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The Fall of The eXile For all those wondering what the "Save The eXile Fundrasier" banner is all about, here it is as simply as it can be phrased: The eXile is shutting down.
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War Nerd: War of the Babies in Taki's Magazine The War Nerd talks about babies, the greatest weapon of the 20th century.
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Kids, Meet Your President A website for Russian kids to learn all about President Medvedev's passion for school, sports and family.
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More Classy B&W Dyev Photos Yet another hot Russian babe imitating the Catpower look...
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More Classy B&W Club Photos w/Russian Dyevs We took the Pepsi Challenge here...
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Ofis Space June 15, 2007
Waiting for My OMON
You haven't worked in Moscow until your office is raided. By Nancy Deal Browse author

Did you move to Moscow for the adventure? Do you wish your life were more like an action blockbuster or the Enron musical instead of a boring office sitcom? Then grab your papki and put on your ninja boots, corporate minions - OMON is headed your way!

Mission Unshreddable

It was a typical dark and gloomy summer Moscow morning, gray like the kind of gray you'd see on the feathers of an old pigeon, gray like the face of the surly Coffee Bean barista who was apparently ignoring Nancy Deal's order for a 260-ruble double latte to-go. His indolence was the last thing Deal needed - she was already ten minutes late to the office. A double latte was the only thing that could sooth the pounding in her head and obliterate that old familiar figovo feeling from last night's nightcap.

"I said make that a double, on the double!"


But today scha meant I'm taking my sweet time, you stupid foreign broad, and you're gonna sit there and wait for it. Knowing that a barista never froths the milk while under customer-scrutiny, Nancy took a seat at the closest empty table and stared out the windows onto the street packed with filthy black Mercedes 600 SEs honking at one another in crazed desperation.

Suddenly - Nancy couldn't be sure if it was real or a vision, the kind of vision one has after licking a frog in a Nevada desert - an old babushka dressed to the granny nines in shabby valenki, three winter coats and a woolen scarf wrapped around her wrinkled face, stopped in front of the window and shook her cane at Nancy, denouncing her and spraying spittle against the grimy window pane.

"Devushka!! Gotovo!!!"

As if rising from a fog, Nancy got up, collected her latte, slipped out of the cafe and into the dreary, overcast Moscow summer air and walked towards the office. The Kremlin glowed ahead in the distance, as a single ray of sun shone down from the heavens onto one of its golden domes. She flashed her propusk at the office building door, took the office keys and got on the elevator. It was the same as any other day, a day when Nancy would be the first in her department despite being 20 minutes late, a day when Nancy would spend at least another 20 to 40 minutes alone that morning, unencumbered by idle office banter, free to futz around on the Internet, a day when her coworker Tanya, with whom she shared the office, would sashay into the room one hour and 15 minutes late swinging a new leather pocketbook jauntily from her manicured hand, a thick album full of university photos and memorabilia tucked under her arm. Tanya had legs up to here, "here" meaning her hips, which were a little wide due to a previous case of childbirth.

"Hiyeeee Nancy!!! Today I brought my graduation pictures! Let's have some tea! You look nice today, but don't I look great?"

"Sure thing, Tanya. But look here. The boss wants that memo you promised yesterday. You're gonna hafta deliver, and fast."

Tanya put down her pocketbook and the photo album, sat down and applied powder before reaching instinctively for the phone.

"Hi Mama! So, what's up?..."

The boss, Kolya, burst through the door and into the room. Tanya managed a quick "Gottacallyoubacklater-OKloveyoubye-bye. Hiyeee Kolya!"

"Tanya I need that memo on my desk in two seconds."

The boss's door slammed shut.

Tanya began to peck out her memo while Nancy stared at her computer screen in despair, dreading the fact that another photo album experience loomed on the horizon, sure to be at least a two-hour affair packed full of sugary tea, cheap Russian chocolate and gratuitous information about the life and times of Tanya at her institute. But then something happened that changed everything. Suddenly this day was not a day like every other day at the office. Suddenly this became a day of doom much more frightening than Tanya's university photo album, even worse than that time she brought in her wedding pictures...

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There Will Be Idiots: The Paul Thomas Anderson Sham :

Let ‘Em Send Me to the Bughouse Again! :

Russia and the West in the Year of the Rat :
Propaganda PSAs
Russian Propaganda Posters Are Back With A Vengeance : They also have the exact same design


Save The eXile: The War Nerd Calls Mayday
The future of The eXile is in your hands! We're holding a fundraiser to save the paper, and your soul. Tune in to Gary Brecher's urgent request for reinforcements and donate as much as you can. If you don't, we'll be overrun and wiped off the face of the earth, forever.

Scanning Moscow’s Traffic Cops
Automotive Section
We’re happy to introduce a new column in which we publish Moscow’s raw radio communications, courtesy of a Russian amateur radio enthusiast. This issue, eXile readers are given a peek into the secret conversations of Moscow’s traffic police, the notorious "GAIshniki."

Eleven Years of Threats: The eXile's Incredible Journey
Feature Story By The eXile
Good Night, and Bad Luck: In a nation terrorized by its own government, one newspaper dared to fart in its face. Get out your hankies, cuz we’re taking a look back at the impossible crises we overcame.

Your Letters
Russia's freedom-loving free market martyr Mikhail Khodorkovsky answers some of this week's letters, and he's got nothing but praise for President Medvedev.

Clubbing Adventures Through Time
Club Review By Dmitriy Babooshka
eXile club reviewer Babooshka takes a trip through time with the ghost of Moscow clubbing past, present and future, and true to form, gets laid in the process.

The Fortnight Spin
Bardak Calendar By Jared Lindquist
Jared comes out with yet another roundup of upcoming bardak sessions.

Your Letters
Richard Gere tackles this week's letters. Now reformed, he fights for gerbil rights all around the world.

13 Toxic Talents: Hollywood’s Worst Polluters
America By Eileen Jones
Everybody complains about celebrities, but nobody does anything about them. People, it’s time to stop fretting about whether we’re a celebrity-obsessed culture—we are, we have been, we’re going to be—and instead take practical steps to clean up the celebrity-obsessed culture we’ve got...


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