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Kompromat Korner July 15, 2006
 
Kompromat Korner
What’s the skinny on G8 preparations? By Yasha Levine Browse author Email
 
 

During the period of July 2 -- 29th, civil airspace will be shut. Airplanes without a special designated identification code and instructions from the RF armed forces will not be allowed into the airspace.

Within the uncontrolled airspace, three attempts will be made to identify unknown planes. Within controlled space, one attempt will be made before the destruction of the unidentified objects. Within controlled airspace unidentified objects will be destructed after the first warning.

In the period of the summit, 15-17 July, all organizations located in the path of delegation transport will be closed down (cemeteries, supermarkets or outdoor markets.)

All police responsible for ensuring safety must exchange their regular cell phones for new communication devices and must undergo GPS and GPRS training.

All people not connected to servicing the event must carry identification. Those without identification will be detained for 6 days. Identity checks will not be carried out during the 15-17th of July.

Organize a collection of service personnel to guarantee the cleanliness of roads and roadside paint coatings. Youths 15-25 years of age of athletic build will be given preference for these positions.

Organize a collection of persons of non-Slavic appearance for medium to high-level service personnel positions to emphasize the multinational composition of the northern capital and an absence of discrimination. Preference will given to persons that clearly express a Caucasian and Asian appearance -- Koryaks (an ethnic group of Mongol ancestry -- ed.), Koreans, Azerbaijani, Africans, etc.

Conduct exploratory work to ensure the mass departure of homeless to the territory of Leningrad, Tver, and other regions. They will be engaged in summer working camps for the collection strawberries, potatos... Provide them with necessary tools and clothing, as well as three meals a day.

Instruct educational institutions, businesses and other establishments about the necessity for a neat and proper dress code, including:

- Tidy, fresh clothing

- Tidy footwear that corresponds to the outer clothing of the citizen

- Tidy hairdo

- Friendly, optimistic, open view and the smile

Originally in Russian, the above text has been circulating around message boards for the past two weeks. Supposedly it's an excerpt from an official directive for the G8 summit in St. Petersburg. eXile couldn't obtain the document itself, but it seems real enough. The directives may seem absurd, but they're not too far from what you can glean from the streets or Russian newspapers. Here's some condensed facts:

Although the entire city is going to be clamped down, the summit's actual base camp won't be located in the city itself. Instead, it's going to be held at Putin's presidential sea residence on a small island near the Gulf of Finland. In accordance with a special "water" theme, all the summit-related delegate transportation will be carried out exclusively using boats. It's an interesting idea that reminds me of when Moscow made it's pitch for the 2012 Olympics. Back then, the plan wanted to parade the world's athletes, not presidents, up and down the Moscow River on boats. Clearly, the Kremlin is pinching pennies here by rehashing what probably was a costly western PR agency idea.

Because of the summit's water theme, all of St. Petersburg's waterways will be closed and the Russian navy will be present nearby to assist with any hitches in the program.

At the very beginning of the event, St. Petersburg only airport, Pulkovo, is going to be shut down for more that 24 hours to all commercial flights. The city's GSM network will also be shut down for the weekend to combat GSM's ability to transmit a cell phone's location. Does restricting cell phone communication to analog channels reduce the threat of an terrorist attack?

Starting even as far back the end of June, Izvestia noted that the bums were conspicuously missing. They're probably enjoying a dose of "voluntary" labor at one of St. Petersburg's farms. Maybe some of them will actually come to like their brief internment. There's nothing like a few weeks of fresh air and hard work to get you back on the straight and narrow...

People living in apartments overlooking G8 transportation routes have been "encouraged" to wash their windows and to not leave their clothes hanging out to dry on their balconies. The question is, what'll happen if they don't comply? Will FSB goons break into their apartments and take the clothes off for them? Will they fold and press them too?

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Levine
Browse author
Yasha Levine is an editor at The eXile. You can contact him at yasha@exile.ru
 
 
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