Mankind's only alternative 3   DEC.   22  
Mankind's only alternative
Vlad's Daily Gloat - The eXile Blog

The Fall of The eXile For all those wondering what the "Save The eXile Fundrasier" banner is all about, here it is as simply as it can be phrased: The eXile is shutting down.
June 11, 2008 in eXile Blog

War Nerd: War of the Babies in Taki's Magazine The War Nerd talks about babies, the greatest weapon of the 20th century.
May 28, 2008 in eXile Blog

Kids, Meet Your President A website for Russian kids to learn all about President Medvedev's passion for school, sports and family.
May 22, 2008 in eXile Blog

Cellphone Democracy Cam If this girl was exposed to Jeffersonian democracy...
May 20, 2008 in Face Control

More Classy B&W Dyev Photos Yet another hot Russian babe imitating the Catpower look...
May 20, 2008 in Face Control

Proof That Genetic Memory Is Real! Sure, the Ottomans shut down the Istanbul Slavic slave markets centuries ago...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

Russia's Orthodox Church Youth Outreach Program The priest is going, "Father Sansei is very impressed with grasshopper Sasha’s...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

More Classy B&W Club Photos w/Russian Dyevs We took the Pepsi Challenge here...
May 15, 2008 in Face Control

Blogs RSS feed

Kino Korner May 18, 2007
Kino Korner
By Alexander Zaitchik Browse author Email

Inland Empire

Directed by David Lynch

"It won't be much longer now," says the velveteen-voiced rabbit-suit lady some two and a half hours into Inland Empire. Not much longer?! Yeah, right, rabbit-suit lady! We've heard that endless scratchy ambient track before.

The movie taunts its audience in this and other ways. And no matter how much you usually enjoy David Lynch's phallus moving in and out of your brain, by the third taunt you want to believe the rabbit-suit lady. You want her to be telling the truth that it won't be much longer. Because you need to get up and move your legs. People die from sitting in one place for too long. It happens on airplanes every year. It happens to gaming addicts. It's no urban myth.

Even though there are some truly rewarding Lynchian moments over the course of Inland Empire's first 150 minutes, by then you'll more than have had your fill. You're good for at least another year. Maybe two.

Twenty-minutes minutes later, at the 170-minute mark, watching the movie becomes something of an art-film dare contest. And don't pretend you aren't competing. You're afraid to go to the bathroom because then everyone will think you can't take it anymore. They'll think you're like those plebes who grabbed their coats and slinked out after the film took a straight drop off-ramp into Lynch land, never to return. And yet you're determined not to accept this latest taunt from the rabbit-suit lady. "It won't be much longer now?" Fuck you, Lynch. Thank you and fuck you. I'll leave if I want to. I'll just pick up my coat here and...

But you aren't going anywhere. There's a lot of slack in Inland Empire, a punishing amount of indulgent slack, but you aren't going anywhere. Despite the long stretches of drag, the flashes of genius carry it through. And when they don't, three words keep you seated: Harry Dean Stanton. For all you know his Freddie Howard character could reappear at any moment. In Poland. And he's getting old. You can walk out on David Lynch, but show some respect for HDS.

You also don't walk out on a film that after 20 minutes gave you bug-eyed Grace Zabriskie telling Laura Dern the story of how evil was born in the street behind the marketplace. Brutal. Fucking. Murder!

And you do not walk out on Lynch when he's casually tossing off some of the greatest music videos ever made. I'll trade you one dazed Dern stumbling down Hollywood Boulevard to Beck's "Black Tambourine" for any 10 Spike Jones clips.

There's a lot here you don't walk out on, even if you have stuff to do and didn't bank on a three-hour Lynchian freefall. You may be tempted to slip away during the late-middle sag, but don't do it. Wait for the scene where Dern dies in front of a security grate while listening to a homeless junkie Japanese chick talk about her friend in Pamona who wears a blonde wig and has a hole in her vagina wall. Make sure you last until that scene. Then you'll wonder how you could ever have been anxious to leave this film's many worlds, and rush back to your boring life where everything makes such perfect and forgettable sense.

Now Playing in Moscow Theaters Near You

Dome Cinema

May 18 - 31

Hot Fuzz: Call for show times

May 18 - 20

Shooter: Call for show times

May 24 - 31

Stranger Than Fiction: Call for show times


May 18 - 22

Shrek The Therd: 17:15, 19:00, 20:45, 22:30

Spider-man-3: Call for show times

35 mm

May 18 - 26

Achi-wa Ssipak(aka S. Korean Shiza-obsessed Anime): Call for show times

May 18 - 26

Inland Empire (David Lynch's Latest): 19:00


Oktyabr: Novy Arbat 24, Phone: 545-0505

Dome Theater: Olympisky Prospect 18/1, Phone: 931-9873

35 mm:: Pokrovka 47/27, Phone: 917-5492

SHARE:  Digg  My Web  Facebook  Reddit
Browse author
Alexander Zaitchik is an editor at The eXile. Email him at
Metro Escalator Sentinel
Field Guide To Moscow: Cadaverosus Antiquus :
War Nerd -- Kamikaze
WAR NERD: Kamikaze Math : One plane for one carrier, and other lessons from Tojo’s Air Force
Art Director
Field Guide To Moscow: Pafus Maximus :

In Brief: Rape Victim Signs Playboy Deal :


Save The eXile: The War Nerd Calls Mayday
The future of The eXile is in your hands! We're holding a fundraiser to save the paper, and your soul. Tune in to Gary Brecher's urgent request for reinforcements and donate as much as you can. If you don't, we'll be overrun and wiped off the face of the earth, forever.

Scanning Moscow’s Traffic Cops
Automotive Section
We’re happy to introduce a new column in which we publish Moscow’s raw radio communications, courtesy of a Russian amateur radio enthusiast. This issue, eXile readers are given a peek into the secret conversations of Moscow’s traffic police, the notorious "GAIshniki."

Eleven Years of Threats: The eXile's Incredible Journey
Feature Story By The eXile
Good Night, and Bad Luck: In a nation terrorized by its own government, one newspaper dared to fart in its face. Get out your hankies, cuz we’re taking a look back at the impossible crises we overcame.

Your Letters
Russia's freedom-loving free market martyr Mikhail Khodorkovsky answers some of this week's letters, and he's got nothing but praise for President Medvedev.

Clubbing Adventures Through Time
Club Review By Dmitriy Babooshka
eXile club reviewer Babooshka takes a trip through time with the ghost of Moscow clubbing past, present and future, and true to form, gets laid in the process.

The Fortnight Spin
Bardak Calendar By Jared Lindquist
Jared comes out with yet another roundup of upcoming bardak sessions.

Your Letters
Richard Gere tackles this week's letters. Now reformed, he fights for gerbil rights all around the world.

13 Toxic Talents: Hollywood’s Worst Polluters
America By Eileen Jones
Everybody complains about celebrities, but nobody does anything about them. People, it’s time to stop fretting about whether we’re a celebrity-obsessed culture—we are, we have been, we’re going to be—and instead take practical steps to clean up the celebrity-obsessed culture we’ve got...


    MAIN    |    RUSSIA    |    WAR NERD     |    [SIC!]    |    BAR-DAK    |    THE VAULT    |    ABOUT US    |    RSS

© "the eXile". Tel.: +7 (495) 623-3565, fax: +7 (495) 623-5442