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Restaurant Review October 6, 2006
Here’s The Beef!
By Mark Ames Browse author Email

Normally I don't like putting my name on reviews. But in the case of DOUG'S STEAKHOUSE, I feel duty-bound, as a professional journalist, to inform our readers that, yea, a manna from heaven hath fallen, and lo it is a very meaty, and yea, so very delicious manna. I'm serious: did you know that Doug spelled backwards is "Goud," which is the Canadian way of saying "God"?

I didn't always love eating bloody rare steaks. See, I was a vegetarian until the age of 15, because I felt sorry for animals. Before then, the only thing I could eat was grapes and cheese, along with all of the Ho-Ho's, Eggo Waffles, and Fritos so essential to producing an ADD suburban fuck-up.

Then suddenly I grew tall at age 15. Tall and skinny, a bad combination for a kid who wanted to be Art Shell and play lineman for his football team. I needed to pack on about 40 pounds, but I had only 4 months to get there. That meant only thing: a lot of animals would have to die.

That's when I learned one more reason to love animals, because not only are they beautiful creatures...but they're so frickin delicious!

Especially when the meat's prepared at a place like Doug's Steakhouse. Last Sunday, I ate an uber-steak the likes you don't normally get outside of America: a 3-pound premium Porterhouse Steak. You read that right! A 3-pound motherfucking steak!

Doug's Porterhouse (2200 for 2 people) puts even the likes of Morton's to shame not only for its size but for its preparation - cooked over wood coals, the medium rare/rare steak came perfectly blackened on the outside, locking in all the juices and blood for the moment when my knife and fork attacked. Indeed my deceptively petite dining date and I could barely get through one side of the bone before rolling up the white flag...and asking for a doggy bag.

Credit goes to Doug's chef, an American plucked out of the cream of the US steakhouse world (and folks, if there's one thing left that Bush still hasn't fucked up, it's America's steakhouses, the best in the world).

Everything on the menu looks excellent, and everything we tried was - from the Goat Cheese Salad (350r) to the Cherry Pepper Calamari, a surprisingly robust and spicy Thai-influenced dish that I can't recommend enough (indeed it turns out that said chef is a specialist in Asian cuisine, so expect more first-rate, sweat-producing Asian fare soon...). Other offerings include a massive, juicy Ribeye (1100r) and, amazingly, a San Francisco Cioppino (1200), which I look forward to tasting.

One great advantage to Doug's over, say, rival (and overrated) steakhouse Goodman's, is the value. Such as the reasonably-priced wine by the glass. I had a perfectly acceptable California Cabernet for 180r, while dining mate enjoyed a glass of French white for 150r, meaning we had enough left over for her shoes-shopping later.

Also, unlike at Goodman's on Tverskaya, Doug's has proper steakhouse ambience: lots of space and tasteful music. The last time I was at Goodman's, some rebranded-goon was having a birthday party with his rebranded-goon buddies, which meant having the song "happy birthday" blasted through Goodman's house speakers at shawarma-kiosk-level distortion-volumes, over and over again. None of the other rebranded-goons at the other tables seemed to notice - heck, they loved it!

At Doug's Steakhouse, you get it all: awesome meat, huge portions, perfectly prepared, fair prices, in fine ambience.

Doug - you really are a Goud. Aye.

Doug's Steak House

Tsvetnoi Bulvar D. 30, Str. 1

Tel: 200-0145

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