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Kompromat Korner October 20, 2006
Kompromat Korner
By Yasha Levine Browse author Email

Runaway Bride?

Last month, a female American Air Force officer, Maj. Jill Metzger, was reported missing for three days in Bishkek, Kyrgyzstan.

According to Metzger, she'd taken a day off from the big American base at Manas to do what all Bishkek gals love: a day of shopping at the city's Univermag department store. When she was found at a farmhouse outside of town, with dyed hair and bloodied feet, she claimed that she had been kidnapped, left for dead, and that she used her Air Force training skills to dispatch her abductors and free herself, like some GI Jane.

Who kidnapped this American gal action hero figure? Islamofascists? Kyrgyz bandits? Freedom-haters? All of the above?

Not exactly. Now authorities are telling the press that Metzger's account just doesn't add up. They can't figure out a motive for the kidnapping based on Metzger's bizarre account.

Actually it's not all that hard. Remember Jennifer Wilbanks, the Original Runaway Bride? The gal from Georgia who faked that she was kidnapped in order to avoid marrying her groom?

If you do, then consider this. Metzger also had a "Just Married" sign tattooed to her psyche. And she was "kidnapped" just three days before she was scheduled to fly to her home base in the state of Georgia, back to the man she married just 10 days before deploying to Kyrgyzstan in April. In other words, she didn't want to go back, so she pretended that she was abducted while trying to figure a way out.

Why might Maj. Metzger want to fake her own kidnapping in order to avoid that horrible fate, especially as her husband had already bought tickets for a honeymoon in Jamaica? I mean, what could be better than a future with a fellow Air Force grunt in Georgia, and kicking it all off with a honeymoon in Jamaica, where every single local hates your white ass? Besides, hubbie seemed so sensitive. Here is what he told the press when asked about the kidnapping, and his sadness over the now-canceled honeymoon: "We were going to take Jet Skis out, have a couple of romantic dinners. It is very disappointing,"


Kozlov's whack job, what's with this guy?

It took one month to find the three fall guys for Kozlov's murder. Yeah, that's right, fall guys. The good money's riding on the fact that the three Ukrainian gypsy cabbers who confessed to whacking Kozlov didn't do it. And if they did, then they authorities are withholding some seriously juicy details. That's because the official line of how the three Ukrainians were captured doesn't match the information that's been leaked during the investigation.

The official version that came out of Moscow stated that the case was cracked when one of Kozlov's murderers turned himself in to the police. The info that he provided led to the arrests of two other Ukrainian nationals that participated in the hit with him. According to the party line, one was grabbed in Moscow, while the other was found sitting in a Stavropol drunk tank. But just last week, Izvestia quoted a source in the Stavropol police department that painted a different picture.

For starters, here was no mention of someone turning himself in. Cops cracked the case by tracing phone calls made from long distance numbers to cell phones located around the murder scene on the day Kozlov was whacked. Those calls led them to the southern city of Stavropol, where two Ukrainian nationals were apprehended during a coordinated police raid on an apartment.

Of course the weirdness started when the first suspect simply "turned himself in," according to official accounts, because he got paranoid, was convinced he was being followed by those who ordered the hit, and was afraid of being whacked by them to cover up the trail. That's a very plausible scenario. Well, everything except the part about turning himself in. No man reared in the Soviet Union would ever do this after committing a crime, especially one of such a high profile. Nor would he think he'd be safe in a Russian jail -- just think about the Yukos Spaniard who had every single bone in his body broken while under police guard in a jail, after turning state's witness against Yukos. You can't hope for a plea bargain and in the end, a bullet in back of the head might be better than the Hell that awaits you in a Russian jail/colony. Just ask any Russian. What's more, the Ukrainians failed to provide the cops with any information. They couldn't even cough up a phone number. Not exactly what you'd expect of someone that wants to come clean of his sins.

In other developments, just as the Ukrainians were being rounded up, new speculation of the cause of Kozlov's murder sprang up in Russian banking circles. Disgruntled money launders may have had nothing to do with it. Instead, the spotlight is now on crooked Estonian banks. An article published in Estonian daily Eesti Ekspress last week uncovered a secret trip that Kozlov paid to Estonia just a few days to demand that his Estonian counterpart -- Raul Malmstejn -- to close several bank accounts that he insisted were being used to launder Russian money. Kozlov even threatened to start a mud slinging campaign that would tarnish Estonia's banking image.

The Estonians immediately complied and froze the assets of eight bank accounts and started an investigation into the matter. But as soon as Kozlov was shot, the bank accounts were returned to good standing...The Estonians won't admit of any foul play. They say the evidence presented by Kozlov's team didn't prove any unlawful activity. Case closed.

LDPR has a fan club?

Zhirinovsky's LDPR hasn't been doing too well in the polls this election season, but he still managed to spend $612,000 in just three months on postage for correspondence with his party members, Moskovskye Novosti reported. That's about $200K a month on mail, or about 500 times the federal limit on postage expenditures which is capped at $370 per month.

The average cost of mailing a letter is about 5 rubles. If you do the math, it comes out that Zhirinovsky's office sent out about 3.2 million letters in the months of June, July and August. The fact these are the months that preceded nationwide Duma elections, we're guessing that he wasn't just reaching out to existing party members. Chances are that most of that cash was spent on printing glossy fliers for his reelection campaign. But this practice isn't news to anyone. According to Moskovskye Novosti, almost every deputy uses their mail expenditure accounts for anything from reelection campaigns to flower baskets for their mistresses. It's not surprising that they overdraw. $370 a month might be enough to send out post cards hundreds of thousands of postcards, but doesn't quite cut it when it comes to gift baskets.

To remedy the situation, Duma deputies are discussing a bill that would raise that sum to a more civilized amount.

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Yasha Levine is an editor at The eXile. You can contact him at
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