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War Nerd: War of the Babies in Taki's Magazine The War Nerd talks about babies, the greatest weapon of the 20th century.
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Kids, Meet Your President A website for Russian kids to learn all about President Medvedev's passion for school, sports and family.
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Cellphone Democracy Cam If this girl was exposed to Jeffersonian democracy...
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Proof That Genetic Memory Is Real! Sure, the Ottomans shut down the Istanbul Slavic slave markets centuries ago...
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Russia's Orthodox Church Youth Outreach Program The priest is going, "Father Sansei is very impressed with grasshopper Sasha’s...
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Kino Korner September 22, 2006
 
Kino Kwikeez
By Alex Shifrin Browse author Email
 
 

Snakes On A Plane

What They Say: The result of focus group product testing, Snakes on a Plane is the much hyped film which answered some production research exec's assignment question: What are two things that people fear the most these day? Well, that would be crashing airplanes and snakes. Mix the two together and BLAMO, you have Snakes on a Plane.

What We Say: Great Internet hype, exploiting Samuel "Mother Fucking" Jackson's trademark elevated-tone belligerence. The film, as would be expected from most hype jobs of this sort, was mediocre. Don't be fooled by critics gushing to call this a "thrilling ride" or "spectacular." That's just something that they do to get their reviews reprinted on DVD boxes. Whores.

The Lowdown: Airport 77 meets National Geographic.

Best Bit: The stuff on the Internet.

Starring: Samuel L. Jackson, Julianna Margulies, Nathan Phillips, Rachel Blanchard, Flex Alexander.

Rating:: 2/5

Playing: Pirate kiosks

Guy X

What They Say: Pie sodomizing Jason Biggs plays a US soldier accidentally stationed in Greenland during the late 1970's. Initially believing that his erroneous posting would be nothing more than sheer tedium, the pastry-bonker quickly realizes that something's not right.

What We Say: If you can get past the fact that this was essentially a post-Vietnam war film about absolutely nothing, then it's somewhat enjoyable. Spooky CIA medical experiment type of stuff and Biggs' typical awkward teen antics a plenty.

The Lowdown: Jacob's Ladder meets Seinfeld.

Best Bit: Watching Biggs become a "serious" comedian.

Starring: Jason Biggs, Natascha McElhone, Jeremy Northam, Michael Ironside, Sean Tucker.

Rating:: 4/5

Playing: Pirate kiosks

Clerks 2

What They Say: It's a few years later, and our beloved variety shop has burned down. The boys are now Dante and Randall are now working in a big commercial burger joint, with Dante planning on escaping to Florida with his trophy bride-to-be.

What We Say: Surprisingly good, considering that we'd expect Kevin Smith to be making sellout fluff, tested and adjusted to fit the ideal Gen X demographic. Way to go Kev!

The Lowdown: Clerks, all over again.

Best Bit: The ongoing inside jokes about closet homosexuality. Yes Kevin, we get it.

Starring: Brian O'Halloran, Jeff Anderson, Rosario Dawson, Jason Mewes, Kevin Smith, Trevor Fehrman, Jason Lee, Ben Affleck.

Rating:: 4/5

Playing: Pirate kiosks

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