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Kino Korner May 5, 2006
 
Kino Kwikeez
By Alex Shifrin Browse author Email
 
 

Dirty Deeds

What They Say: The school’s aloof rebel takes on the ever popular jock by agreeing to complete a series of dares, known as the Dirty Deeds. Will he succeed and get the girl? Of course he will, stupid.

What We Say: Watching this film is sort of like eating meatloaf at the Diner when you have a cold. It’s comfort food. Reminiscent of the entire John Hughes generation the film tries to teach a whole new generation of young’ns how to be cool. Unfortunately, Dirty Deeds is a far cry from its predecessors, making us fear for this new generation’s future. What, without role models like The Ogre and Long Duck Dong, where will we be come ten years time?

The Lowdown: Revenge of the Nerds meets Justin Timberlake divided by Secret Admirer

Best Bit: The new generation of young hot chix.

Starring: Brian Brown

Rating:: 2/5

Playing: Pirate kiosks

D.O.G. (One Man and His Dog)

What They Say: A scary English gangster hires a bunch of up and coming slapstick thugs to steal a thoroughbred greyhound from another scary English gangster. Incomprehensible dialogue follows.

What We Say: Why do they call the country England if no one there speaks any discernible form of the language? Similar to the error made by Ultraviolet’s producers in relation to the Matrix, why would anyone invest money into producing a Guy Richie knockoff film three years after the trend died? As a side note, English gangsters are not scary. They’re just silly.

The Lowdown: Guy Richie meets a Chinese knockoff of Guy Richie

Best Bit: Discovering that the subtitles function works.

Starring: Some limeys

Rating:: 2/5

Playing: Who cares

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FROM THE VAULT
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Dim Sum
Restaurant Review: Dantes, Food Inferno :

Not Dead Yet :
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Death Porn: Hog-tied For The Holidays :
 

 
 
 
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