex Shifrin Browse author Email

The Burning Bed

Vixen Farrah Fawcett plays real life Francine Hughes, who after years of domestic abuse offs her husband by dousing him in gasoline while he's asleep and letting the sparks fly. Hot action, worthy of a Death Porn write-up, right in your own back yard.


With domestic abuse no longer in vogue after The Burning Bed, men had to act quickly in order to find another way to make women cry. In Beaches, director Garry Marshall tells the story of two women, best friends from childhood, their affection for the same man, and their even greater affection for one another. The downside of this film is that it allows women the opportunity to practice on-command weeping, the weapon of choice to end all arguments and discussions. What have we done?

When Harry Met Sally

Harry and Sally fear that a tryst in bed would ruin their friendship. Reinforces the ridiculous North American notion that men and women can actually remain as friends without one of them passively scheming to fuck the other senseless. Abstention and Puritanism in its most raw and American form. Great film for sensitive guys who like to snuggle.

Brokeback Mountain

Other than Mark Ames, what seemingly-heterosexual man doesn't like a good dyke show? Exactly. Building on this logic, we submit Ang Lee's recent pederast rhapsody to the eXile Top Chick Flix of All Time category.


Folks, there's simply no way that a war film without any action is meant for guys. Through the simple process of elimination, our crack research team has concluded that Jarhead was therefore created for chicks. As a further bonus, the film features an exemplary performance by man-dyke-show star Jake Gyllenhaal.

Iron Jawed Angels

Hillary Swank storms Washington, demanding that women are given the right to vote. Some of you out there may be asking yourself: Who the hell was responsible for this? Folks, the answer lies with Swedes, the suffrage movement and its various sympathizers. Apparently, Night Flight is Sweden's attempt to make amends for allowing this to transpire. Even the film's creators refused to take themselves seriously, sticking in a gratuitous masturbation sequence by the film's lead (Swank), after she failed to score with some dude.

Thelma & Louise

Bored, a waitress and her housewife pal (Susan Sarandon, Geena Davis), hit the road in a snazzy retro automobile in search of fun and adventure. After a fatal altercation with a sexual aggressor, fatal for the phallocentric aggressor that is, the two ladies high tail it off to Mexico, sympathetic cops on their tail. Luckily, sympathy for this type of behavior hasn't managed to find its way to Russia, yet. Unless the aggressor happens to be from the Caucasus.

A League of Their Own

It's WWII and with all the fellas at a razborka over in Europe, a bunch of chicks decide to play some ball until their return. Throw in a few moments of comic relief courtesy of chubby windbag Rosie O'Donnell, and director Penny Marshall rakes in bundles of cash from duped feminists. God bless America.

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Save The eXile: The War Nerd Calls Mayday
The future of The eXile is in your hands! We're holding a fundraiser to save the paper, and your soul. Tune in to Gary Brecher's urgent request for reinforcements and donate as much as you can. If you don't, we'll be overrun and wiped off the face of the earth, forever.

Scanning Moscow’s Traffic Cops
Automotive Section
We’re happy to introduce a new column in which we publish Moscow’s raw radio communications, courtesy of a Russian amateur radio enthusiast. This issue, eXile readers are given a peek into the secret conversations of Moscow’s traffic police, the notorious "GAIshniki."

Eleven Years of Threats: The eXile's Incredible Journey
Feature Story By The eXile
Good Night, and Bad Luck: In a nation terrorized by its own government, one newspaper dared to fart in its face. Get out your hankies, cuz we’re taking a look back at the impossible crises we overcame.

Your Letters
Russia's freedom-loving free market martyr Mikhail Khodorkovsky answers some of this week's letters, and he's got nothing but praise for President Medvedev.

Clubbing Adventures Through Time
Club Review By Dmitriy Babooshka
eXile club reviewer Babooshka takes a trip through time with the ghost of Moscow clubbing past, present and future, and true to form, gets laid in the process.

The Fortnight Spin
Bardak Calendar By Jared Lindquist
Jared comes out with yet another roundup of upcoming bardak sessions.

Your Letters
Richard Gere tackles this week's letters. Now reformed, he fights for gerbil rights all around the world.

13 Toxic Talents: Hollywood’s Worst Polluters
America By Eileen Jones
Everybody complains about celebrities, but nobody does anything about them. People, it’s time to stop fretting about whether we’re a celebrity-obsessed culture—we are, we have been, we’re going to be—and instead take practical steps to clean up the celebrity-obsessed culture we’ve got...


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