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Vlad's Daily Gloat - The eXile Blog

The Fall of The eXile For all those wondering what the "Save The eXile Fundrasier" banner is all about, here it is as simply as it can be phrased: The eXile is shutting down.
June 11, 2008 in eXile Blog

War Nerd: War of the Babies in Taki's Magazine The War Nerd talks about babies, the greatest weapon of the 20th century.
May 28, 2008 in eXile Blog

Kids, Meet Your President A website for Russian kids to learn all about President Medvedev's passion for school, sports and family.
May 22, 2008 in eXile Blog

Cellphone Democracy Cam If this girl was exposed to Jeffersonian democracy...
May 20, 2008 in Face Control

More Classy B&W Dyev Photos Yet another hot Russian babe imitating the Catpower look...
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Proof That Genetic Memory Is Real! Sure, the Ottomans shut down the Istanbul Slavic slave markets centuries ago...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

Russia's Orthodox Church Youth Outreach Program The priest is going, "Father Sansei is very impressed with grasshopper Sasha’s...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

More Classy B&W Club Photos w/Russian Dyevs We took the Pepsi Challenge here...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

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Kino Korner April 7, 2006
Kino Kwikeez
By Alex Shifrin Browse author Email

Basic Instinct 2

What They Say: Sharon Stone's vagina is back. This time however, her snapper has managed to stir things up in frigid England, and a typically uptight Tommy must resist her geriatric charms. Apparently, the film is so bad that even Stone walked out during a preview screening in London.

What We Say: There should be a statute of limitations for film sequels to erotic thrillers. While a quick search of the Internet indicates that there appears to be significant interest in MILF porn, we're a little put off by the idea of a 47-year-old Stone doing anything but attending charity events or become a Bardot-esque recluse-eccentric.Years from now, scholars will examine this film and ask: "How did this not go straight to video?"

The Lowdown: The Devil in Miss Jones meets Cocoon.

Best Bit: Not seeing Stone's graying snapper this time.

Starring: Sharon Stone's vagina, a bunch of Brits with ridiculous names like Iain and Hugh.

Rating:: 1/5

Playing: 5 Zvezd, Dome Cinema (wouldn'tcha know it!)


What They Say: This is the story of Truman Capote's initial success, and ultimate struggle to write and complete his classic novel, In Cold Blood. At first he dabbled in nothing more than sensationalist journalism picked up from the pages of a newspaper, but Capote quickly realized that the sordid facts offered him an opportunity to pen the first non-fiction novel, affording him the fame he so desperately wanted.

What We Say: The film was ok, nothing more, arguing that Capote in his own really really really gay way, was as manipulative and venomous as the killer whom he was writing about. If gay comedies were the plat du jour in the early 2000's, this is the year that every Hollywood male actor with the slightest pheromone imbalance scrambled to get his manicured hands on a homosexual drama script. Pederast cheerleading has reached Internet bubble proportions folks, and we warn all metrosexuals about over investing into a market ready to implode. A quick scan of the DVD boxes at our local pirate kiosk showed us that almost every film riddled with festival nominations or awards involved a sober story about some dude's insatiable desire to commit sodomy.

The Lowdown: Misery meets Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.

Best Bit: The execution scene in which the hangman is dressed very much like Capote during the Studio 54 years, suggesting in a not very subtle way that Capote used and ultimately felt responsible for killing the accused.

Starring: Philip Seymour Hoffman, Catherine Keener, Clifton Collins Jr., Chris Cooper.

Rating:: 4/5

Playing: Pirate kiosks near you

Boomer 2

What They Say: Unlikely sequel to the excellent Russian flick Boomer, this film picks up after Kostya is released from prison (amazingly without tuberculosis) and tries to start a new, more peaceful life.However, just when he thought he was out...

What We Say: Whoa, what happened? Except for the classic Army of Darkness, sequels tend to disappoint. This sequel was staggeringly awful. The script can only be described as a trailblazing masterpiece in the "non-science fiction, suspension of disbelief" genre. Ultimately, we had to stop the DVD in order to avoid popping a vein from the frustration. It's been said that a team of monkeys randomly hitting keys on a typewriter will eventually over time write something great. We can only infer that this particular team of monkeys just wasn't given enough time.

The Lowdown: Pastel blazers meet The New Economy™.

Best Bit: Any clips from the first movie.

Starring: Vladimir Vdovichenkov, Andrei Merzlikin, Svetlana Ustinova, Nikolai Olyalin.

Rating:: 2/5

Playing: MDM-Kino

16 Blocks

What They Say: Chased by bad guy cops, Bruce Willis is a burned out police officer trying to do the right thing by escorting a targeted witness to a court house 16 blocks away. Lots of falling to the ground while shooting a gun sequences and strained angry grimaces ensure that Willis fans will get exactly what they came for. Twist here is the suspense not about whether the bay guys will prevent Willis from accomplishing his task, but whether the decrepit old man will be able to muster enough health to hobble that distance.

What We Say: Bruce Willis has bested both Kevin Costner and Sean Connery in the race to become supreme ruler in the Kingdom of Typecast-Moody-Aging-Male-Lead Land. We can only hope that a purge is to follow.

The Lowdown: Die Hard meets Grumpy Old Men.

Best Bit: Mos Def, who has become the Ice Cube of making shitty films tolerable.

Starring: Bruce Willis, Mos Def, David Morse, Jenna Stern.

Rating:: 3/5

Playing: My place

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Low Rollers! 24 Hours in Slot Hall Hell :
Toxoplasma, the Brain Bug
TOXOPLASMA : The obscure cat-shit parasite that explains Europe
Moron 5 - Adam Levine
Letter from Moron 5's Lawyer :

Facial Humilation :


Save The eXile: The War Nerd Calls Mayday
The future of The eXile is in your hands! We're holding a fundraiser to save the paper, and your soul. Tune in to Gary Brecher's urgent request for reinforcements and donate as much as you can. If you don't, we'll be overrun and wiped off the face of the earth, forever.

Scanning Moscow’s Traffic Cops
Automotive Section
We’re happy to introduce a new column in which we publish Moscow’s raw radio communications, courtesy of a Russian amateur radio enthusiast. This issue, eXile readers are given a peek into the secret conversations of Moscow’s traffic police, the notorious "GAIshniki."

Eleven Years of Threats: The eXile's Incredible Journey
Feature Story By The eXile
Good Night, and Bad Luck: In a nation terrorized by its own government, one newspaper dared to fart in its face. Get out your hankies, cuz we’re taking a look back at the impossible crises we overcame.

Your Letters
Russia's freedom-loving free market martyr Mikhail Khodorkovsky answers some of this week's letters, and he's got nothing but praise for President Medvedev.

Clubbing Adventures Through Time
Club Review By Dmitriy Babooshka
eXile club reviewer Babooshka takes a trip through time with the ghost of Moscow clubbing past, present and future, and true to form, gets laid in the process.

The Fortnight Spin
Bardak Calendar By Jared Lindquist
Jared comes out with yet another roundup of upcoming bardak sessions.

Your Letters
Richard Gere tackles this week's letters. Now reformed, he fights for gerbil rights all around the world.

13 Toxic Talents: Hollywood’s Worst Polluters
America By Eileen Jones
Everybody complains about celebrities, but nobody does anything about them. People, it’s time to stop fretting about whether we’re a celebrity-obsessed culture—we are, we have been, we’re going to be—and instead take practical steps to clean up the celebrity-obsessed culture we’ve got...


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