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The Fall of The eXile For all those wondering what the "Save The eXile Fundrasier" banner is all about, here it is as simply as it can be phrased: The eXile is shutting down.
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War Nerd: War of the Babies in Taki's Magazine The War Nerd talks about babies, the greatest weapon of the 20th century.
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Kids, Meet Your President A website for Russian kids to learn all about President Medvedev's passion for school, sports and family.
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Cellphone Democracy Cam If this girl was exposed to Jeffersonian democracy...
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More Classy B&W Dyev Photos Yet another hot Russian babe imitating the Catpower look...
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Proof That Genetic Memory Is Real! Sure, the Ottomans shut down the Istanbul Slavic slave markets centuries ago...
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Russia's Orthodox Church Youth Outreach Program The priest is going, "Father Sansei is very impressed with grasshopper Sasha’s...
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More Classy B&W Club Photos w/Russian Dyevs We took the Pepsi Challenge here...
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Kino Korner November 3, 2006
 
Kino Kwikeez
By Alex Shifrin Browse author Email
 
 

Children of Men

What They Say: Imagine a bleak future, without the prospect of children to carry on your name, where conflict and frustration are what fuel daily life.

What We Say: Reminded me of my ex-girlfriend. What if she reads this, you ask? Fortunately there's no chance of that ever happening as she intentionally ignored anything of mine resembling an accomplishment so as to avoid having to give praise. You see, folks, there are three marked stages in one's relationship with a Russian woman. The first involves really good sex and the false belief that you've just scored something really incredible. During this bit, you're confident and invincible enough to commit all sorts of indiscretions and mistakes, ones that she seemingly seems to either not notice or altogether forgive and forget. Don't be fooled by this, people. She's just storing it all up for later.

Children of Men

The Lowdown: Logan's Run meets Bizarro

Best Bit: The kickass, lots of explosions, Arabs versus Westerners, urban combat battle sequence at the end.

Starring: Clive Owen, Julianne Moore, Michael Caine.

Rating:: 4/5

Playing: Oktyabr

The Illusionist

What They Say: Tired of playing with his wand, love-struck Edward Norton uses up all his special wizard magic to win over Jessica Biel. Debunks the myth about Dungeons & Dragons enthusiasts and their interminable virginity.

The Illusionist

What We Say: The second stage with said girlfriend involves an abrupt cooling off period, one that takes you by surprise. You're not really sure what to do, but you still hang around because the sex, which, although it isn't as monumental or regular, is still ok. This is where you begin to develop insecurities and dependencies that you never even knew existed.

The Lowdown: Harry Potter meets Harry Reems.

Best Bit: Don't know -- couldn't finish it.

Starring: Edward Norton, Paul Giamatti, Jessica Biel.

Rating:: 3/5

Playing: Dome Skinema

Five Fingers

Five Fingers

What They Say: Arabic-fashioned Larry Fishburn and Gina Torres torture pretty boy Ryan Philippe for a confession. Seemingly in Morocco to set up a food relief program, Philippe watches time and fingers slip away as Larry and Gina become more insistent. Oh, the horror.

What We Say: The final stage, the fait accompli, if you will, is where the sex and compliments completely vanish from the relationship altogether. You're left wondering exactly what has changed about you, or what you're doing wrong, why you no longer deserve to be treated like the sultan you once were. All those little mistakes and goofs you did in the past are now exhumed, dusted off, and laid out before you, as if she'd kept a written record and stored it all along for this moment. You struggle hard to win back some of that beloved nookie, but it's long gone my friend. As much as you struggle to avoid admitting it, you're her bitch now.

The Lowdown: UNICEF meets CIA.

Best Bit: The stuff about the finger choppin'.

Starring: Laurence Fishburn, Ryan Philippe, Gina Torres.

Rating:: 3/5

Playing:

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FROM THE VAULT

Stranger in a Strange Land : By Asya Passinsky

Political Trading Cards :
Propaganda PSAs
Russian Propaganda Posters Are Back With A Vengeance : They also have the exact same design

Once Bitten, Twice Felched :
 

 
 
 
LATEST ARTICLES

Save The eXile: The War Nerd Calls Mayday
Editorial
The future of The eXile is in your hands! We're holding a fundraiser to save the paper, and your soul. Tune in to Gary Brecher's urgent request for reinforcements and donate as much as you can. If you don't, we'll be overrun and wiped off the face of the earth, forever.

Scanning Moscow’s Traffic Cops
Automotive Section
We’re happy to introduce a new column in which we publish Moscow’s raw radio communications, courtesy of a Russian amateur radio enthusiast. This issue, eXile readers are given a peek into the secret conversations of Moscow’s traffic police, the notorious "GAIshniki."

Eleven Years of Threats: The eXile's Incredible Journey
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Your Letters
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Russia's freedom-loving free market martyr Mikhail Khodorkovsky answers some of this week's letters, and he's got nothing but praise for President Medvedev.

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The Fortnight Spin
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Jared comes out with yet another roundup of upcoming bardak sessions.

Your Letters
[SIC!]
Richard Gere tackles this week's letters. Now reformed, he fights for gerbil rights all around the world.

13 Toxic Talents: Hollywood’s Worst Polluters
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Everybody complains about celebrities, but nobody does anything about them. People, it’s time to stop fretting about whether we’re a celebrity-obsessed culture—we are, we have been, we’re going to be—and instead take practical steps to clean up the celebrity-obsessed culture we’ve got...

 
 
 

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