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Russia's Orthodox Church Youth Outreach Program The priest is going, "Father Sansei is very impressed with grasshopper Sasha’s...
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Kino Korner May 19, 2006
Kino Kwikeez
By Alex Shifrin Browse author Email

Color Me Kubrick

What They Say: The true story of Gary Ness who conned people out of money and favors by posing as Stanley Kubrick, all the while bearing no resemblance to him.

What We Say: Translated in Russian as Being Stanley Kubrick. It's bad enough that foreign DVD's sold in Moscow now tend to either be only dubbed into Russian or have that monotone voiceover which, for some frustrating reason, you can't switch off. Now, it's become popular for adaptation companies to fuck with the film's title. Hunchback Mountain was one of our fave's. You see, folks, Malkovich was in a film called Being John Malkovich, so let's be clever and change this Malkovich film's title to Being Stanley Kubrick. Get it? The local film industry has no respect for itself. Having said all that, the film was very watchable.

The Lowdown: Dirty Rotten Scoundrels meets A Clockwork Orange.

Best Bit: Ness, pretending to be Kubrick discusses the possibility of casting John Malkovich in his next film.

Starring: John Malkovich, a bunch of gay dudes.

Rating: 5/5

Playing At: Pirate kiosk near you

Mission Impossible 3

What They Say: Tom Cruise is pitted against Philip Seymour Hoffman in a kind of both sides of the closet door super showdown. Vowing revenge on Cruise after having his feathers ruffled, Hoffman goes after Cruise' fiance, and we all know how attached Cruise can be to a fiance.

What We Say: This film almost made CNN abandon its trademark daily photos of protesting Arabs in lieu of surprisingly trivial exposes on Cruise's failure to make the predicted bajillion dollars in the first week of box office sales. Apparently, half a bajillion is just not good enough. Audiences in some US theatres cheered when Cruise took a near death beating.

The Lowdown: Bond meets bomb.

Best Bit: We must admit, Cruise's near death beating caused a spike in our serotonin levels.

Starring: Tom Cruise, Ving Rhames, Keri Russell, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Laurence Fishburne, Jonathan Rhys Meyers.

Rating: 3/5

Playing At: 5 Zvezd and Oktyabr'

The Tiger And The Snow

What They Say: A love struck poet uses his charm and humor to woo a comatose aid worker during the onset of the American invasion in Iraq. Really.

What We Say: What the fuck? We were shocked when Axis national Benigni got away with his concentration camp comedy Life is Beautiful, but a romantic comedy set during the Iraq War? How about a musical about Serbian ethnic cleansing? On some level, though, we have to hand it to Benigni for continuously taking the piss out of an entire generation of self absorbed festival goers.

The Lowdown: Romeo meets Rommel.

Best Bit: Benigni getting out of an internment camp after American soldiers recognize him as a poet.

Starring: Roberto Benigni, Jean Reno, Nicoletta Braschi, Tom Waits.

Rating: 2/5

Playing At: Pirate kiosk near you

The Detonator

What They Say: Wesley Snipes runs around Bucharest, doing fancy karate stuff on Romanian gangster types.

What We Say: Snipes, who was once Hollywood's negro du jour, seems to have firmly repositioned himself over to the "shot-in-a-second-world-country-straight-to-DVD" genre. We can only imagine a spate of infomercials to follow. A mix of Snipes' denial and decline, this film made us feel similarly uncomfortable as watching 67 year Tina Turner perform in a mini-skirt. Oh, the horror.

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A Putin Era Retrospective : An eXile History
Get Your Putin On! Comix
Get Your Putin On! :

Megatons and Memory Holes : Richard Rhodes, Richard Perle, and the Man Who Saved the World

The Fortnight Spin :


Save The eXile: The War Nerd Calls Mayday
The future of The eXile is in your hands! We're holding a fundraiser to save the paper, and your soul. Tune in to Gary Brecher's urgent request for reinforcements and donate as much as you can. If you don't, we'll be overrun and wiped off the face of the earth, forever.

Scanning Moscow’s Traffic Cops
Automotive Section
We’re happy to introduce a new column in which we publish Moscow’s raw radio communications, courtesy of a Russian amateur radio enthusiast. This issue, eXile readers are given a peek into the secret conversations of Moscow’s traffic police, the notorious "GAIshniki."

Eleven Years of Threats: The eXile's Incredible Journey
Feature Story By The eXile
Good Night, and Bad Luck: In a nation terrorized by its own government, one newspaper dared to fart in its face. Get out your hankies, cuz we’re taking a look back at the impossible crises we overcame.

Your Letters
Russia's freedom-loving free market martyr Mikhail Khodorkovsky answers some of this week's letters, and he's got nothing but praise for President Medvedev.

Clubbing Adventures Through Time
Club Review By Dmitriy Babooshka
eXile club reviewer Babooshka takes a trip through time with the ghost of Moscow clubbing past, present and future, and true to form, gets laid in the process.

The Fortnight Spin
Bardak Calendar By Jared Lindquist
Jared comes out with yet another roundup of upcoming bardak sessions.

Your Letters
Richard Gere tackles this week's letters. Now reformed, he fights for gerbil rights all around the world.

13 Toxic Talents: Hollywood’s Worst Polluters
America By Eileen Jones
Everybody complains about celebrities, but nobody does anything about them. People, it’s time to stop fretting about whether we’re a celebrity-obsessed culture—we are, we have been, we’re going to be—and instead take practical steps to clean up the celebrity-obsessed culture we’ve got...


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