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Mankind's only alternative

The Fall of The eXile For all those wondering what the "Save The eXile Fundrasier" banner is all about, here it is as simply as it can be phrased: The eXile is shutting down.
June 11, 2008 in eXile Blog

War Nerd: War of the Babies in Taki's Magazine The War Nerd talks about babies, the greatest weapon of the 20th century.
May 28, 2008 in eXile Blog

Kids, Meet Your President A website for Russian kids to learn all about President Medvedev's passion for school, sports and family.
May 22, 2008 in eXile Blog

Cellphone Democracy Cam If this girl was exposed to Jeffersonian democracy...
May 20, 2008 in Face Control

More Classy B&W Dyev Photos Yet another hot Russian babe imitating the Catpower look...
May 20, 2008 in Face Control

Proof That Genetic Memory Is Real! Sure, the Ottomans shut down the Istanbul Slavic slave markets centuries ago...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

Russia's Orthodox Church Youth Outreach Program The priest is going, "Father Sansei is very impressed with grasshopper Sasha’s...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

More Classy B&W Club Photos w/Russian Dyevs We took the Pepsi Challenge here...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

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Ofis Space March 23, 2007
Meet Your Coworkers
The Exile Field Guide To The Russian Cube Farm By Nancy Deal Browse author

Now that you're starting to get a feel for your new Russian corporate environment, it's time to find out a little more about the people you're going to have to work with. Introducing...

The Attention Whore

The Attention Whore labors under the delusion that (a) you are dying to know every detail about her life, and (b) she has been hired to host her own personal talk show, which is broadcast live in the middle of your office from 9:45 a.m. to roughly 6:00 p.m. Don't miss the morning monologue that allows you get to catch up on all of the details of AW's personal life! What did her four-year-old say yesterday? What did the nanny do wrong this time? Admit it, you're dying to know. How could anyone not love the sound of her voice as much as she does? And just in case you miss any details in the morning, you can relive the monologue several times throughout the day as AW makes personal telephone calls to her friends and parents, occasionally exclaiming: "I look so pretty today!"

The Beauty Queen

Really very beautiful, and really very occupied with the grooming process. BQ's desk smells of clear nail polish and the latest expensive perfume. She will occasionally use the corridors as her own private catwalk in between grooming sessions. This woman has zero visible pores and may get upset if you don't notice that she had her hair dyed to a slightly different shade of blonde. Do you work at a financial institution? Your office Beauty Queen will definitely have entered her profile on Don't forget to vote for her!

The Responsibility Dodger

The number one cause of seizures in the workplace, the Responsibility Dodger is actually rather bright but has been raised Sovok and is programmed to ask you stupid questions all day long so that she can say that you told her to send that email, and you told her to circulate that memo. Because taking responsibility for your own actions in the office (or in Russia, for that matter...) is a big No-No.

Should I send it? Should I send it to the CEO? I'm sending it to the CEO, right? The email, right? To the CEO? OK. I sent it. Now should I book that hotel room? For the director flying in? But he's traveling with his wife this month... should I book two separate rooms? One room. OK. One room? Are you sure? One room for him and his wife? OK. Wait. Should the room have one bed? One bed or two beds? I think you should ask his PA if he wants to sleep in the same bed with his wife to make sure. Should I book in the hotel he asked for or the other one we usually use? The one he specifically asked for? Are you sure? Because we usually book in another one. OK. One room, right?


The Very Important Mud Person can't really be bothered to acknowledge your existence except to occasionally imply that he's better than you. He carries a very shiny, expensive phone that he doesn't really know how to use. He has one Armani suit from TsUM that he may wear, at his very important discretion, more than once a week. The illusion the VIMP wants to create is one of a slick babe magnet. If he knew you make more than he does his entire universe would collapse.

The Know-it-all Xenophobe

The Know-it-all Xenophobe hates you, you rotten fuckeeng Western imperialist. You'll never be Russian, you dirty foreigner, so don't even bother trying. The Xenophobe likes to think you are here in Russia because everything about Russia is totally superior to anything in the U.S., but since you are American, you will forever be inferior. Never mind that every single serious Russian cultural figure has been dead for at least a century. The Know-it-all-Xenophobe enjoys nothing more than telling you that whatever you're saying is wrong, just because you're saying it, you stupid foreigner, while he sips his MacCoffee and takes a bite of his tasty Filet-o-Fish.

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TOXOPLASMA : The obscure cat-shit parasite that explains Europe

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Save The eXile: The War Nerd Calls Mayday
The future of The eXile is in your hands! We're holding a fundraiser to save the paper, and your soul. Tune in to Gary Brecher's urgent request for reinforcements and donate as much as you can. If you don't, we'll be overrun and wiped off the face of the earth, forever.

Scanning Moscow’s Traffic Cops
Automotive Section
We’re happy to introduce a new column in which we publish Moscow’s raw radio communications, courtesy of a Russian amateur radio enthusiast. This issue, eXile readers are given a peek into the secret conversations of Moscow’s traffic police, the notorious "GAIshniki."

Eleven Years of Threats: The eXile's Incredible Journey
Feature Story By The eXile
Good Night, and Bad Luck: In a nation terrorized by its own government, one newspaper dared to fart in its face. Get out your hankies, cuz we’re taking a look back at the impossible crises we overcame.

Your Letters
Russia's freedom-loving free market martyr Mikhail Khodorkovsky answers some of this week's letters, and he's got nothing but praise for President Medvedev.

Clubbing Adventures Through Time
Club Review By Dmitriy Babooshka
eXile club reviewer Babooshka takes a trip through time with the ghost of Moscow clubbing past, present and future, and true to form, gets laid in the process.

The Fortnight Spin
Bardak Calendar By Jared Lindquist
Jared comes out with yet another roundup of upcoming bardak sessions.

Your Letters
Richard Gere tackles this week's letters. Now reformed, he fights for gerbil rights all around the world.

13 Toxic Talents: Hollywood’s Worst Polluters
America By Eileen Jones
Everybody complains about celebrities, but nobody does anything about them. People, it’s time to stop fretting about whether we’re a celebrity-obsessed culture—we are, we have been, we’re going to be—and instead take practical steps to clean up the celebrity-obsessed culture we’ve got...


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