Mankind's only alternative 10   DEC.   22  
Mankind's only alternative
Vlad's Daily Gloat - The eXile Blog

The Fall of The eXile For all those wondering what the "Save The eXile Fundrasier" banner is all about, here it is as simply as it can be phrased: The eXile is shutting down.
June 11, 2008 in eXile Blog

War Nerd: War of the Babies in Taki's Magazine The War Nerd talks about babies, the greatest weapon of the 20th century.
May 28, 2008 in eXile Blog

Kids, Meet Your President A website for Russian kids to learn all about President Medvedev's passion for school, sports and family.
May 22, 2008 in eXile Blog

Cellphone Democracy Cam If this girl was exposed to Jeffersonian democracy...
May 20, 2008 in Face Control

More Classy B&W Dyev Photos Yet another hot Russian babe imitating the Catpower look...
May 20, 2008 in Face Control

Proof That Genetic Memory Is Real! Sure, the Ottomans shut down the Istanbul Slavic slave markets centuries ago...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

Russia's Orthodox Church Youth Outreach Program The priest is going, "Father Sansei is very impressed with grasshopper Sasha’s...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

More Classy B&W Club Photos w/Russian Dyevs We took the Pepsi Challenge here...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

Blogs RSS feed

Kino Korner June 29, 2006
Kino Kwikeez
By Alex Shifrin Browse author Email


What They Say: Another re-work of a 70's disaster film, which itself was a remake of the Titanic story, ultimately somehow paralleling that whole art imitating life imitating shit thing-y. Kurt Russell tries to escape the sinking ship which symbolizes his legendary acting career.

What We Say: Briefly stars Kevin Dillon, who is the Old Navy to brother Matt's Banana Republic same family, only slightly less expensive. The Baldwins, of course, have done a much better job of brand segmentation, offering a Baldwin for practically every budget. Some say that this film's saving grace is the special effects, but that's sort of like reading War and Peace because you like the typeface.

The Lowdown: Titanic meets Escape from New York. The second Escape From New York, the one where he's already escaped to LA.

Best Bit: Richard Dreyfuss playing a pederast. We can see the executive meeting now: "We need to make the script fresh, more modern. Let's see. How about a homosexual? They seem to be popular nowadays. We'll get the Brokeback Mountain demographic. Get the writers on the phone, we need a faggot, pronto!"


Starring: Kurt Russell, Josh Lucas, Richard Dreyfuss, Jacinda Barrett, Kevin Dillon.

Rating: 1/5

Playing At: Someone's ass


What They Say: This week's animated film entry, a slick big time race car learns some important life lessons when he's stuck in a small town for a few days.

What We Say: If we were eight years old, this film would confuse us. Why is a car being taught how to be a better person? How do you tell a boy car from a girl car? Where do baby cars come from? Is that what the dip stick is really for? Do cars do it in the trunk? How are baby cars made? Am I hurting the car when I slam the door? Will cars eventually rise up against us? Will there be a car-holocaust? Will we have to send someone back in time to stop these damn machines? Oh go, nooooooo!


The Lowdown: Who Made Who meets Fantasia.

Best Bit: Dude car falling for a chick car. Gives new meaning to being rear ended.

Starring: Voices of Owen Wilson, Paul Newman, Bonnie Hunt, Larry The Cable Guy, Cheech Marin, Michael Keaton, George Carlin, John Ratzenberger.

Rating: 2/5

Playing At: NAMBLA community centers everywhere

The Breakup

What They Say: Aniston and Vaughn decide to end their relationship, however, continue to share their living quarters until the condo's sold. The Odd

The Breakup

Couple, indeed! Is humanity prepared for this level of zaniness? Gazoinks!

What We Say: Watching films about American relationships totally bums us out. This is just the thing to watch if you're ever feeling any doubts about your decision to pack up and move to Russia. Are all US males really such fucking pansies, dreaming of the opportunity to cry in front of their chicks? Waitdon't answer that. I don't want to know.

The Lowdown: Kramer vs. Kramer vs. Harry vs. Sally.

Best Bit: Undoubtedly, Anniston's hot, nekkid butt.

Starring: Vince Vaughn, Jennifer Aniston, Jon Favreau, Jason Bateman, Vincent D'Onofrio.

Rating: 3/5 (two points for each Aniston butt cheek)

Playing At: Your bedroom, with a tube of Ya Sam

SHARE:  Digg  My Web  Facebook  Reddit
Eat's Review
Mayo and Spice : Indian food is kinda like Russian food!

Platzkart Hell :
Restaurant Review
2-in-1 Restauarant Review: Starlite & Eat and Talk :

Horsing Around :


Save The eXile: The War Nerd Calls Mayday
The future of The eXile is in your hands! We're holding a fundraiser to save the paper, and your soul. Tune in to Gary Brecher's urgent request for reinforcements and donate as much as you can. If you don't, we'll be overrun and wiped off the face of the earth, forever.

Scanning Moscow’s Traffic Cops
Automotive Section
We’re happy to introduce a new column in which we publish Moscow’s raw radio communications, courtesy of a Russian amateur radio enthusiast. This issue, eXile readers are given a peek into the secret conversations of Moscow’s traffic police, the notorious "GAIshniki."

Eleven Years of Threats: The eXile's Incredible Journey
Feature Story By The eXile
Good Night, and Bad Luck: In a nation terrorized by its own government, one newspaper dared to fart in its face. Get out your hankies, cuz we’re taking a look back at the impossible crises we overcame.

Your Letters
Russia's freedom-loving free market martyr Mikhail Khodorkovsky answers some of this week's letters, and he's got nothing but praise for President Medvedev.

Clubbing Adventures Through Time
Club Review By Dmitriy Babooshka
eXile club reviewer Babooshka takes a trip through time with the ghost of Moscow clubbing past, present and future, and true to form, gets laid in the process.

The Fortnight Spin
Bardak Calendar By Jared Lindquist
Jared comes out with yet another roundup of upcoming bardak sessions.

Your Letters
Richard Gere tackles this week's letters. Now reformed, he fights for gerbil rights all around the world.

13 Toxic Talents: Hollywood’s Worst Polluters
America By Eileen Jones
Everybody complains about celebrities, but nobody does anything about them. People, it’s time to stop fretting about whether we’re a celebrity-obsessed culture—we are, we have been, we’re going to be—and instead take practical steps to clean up the celebrity-obsessed culture we’ve got...


    MAIN    |    RUSSIA    |    WAR NERD     |    [SIC!]    |    BAR-DAK    |    THE VAULT    |    ABOUT US    |    RSS

© "the eXile". Tel.: +7 (495) 623-3565, fax: +7 (495) 623-5442